The Telephone.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 3700, 21 July 1906, Page 3

The Telephone.

IN ALLEGED HUMOUROUS

VEIN. Is that Foxton Exchange ? What number ? Friend Billy, Palmerston North. Right-oh, I’ll give you a ring when I get ’em ; about twelve before you. Confound it, how long does that mean? Think you’d better take this telephone arrangement away altogether. Far better to communicate by pack-horse than be kept in suspense for hours at a time waiting on the pleasure of you Departmental servants. The fact is the whole service is in want of re-organisation. Will have to see John Stevens about it. Dit, how much longer have — Ting-a-ling-ting. That you Palmerston North ? Yes, Phil. This is your pal Billy here! Say, Billy, we have heard a lot from you people up that way about advancement and progress, also a lot about your lending a helping hand to Foxton’s advancement. Dont think you will ever be able to materially move the weaklings we have down this way to a sense of action ?

Hard to say, Phil. I expect you refer to your Chamber of Commerce and expert Councillors who are content to take “No” for an answer ? Quite so, Billy ! Well, Phil, they say GG Punch and Nash’s Temple Teas are invigorating. Recommend these luxuries, after using which perhaps your townsfolk wont be farther bamboozled by those Ministerial chaps whose policy it is to make rich promises and say all sorts of nice things afore your face. Tell your chaps, Phil, to keep pegging away, and maybe some day, with our united help, the beach railway, river deepening, increased wharf accommodation, and the Bevin-Greatford railway will all be accomplished. How are things locally, Phil? Hear you may have gas-light or electricity shortly ? Dont say that, Billy ? My “ tinkandecent ” plant is acting 1 splendidly; let the rest look after themselves, I’m alright ; that’s my style and motto. To tell you the truth, Billy, our civic fathers have saddled us with enough rates already. My bill (without detail) recently received gave me a paralytic stroke, and I have heard of others suffering colic and such complaints from the shock. Yes, we have a new bank, rope works, and even flash wooden County Offices all nearing completion. Nothing so common as brick buildings down here, Bill! I tell you things do hum here at times, but it will be a long interval before we are brave enough to go in for those water and lighting schemes you Palmerston people can boast of, I’m thinking. Our people cannot believe that such improvements are reproductive. I’m sure the only way to get these necessary commodities in Foxton is to receive them in the shape of a Carnegie gift. Fact ! We are a pauper community, you know ! Say, Phil, I notice fibre still maintains a high price at 'Ome; I suppose all you bloomin’ Foxtonites, even down to the printer’s devil of the local ’Erald, will be multi-millionaires shortly. How’s the flood up your way, Billy ? Feel the position keenly, Phil, especially there being no communication with flaxopolis. About time we waited on Mr De Ridder and found out some suitable scheme to deal with this flood nuisance, eh ? I’m of the same opinion, Bill, but we will leave it at that for the present. We can live in hopes of travelling on the terrific-paced Foxton express early next week, perhaps! In conclusion, Billy, did you notice how the different telephone wires were in contact ? They have had us connected with Bulls, Feilding, Sanson, Oroua Bridge and Wanganui at different portions of our chatty conversation. Splendid telephone service this of ours, Bill;: ! You will have to rectify matters when you become Premier. Good-bye for present. Ting-a-ling-a-ling. Ring off.