THE COMPLETE CATECHIST.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 371, 11 April 1908, Page 4

THE COMPLETE CATECHIST.

The Labour Agitators

Catechism.

(For the instruction of those j who aspire to master the true re- j lationship of Labour to Capital , from the Labour point of view;. j Q : Who are you ? A : A Labour Agitator. , Q : What is a Labour Agitator ? , A : One who agitates in the in- , lerests of the sacred cause of Labour. Q: What do you mean by this word Labour ? A : I mean the manual work performed by thehorney-hanclcd son of toil for an inadequate weekly wage. Q: What is the prosaic name for the ‘ ‘ horney-handed son of toil ” ? A: The British working man. Q : Is the British working man as ‘ ‘ sacred ’ ’ as the cause in which he is employed ? A: Yea, verily; he is the Holy of Holies in the Temple of the body politic. Q; Must everything else give way to the claims of this hallowed individual ? A: It must. Q ; Why so ? A: Because it is he alone who creates the wealth, and so promotes the welfare of the community. Q: Give me a precise definition of the term “ working man.” A : One who earns his living by the use of his hands. Q : Quote examples. A: The farm labourer, the miner, the mechanic, and the stonemason. Q: Is the sculptor, who also earns his living with his hands, equal as much a working man as the stonemason ? A : He is not. 0 : Why not ? A: Because, in the case of the sculptor, the hands only play a minor part, being the subsidiary agents of the brain. Q : Is it the fact that brain work is not work at all in the true, the sacred sense of the term ? A : That is so. Q : And that no man who works with his brain is, properly speaking, a working man ? A : Obviously, he is not. Q : Does it follow from this that no professional men—such as barristers, doctors and journalists can be said to have any part or lot in the sacred cause of Labour ? A : It does. Q : And does it further follow that, for this reason, the interests of such men should be ignored by the Legislature ? A: It does. Q ; Why so ? A : Because in a properly constituted community the legislative machine exists solely and exclusively for the benefits of'the working man. Q: Are you yourself paid for agitating in the interests of Labour ? A: I am. I draw an annual salary of two hundred pounds. Q ; How do you agitate : A : Chiefly by making speeches. Q ; Is making speeches manual labour ? A : It is not. Q : Does it require brains ? A : It does. Q : Would you be correct to infer from this that you are not a working man ? A: It would not be correct. Q: Why not? A : Because I am the exception that proves the rule. Q : Is the working man ever a master-man, or is he essentially one who is employed and paid bysomeone else ? A : He is essentially one who is employed and paid by some one else. Q : What do we call that someone else ? A: The capitalist. Q: Define a “ capitalist.” A: An unconscionable tyrant who waxes fat and wealthy on the labour of the working man. Q : How does the capitalist do this ? A : By appropriating to himself the wealth which the working man creates. Q : Does the capitalist do anything in return for the wealth he thus appropriates ? A : Nothing worth speaking of. He merely provides the brain and the capital. Q . Have the brains any practical value ? A: Very little. Q : What is that practical value, if any ? A; Only to control and direct the business, and to see tha.t it is conducted on efficient and successful lines. Q : Is the capitial of any substantial use? A : Very little. Q: What is that substantial use, if any ? A: Merely to build factories and workshops, and to provide all necessary plant and raw material. Q: The capitalist, then, does little or nothing towards earning the huge profits which he wrings out of the labour of the working man ? A : That is so. Q; What is the proper way to deal with the capitalist ? A : To legislate him. out off existence.

The Rev. Dr. Potter, who has returned to Sydney Pom a visit to Californii, says that thediinking saloons there aie doomed. Their disappearance is merely a question of time. The transfoicnce of money from the saloons to other business people, who from motives, selfish though they be, are supporting the cause of temperance. Dr. Porter relates a humorous story regarding the troubles of a thirsty man. This person went to a saloon and said he wanted a whisky, as he was dreadfully weary. The keeper informed him that he could not possibly get any grog unless he produced a prescription. The thirsty one thereupon sought a doctor, and told him of his plight. His appeal was ineffective, though he argued that he was worn out and wanted a stimulant. “If there are no other reasons you cannot get a prescription,” remarked the unsympathetic doctor. A friend suggested as a last resource that snakebite might be tbe means of the thirsty individual gaining his object. The man at once made a search for the reptiles, but alas, he had to sadly relate upon his return, that ‘‘all the snakes were engaged for six months ahead.”

The chairman of an up country school committtee, in forwarding his risiguation to the Auckland Education Board, asked the Board to grant him a substantial sum ” in recognition of my services as scavanger for a period of three years. ” At a meeting of the Board it was suggested that the writer be communicated with to the effect that the meeting of householders takes place shortly, and that he would then have an opportunity of retiring gracefully. The letter was received. —Star.