SHORT WAR STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 1718, 29 May 1917, Page 4

SHORT WAR STORIES.

CUTTING. He was a young subaltern. One evening the sister hat! just finished making him comfortable for the nightj and before going off duty asked: “Is there anythingT can do for you before I leave?” Dear little Two Stars replied: “Well, yes! I should like very much to be kissed goodnight.” Sister rustled to the door, “Just wait till I call the orderly,” she said. “He does all the rough wyrk here.” A DISQUIETING EXPLANATION. An officer on a small vessel which, as is not unusual, was overrun with cockroaches, had the mis-

fortune to find two of these insects in his evening cup of coffee—of course after he had drunk'it. In due course he had a few words with the steward about it, and that individual was very upset by the occurrence, and apologised, saying “I ’ad no idea there was any in your cup, sir, when I gave it you. When I sees ’em I always takes ’em out!” TRENCH'' PHILOSOPHY. It was the day before their first “hop over,” and the regiment was drawn up in mass behind the lines to listen to a “few words” from the colonel. He pointed out to them at some length the straight and narrow path wherein their duty lay, and after giving them the genex-al dilection of the Road to Glory, concluded with the lines; If we go forward we die, If we go backward we die. Better go,forward and die. The awed silence which followed was broken by the languid voice of a Billjim in the rear. “Yairs,” he drawled, decisively, “a bloke’s best chance is to be a blinkin’ crab!” A GOOD REASON. An imperative drill-sergeant called a recruit aside, and in a gracious mood talked to him paternally. “You’re awkward,” he said, “either because you was born so or because you’ve been taught so. Tell me, now, what was your occupation before you joined up!” It appears that the recruit had been in the toy trade —a packer of toys. His job was to pack toy soldiers into cardboard boxes. He had been dismissed by the firm. “Why, exactly did they sack you, ray man?” asked the other. “They sacked me,” answered the recruit deliberately, “for a good and, as I see now, a very sufficient reason. 1 put too many bloomin’ sergeants in the boxes!” WOULD HAVE DONE TIME. The Duke of "Westminster, whoso fleet of armed motor cars has done such splendid service in Egypt and on the Somme front, is one of the most versatile of men. He once emulated the mythical “Raffles” by committing a bury An—ofn —of course, for fun —at the mansion of his friend, Lord Chohnondeley, at dead of night, and he has been the central figure in many similar wild pranks. Not long since he was caught'exceeding the speed limit while motoring up to London, summoned, and fined “thirty shillings or seven days.” His lawyer paid the money, at the same time remarking to a friend that “he was glad the duke wasn't present in eourt.” “Why?” was the quite natural finery. ' “Because,” replied the man of law, drily, “he’d have done the seven days like a shot, just for the experience of it.”