ODDS AND ENDS.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 1679, 27 February 1917, Page 4

ODDS AND ENDS.

AX OBJECT LESSON

“Now children, (his is :i unit,” said (he teacher, as she hold up a pencil. “Those are also units,” as she held up a hook, a pen-knife, and an apple. She took the pen-knife, and peeled the apple. “What is this?” she asked, as she held up the peel. There was a dead silence. “Conte on, you know, what is it ?” she said. A little hoy put up his hand and said, “Pietist l muni, the skin of the unit.’’ “TOMMY” AND IHS EYE. “Blighty's" double Christ nuts number lots some witty sallies: The “sympathetic young' lady,” "reefing' the returned Tommy, exclaims: “Oh my poor man, what happened to your eye?” To whom Tommy replies: “My eye ? Left it in France, so f could keep it on my gal over there.” POSITIVE PROOF. Two Scottish soldiers on (heir way to France passed through London recently. It was their first experience of the “big” village, and they were naturally keeping their eyes open. Their watchfulness was, however, not sharp enough to avoid a taxi in the vicinity of Victoria Station, and one of them got knocked over. As he picked himself up, none the worse for his fall, his mate growled: “Mebhe ye’ll believe it’s busier than Kirkintilloch noo.” •) EDGED BY THE SOUND. The retort discourteous is well exemplified in the following anecdote: In a village cricket match the local butcher was hatting, when a hall humped up and hit him on the head, from which the wicket-keeper made a catch. “How’s that?” yelled the wicketkeeper. “Hout!” said the umpire. “But it hit me on the head,” protested the batsman. “1 don I know where it 'it you,” responded the umpire. “But I knows the sound of wood, so hout you go!” NEWS TO HER A travelling man one night found himself obliged to remain in a small town on account of a washout on the railroad caused by the heavy rain, which was still coming down in torrents. The travelling man turned to the waitress with: “This certainly looks like the Flood.” “The what?” Ihe Hood. You’ve read about the Flood, and the Ark landing on Mount Ararat, surely,” “Gee mister,” she returned, “I ain't seen a paper for three, days.” A BAD EXAMPLE. An old Scotch farmer, with his 17-year-old son, entered the country editor’s office, and said: “This laddie o’ mine wants to gang into this writing business. Is there money to be made in't ?” “Well,” said the editor, “I’ve been in it myself for twenty years, and >> ' V

Whereupon the farmer eyed him from head to foot, glanced round the none too well furnished room, surveyed the editor again, then, turning to his son, said:“Come awa’ hame, .lock, an’ get back to yer ‘ploo.’ ’’ “SEE ADVERTISED!ENT." One of the young men attached to the American Embassy at Berlin, tells a story to illustrate that modern advertising can cope even with the etiquette of courts. A young American wished to be presented at the Court of the King of Saxony. The high officials, having inquired into her* standing athome, objected. They represented to her that the King could scarcely receive the daughter of a retail bootseller. The young woman cabled home and told her father the situation. The next morning she received this answer: “Can't call it selling. Practically giving them away. See advertisement." That solved the difficulty. She was presented as the daughter of an eminent philanthropist.