SHORT WAR STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 1731, 28 June 1917, Page 1

SHORT WAR STORIES.

WHAT THEY APPRECIATED. Private Bates, among other dainties in his parcel, received a bottle of cherries preserved in brandy. Very choice, thought the khalded one, and he straightway showed them to his chums. A few days later the old lady who had sent the gift received the 'following letter: “Dear aunt: Thanks so much for your gift of cherries. My pals and I appreciated them immensely, not so much for themselves, as for the spirit in which they were sent.” WHO GOES THERE? Described once by Lord Kitchener as the “pluckiest man he had ever met,” General Sir Archibald Hunter, known as “Fighting Archie,” has been a soldier since he was eighteen. During the South African war he was ordered to take a force from Ladysmith to silence a Boer gun which had been shelling the besieged city. In the small hours he and his men stealthily groped their way up the great hill. “Who goes there?” shouted a Boer sentry. “Half of old England, old chap,” was the reply, as he dashed on unconcernedly to accomplish his task. “PERPLEXING.” A recruit relating his experiences, says —he was an auctioneer’s clerk by the way —“I like the life very much indeed, though it is rather strenuous, but their orders are very perplexing. They told me to Tall in’ one moment and to ‘fall out” the next, and when I asked them to ox- , plain what they meant they were 'rather rude.” There is also the true story of the ex-shopwalker, who, on his first morning aboard a man-of-war, clicked his heels, sprang smartly to attention, saluted, and wished his commanding officer, a four-ringed captain, a cheerful “Good morning, skipper!” much to that potentate’s astonishment. CROSS PURPOSES. An amusing story of a Scottish lad of sixteen is told by Lady Poore. By giving his wrong age he managed to join the Black Watch, and got to the front, but was eventually scut hack to a base hospital suffering from a strained heart. AVhen he arrived at the hospital he was merely in shorts, without kilt or any other item of the insignia of his regiment. One day he said to the Australian nursing sister in whose charge he was, “I’d like you to see me in full dress,” at the same time proudly producing from his pocket: a very grimy portrait of himself arrayed in the complete panoply-of the smart Highlander. “But,” said the sister, “ you never expected to wear the sporran at the front?” The boy gazed at her in a puzzled manner. “Where else, sister?” he asked. “Ye’d never look for me to be wearing it behind!” GUILELESS. The drill instructor had been breaking in a batch of raw recruits, and instructing them in the elements of company drill. Most of them were quick and intelligent and easily obeyed his instructions, but one in particular seemed incapable of understanding even the most simple order. The instructor at last lost patience, and determined to hold him up to ridicule as the only means of bringing him to his senses. He (-ailed him to the front, and began to 'put him through his paces. “Eyes front!” he roared. To the astonishment of everyone, the man gazed about him in an absent-mind-ed way. “Do you mean to tell me,” yelled the instructor, “that you don’t know where your front is?” “Yes, I know, sir,” came the meek reply. “Well, then, where is it?” asked the instructor. “Please — please, sir,” faltered the recruit, “its gone to the laundry.” A NAVAL OFFICER’S “OCCASION.” A clubman tells the- following story:—l met a naval officer who wanted to know if I could introduce him to one of our popular marine artists. I said I would, and asked what the commission was to be—a picture of his ship in a gale or a terrifying combat at sea. The reply was ; “I only want to give him a bill.” The marine artist had heard of the strafing of a Hun submarine, and had reconstructed the incident and published it. Unfortunately, although the Hun ship was disposed of in the way described, the artist had “worked in” the wrong British ship. And when my friend (and the ship wrongly given the credit for the deed) returned to the base he found his brother officers, their friends and acquaintances had commemorated the exploit at some place ashore —and had left him the bill. Now he wants to .meet the artist.