SHORT WAR STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XL, Issue 1889, 12 October 1918, Page 4

SHORT WAR STORIES.

TAKING RISKS. Commanding Officer to Private Flannigan: “Why are you without a pass?’' Flannigan; “Well, sort', I jiued th’ army to take risks, and it s meself that’s jist takin' a minor one to get used to the big Tins, begorra.” COUNTER ATTACK. Corjioral .Ras (pulling out pad and pencil) : “if all youse Coloured Bucks don’t get on these heah logs, I’ll hand in yore names to the ‘lootonant.’ ” Private Black Jack; “Cwan, you ole niggah, I’sc known you down in Loosyana: you all cayant write.” WAR WORK. An American soldier who had to lie keeper to a bunch of mules found that one of them was severely indisposed, and had to give it pills every few hours. “Won't it lie good, ’ he said, “when my hoy ask’s me, ’What did vou do in the great war, daddy 1 ?’ to 'be able to say, ‘Oh, 1 sat up all night with a sick mule!’ ’’ ANOTHER “DEAR OLD LADY.’’ Thev were, many of them, tram Mesopotamia, and they were very dirty, sunbaked, and had lull (‘argues of kit ail over (hem. As they had been away from Blighly for several years they were pardonably

noisy. Bui a stiff, well-dressed “old ladv," slightly inconvenienced in passing, exclaimed lo her companion: “No, I'm sure these are not British soldiers.”

FLAT FEET. A drafted man went lo a doctor and told him that he didn't want to go into the army, and asked for a tip so as to he certain of rejection.

The doctor looked him over, and said somewhat grimly: “Got all your teeth pulled out, and yon’J! have a cinch." The eliieken-heai'l did so. Then he appeared before the medical board, and was exempted because of Hat feet! FAIR DINKUM. A spy. tale which suggests that you can test a doubtful character with questions in I lie slang ot the country he claims as Ids, is told. One day at Gallipoli a man posing as a British major gave orders against firing in a certain region. An Australian had his suspicions, and said: “Fay, are you fair dinkum !" —which means are you ‘'straight.” “Yes,” said the Hun, “I’m Major Fair Dinkum.’’ He died of lead in the head. FROM A GERMAN DIARY. “Monday; It rained heavily, and our Lieutenant Muller was drunk'. “Tuesday: The English shelled us and our Lieutenant Muller was very drunk. “Wednesday; The English shelled, us more heavily, and our Lieutenant Muller was drunk and incapable. ‘'Thursday: Vfe were ordered to attack. Our Lieutenant Muller called out to us from his dugout to advance more rapidly.

“Friday: .Nil. ‘•Saturday: Nil. • “Sunday: Our Lieutenant .Midler received the Iron Cross. v

KHALI STIC. “Yes, mum,” Siiid the wounded soldier to the nice, dear, iiiqitisiti\c lady who came and talked to him on the sent in the park, “you Avouidn’t believe how a pet cheers you up in a lonely place like Mesopotamia. I had a parrot out there, and 1 taught him to whistle ‘Home, Sweet Home’ so beautifully that tears used to run down his poor beak.” “That's nothin;.’; to a parrot 1 had, ma’am,” said his pal. “My parrot used to whistle ‘The Village Blacksmith’ so realistic that when lie came to the part about, (he forge, snarks used to (ly out of his tail.”

A MiSSKi) OPPOKTPXJTY. Apropos the story told by President Wilson of the Indian who, when asked what the U.S. was lighting for, replied, “To make world safe fm* Democratic Party,” here is another story from Oklahoma: — Aui Indian chief was told that America laid gone to war. “Who we light ?" “Germany.” “Too d bad," he said. “1 didn’t know it last night.” “Why. l "

‘•Three Germans slopped my house all night. I could have killed ’em easv.”

PARDONABLE PRIDE. The thrice gallant Thomas was a. member of the local volunteer corps, and he was also newly wed. When he returned home from drill the

other evening, there was a martial fire in his eve and a proud swelling 1 in the region of Ids bosom. “Alice, darling,'’ he said to his six mouths’ bride. “I have some splendid news for you. lam promoted —they have ma.de me a lance-corporal.'’ With a. proud look at her warrior-hus-band, Alice clasped her arms about Ids neck. “1 am so glad, dear,” she said, “but, Thomas” —pleadingly —"promise me this: Do not let authority make you proud and overbearing. Whatever you do, be kind to your men.”