SHORT WAR STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XL, Issue 1856, 23 July 1918, Page 1

SHORT WAR STORIES.

VERY LATE. An American officer, newly arrived in London, telephoned for a taxi, and waxed impatient at its seeming delay. "When it arrived: “You are three minutes late,” he said to the girl at the wheel. “Am I?” she queried, brightly. “Well, get in, and don’t make a fuss. You are three years late!” WORDS UNNECESSARY. Am Irish hospital orderly, under the supervision of a nurse, was unloading a wagon of surgical requisites somewhere in France. As he was unwrapping the last article the nurse asked: “What have you got there, Pat?” “A stump speech agin the war,” answered Pat, holding up a wooden leg.

. MIXED. At a military church service some recruits were listening to the chaplain in church saying: “Let them slay the Germans as Joshua smote the Egyptians,” when a recruit whispered to a companion: “Say, Bill, the old bloke is a bit off; doesn’t he know it was Kitchener who swiped the Egyptians?” THE POETIC SOLDIER. A soldier who had been wounded on the Struma was brought down to the coast and eventually taken on board a hospital ship bound for “Blighty.” When the ship began to steam away his delight knew no bounds. He hobbled up on deck and gazed around at the sunlit Mediterranean.

“It’s grand!” he cried. “Just look at the sky and the sea ! I want to drink it all in.” “Bill,” shouted a sailor near by, “keep an eye on that bloke. The old ship takes 22 feet of water before she’ll float!” THE KAISER NO “SPORT."

Brigadier - General McCalmont had an experience of the Kaiser’s sporting spirit at Kiel when his yacht, the Margharila, beat the Kaiser’s Meteor. As the Mai'gharita crossed the winning-line the German crowds remained silent, but when the Kaiser's boat arrived, with the Emperor on board, the bands played and the people cheered. At the prize distribution the Emperor received the massive gold cup, which was in reality the lirsl prize, while Brigadier-General McCarlmont was awarded a silver salad bowl, which had been intended for the second prize. So, even in spoil, the Kaiser could not “play the game.” THE DAY AFTER. It chanced, in the days before the war, that an Englishman in Berlin became acquainted with a young German officer. One day (hey were lingering over a tete-a-tete luncheon. The officer got up and .-mid: “I will give you a toast.” Raising his well-lillcd glass, he added: “I drink to ‘The Day!’” and there was a smile on his lips which hinted at some hidden jest in the words. His companion, the Englishman, looked at him quietly. “Indeed, herr lieutenant!” he said; “let me follow your toast with one of my own: Here’s to ‘The Day •After!’ ” FOUND HIS “PIP.” He was a recently-joined young officer, and was awfully proud of his spick-and-span uniform. His annoyance knew no bounds when one morning on parade he found that one of his “pips” was missing. Directly the parade was dismissed he hastened to report the loss to his battalion quartermaster, but on returning to his billet, to his delight, he' found the missing star on the floor of his bedroom.

Just then an order came requiring his presence at general headquarters a mile or so away. He was kept there some time, and on returning on foot along the road he had traversed he found to his surprise that a labour battalion was busily digging it up. They had, in fact, been ordered to construct a communication trench along the route. But of this the young officer knew nothing, and, hastening up to them, he said: “It’s all right, my lads. Don’t trouble to dig any more. I’ve found my ‘pip!’ ”