ODDS AND ENDS.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 1669, 1 February 1917, Page 4

ODDS AND ENDS.

“Mamma, mayn’t I lake the part of a milkmaid at the fancy ball?” “You are too little.” “Well, I can be a condensed milkmaid.”

“If there were four dies on the table, and 1 killed one, how many would there be left?” inquired the teacher. “One,” answered the bright little girl—“the dead one.”

“Did mother punish you to-day, James?” “Yes, father." “What, did she do?” “Made me stay in the room while she was taking her singing lessons.”

Berite: “Hunter tells me he is going to marry an heiress. I asked him her age, and he couldn’t tell me.” Claude; “Oh, it isn’t her age Hunter is interested in; it’s her heritage.’’

Al an evening party the hostess had coaxed a protesting guest to sing. After the song siie went up to him smiling. “Oh, Mr Jenkins,” she said, “yon must never tell me again that you can’t sing—l know now!”

“Did you ever make a, start on that motor-car you intended to buy?" “In a small way only. We’ve laid in a thermos bottle, which, my wife says, will be a great convenience on our long tours if we ever get a car.”

Irish Doctor (to Pol) : “Well, my man, what’s the matter with you?” .Pat: “Pains in (lie back, son - .''’ Doctor (handing him a Tew pills) : “Take one ol‘ these a f quarter of an hour before you feel the pain coming on.”

“Strange, isn’t it, how i'ew of our youthful dreams are realised ?" “Oh, 1 don’t know. I remember how 1 once yearned to wear long trousers. Now’ I wear them longer, I feel certain, than almost anybody in the country.”

Maudie: “Mamma, won’t you please ask Dr. Brown to look at my little duckling/ It is ill.” Mother: “No, no; run away! Dr Brown isn’t a bird doctor.” Maudie: “Well, papa, said last night he was a quack doctor!” Why drag her father in and say lie “led her to the altar?” The average bride would make her way Alone and never falter.

“That was an awful mistake the surgeon made. The man he operated on didn’t have what lie thought he had.” Didn’t have appendicitis at all, ehT’ “Oh, he had appendicitis all right, but he didn’t have any money!”

Mother: “My dear son, now’ that you’ve left school, you must really begin looking for some sort of employment.” Her Spoilt Darling; “But don't you think, mother, it would be mure dignified to wait until the offers begin to come in?”

“1 wish larger congregations would attend our church,” said the warden. “So do I,” declared the pretty widow. “The congregation was so small to-night that every time the parson said ‘dearly beloved' I positively blushed.”

“Do you wish the court to understand that you refuse to renew your dog license?” “Yes, but —” “We want no ‘but.’ You must renew your license or be tiued. You know it expired on January Ist.” “Yes, and so did the dog.”

“Any complaints, corporal?’’ said the colonel. “Yes, sir. Taste that, sir,” said the corporal, promptly. The colonel put the liquid to his lips, "Why,” he said, “that’s the best soup I ever tasted.” “Yes, sir,” said the corporal, “and the cook wants to call it coffee.”

“Flow,” said the pert salesman, sarcastically, as he waited to put back the rolls of calico, “can’t you think of something else 1 could show you?” “Yes," replied the customer, “but I don’t think you've got it." “What is it?" “More courtesy,” was the withering reply.