THE SKIPPER AND THE CABIN BOY.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 444, 24 December 1908, Page 3

THE SKIPPER AND THE CABIN BOY.

A Cheerless Tale of Christmas Confectionery. By Wallace Irwin, in "Success.” " Rattle me a ditty,” says the gentlemanly tripper, Rattle me a ditty of the northern polar sea." “Aye!” says the cabin boy, and “aye I” says the skipper, “ Here’s a real adwenture, sir, what happened unto we.”

Twas on the eve 0’ Christmas,” says the skipper to the tripper. (“ Blow me,” says the cabin boy, “ but it were gittin’ cold 1”) “ Our course was nor’-to-starboard by the handle of the dipper,

Our vessel frozen solid from the jib« plank to the hold.

“ Not a livin’ creature could we see upon the ocean.” (“ Skeercely,” says the cabin boy,— “ except eleven whales.”) “ Then, upon a sudden, ere we hSd the the faintest notion, Bang ! wo hit a cake of ice as big as New South Wales ! “ Through the air we shot ter fair as swift as flyin’ pigeons,” (“ Most as swift,” ttie cabin boy deliberately said.) “ Biff! we landed in the snow upon the polar regions, Him a-standin’ on his feet and mo upon me head. “ Thar we sot atop the snows and watched the waves a-comin’, Crashin’, dashing’ on the ice with terrorizin' spunk Till our good ship ‘ Susan Snook ’ (she alters was a rum’un) Shrieked and squeaked and tore and swore—then gurgled as she sunk.

4 Thar we sot, I must repeat, with nary crumb nor cracker, Peelin’ jest as hungry and dejected as ye please, Nothin’ in our pockets, save an ounce o’ plug tobacker And a little cookbook called ‘ One Hundred Recipies.’ “ I begins to whistle, and I tries to think o’ suthin’ Christmas-like and pleasant—but no pleasant subjects came : Settin’ on an iceburg seven million miles from nothin’ Ain’t so very jolly that you'll notice of the same. “ I chawed plug tobacker to restrain meself from sneezin’, Hopin’ as a warmer spell would hit us from the south.” (‘‘ I,” remarked the cabin boy, “ to keep me mind from freezin,’ Read ‘One Hundred Recipes’ and and frosted at the mouth.) “ Suddenly we heard some bell 8 a-janglin’ and a-jinglin’ Then we seen a golden sleigh a-hikin’ o’er the floe— There upon the forninst seat (it set our pulses tingling’), Sat a jolly gentleihan with beard as white as snow. “ 4 Santy Claus, ahoy !’ I yells, for sure enough I knowed him, 4 Won't ye kindly resky us ? We’re starvin', him and me.’ 4 Goodness, mercy, no 1’ he says as if the thought had blowed him, 4 Gosh all Christians, holy smoke, and, likewise, jiminee !’’ 4 4 4 I’m jest startin' from the pole,! he says, not looking pleasant, 4 Bound for Ireland, Portugal, and far Australiee— Forty thousand million kids, and each expects a present ; Can’t ye see this ain’t no time to be a-stoppin’ me ? 44 4 Christmas is me busy day, so I’m a trifle worried— Can’t ye wait a week or so, when, maybe, I’ll be back ? Here’s a little food fer ye,’ he says, with gestures hurried, As he whipped his reindeer up and throwed us off a sack. Last we seen o’ Santy Claus we stood a-lookin’ daffy, Then we opened up the sack and felt undone complete— Nothin’ there but candy canes and peppermint and taffy; Mighty dinky vittles for a hungry man to eat ! “ Talk about the horrors pi an arctic expedition 1 {‘'Starvin’,” says the cabin boy, “and \v eatin’ candy canes I”) 44 Fopdocp balls for Christmas is a ■Splendid proposition, . But fer steady diet they is full o’ <. pains. candyness and sweetness ; bbabor^huM

When a walrus came our way we fed him peanut brittles ; Now and then wo handed maple kisses to the whales; Polar bears et almond creams and seemed to like the vittles, Openin’ their jaws fer more and standing on their tails. “ Spring came on and found us there upon the verge of madness, Candy, candy everywbar, and not a bite to eat !’’ “ Stranger,” says the cabin boy, with looks akin to sadness, “ Think 0’ being shipwrecked on an isle o’ sticky sweet 1” “ Oft we stood at eventide and gazed across the murky Silence, and discoursed on turnips, mutton chops, and cheese.” (“ Also," says the cabin boy, “ I spoke of truffled turkey, Mentioned as delicious in ‘One Hundred Receipes.’ ”) “ Till at last a ship arrived, and with a boot-hook handy. We was dragged from off the ice—ther wa’ant no time to lose ; When they found us we were stretched upon a bed o’ candy, Ragin’ in delirium and eatin’ ot onr shoes,” “ I’ve had some adwentures,” said th e skipper to the tripper, “ I’ve been et by cannibals and swallered by a whale ; Me and him ain’t timid, sir—but by Old Neptune’s slipper, When we think 0’ Santy Claus we turns a trifle pale.”