THE CHURCH CHOIR.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 379, 18 February 1908, Page 4

THE CHURCH CHOIR.

You may organise a church choir, and think you have got it down fine, and that every member of it is pious and full of true goodness, and in such a moment as you think not, you will find that one or more of them is full of the “ Old Harry,” and will break out when you least expect it. There is no more brilliant sight to the student of nature than a church choir. To see the members sitting together, demure, devoted, and piouslooking, you think there is never a thought enters their minds that is not connected with the singing ot anthems but sometimes you get left. There is one church choir in a little town not a thousand miles from the Empire City, that is about as near perfect as a choir can be. It has been organised for a long time, and has never quarrelled, and the congregation swears by it. When -the choir strikes a devotional attitude, it is enough to make an ordinary Christian think of the angel band above —only the male singers wear whiskers and the females wear, fashionable clothes. You wonld not think that this choir played tricks on each other during the sermon, but sometimes they do. The choir is furnished with the numbers of the hymns that are to be sung, by the minister, and they put a book-mark in the hymn book at the proper place. One morning they all got up to sing, when the soprano turned pale, as an ace of spades dropped out of her book ; the alto nearly fainted when the queen of hearts dropped at her feet, and the rest of the pack was distributed round in the other books. They laid it on to the tenor, but he swore, while the minister was preaching, that he did not know one card from another ! After the tenor had been playing tricks for a long time on the rest of the choir, the soprano took a chunk of shoemakers’ wax to church. The tenor was arrayed like Solomon, in all his glory, with white pants and a Seymour coat. He got up to see who the girl was who came in with the old lady, and while he was up the soprano put the sfioemaker’s wax on the chair, and the tenor sat down on it! They all saw it, and they waited for the result. It was an awfully long prayer, and the church was hot; the tenor was no iceberg himself, and shoemakers’ wax melts at ggdeg. fah. The minister finally got to the amen, and read a hymn, and the choir coughed and all rose up. The chair that the tenor was in stuck to him like a brother, and came right along and nearly broke his suspenders. It was the tenor to bat, and as the organ struck up he pushed the chair off his person, looked around to see if he had saved his pants, and began to sing and the rest of the choir came near bursting. The tenor was called out on three strikes by the umpire, and the alto had to sail in, but she put on a pious look, and got her mouth ready to sing ‘‘Hold the Fort.” Well, the tenor sat down on a white handkerchief before he went home, and he got home without any body seeing him, and he has been, as the old saying is, ' ‘ laying ’ ’ for the soprano ever since. It is customary in all firstclass choirs for the male singers to furnish candy for the lady.singers, and the other day the tenor went to a candy factory and had a peppermint lozeuger made with about half a teaspoouful of cayenne pepper in the centre of it. On Christmas he took his lozenger to church, and concluded to get even with the soprano if he died for it. Candy had been passed around, and just before the hymn was given out in which the soprano was to sing a solo, “ Nearer my God to Thee,” the wicked wretch gave her the loaded lozenger. She immediately put it in her mouth and nibbled off the edges, and was rolling it as a sweet morsel under her tongue, when the organ struck up and they , all arose. While the choir was skirmishing on the first part of the verse and getting scored up for the solo, she chewed what was lett of the candy and swallowed it. Well, if a democratic torch-light procession had marched unbidden down her throat, she couldn’t have been more astonished. She leaned over to pick up her handkerchief and spit the candy out, but there was enough pepper left around the salvage of her mouth to have pickled a peck of chow-chow. It was her turn to sing, and as she rose and took the book, her eyes filled with tears, her voice trembled, her face was as red as spanked a lobster, and the way she sang that hymn was a caution. With a sweet tremulo she sang, “ A Charge to Keep I Have,” and the congregation was almost melted to tears. As she stopped while the organist got in a little work, she turned her head, opened her mouth and blew out her breath with a “whoosh,” to cool her mouth. The congregation saw her wipe a tear away, and did not hear the sound of her voice as she “whooshed.” She wiped out some of the pepper with her handkerchief and sang the other verses with a good deal of fervor, and the choir sat down, all of the members looking at the soprano. She called for water. The noble tenor went *and got it for her, and after she had drgnk a couple of quarts, she whispered to him: “ Young man, I will get'-even with you for that peppermint candy if I have|to live a thousand years, and don’t you forget it,” and then they all sat down and looked pious, while the minister preached a most beautiful sermon on “Faith.” It is expected that the tenor will be blown through the roof some Sunday morning, and the congregation will wonder what he is in such a hurry for}