Got it Mixed.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 3656, 7 June 1906, Page 4

Got it Mixed.

He hurt been riding on the roar platform of a Grand River avenue car for a inilo or more and seemed to he studying the conductor’s face all the time. At length bo plucked up thp courage to say: “I don't know nothin 'hoot 'lectriocars, and so am goin to What docs it mean when the boya Bay, ‘Shoot that hat! 1 ’ “I never heard of it in connection with an electric oar,” replied the conductor. “Haven't, ehf Did you ever hear of a car taHiln through the top of its hatf”

“Never.’ 1 . , “Don’t they ever toil a ’lectrio car to Iheese the racket?” “Good lands, no!” “Are there any flies on a ’lectrio car? persisted the questioner. “There.may be, but I doubt it. I gues# you’ve got things pretty badly mixed up.” “Yes, mebbe 1 hov, ” replied the stranger with a long drawn sigh, “and I guess the best way will be to catch a conductor off duty hhd git bn to his shape and give hint a powwow. Much obliged for your kindness. I’ll cork my ear and dry up. ”—Detroit Free Press.

i ust think 1 Mr. SandJ.c, a philopeml with , i !i kisses. : (eagerly)—Why don't you? ... Redbud—Would you? ■iou -Certainly. I’ll hold th» Drjoklyn Life. No Sinister Motive. ■ Mr Ileddineorsf” of yours in Philadelphia , in the commission business. . • Mr.ou?” Vr- In' told mo to tell you ho was well. ■: arils. ” in j Jacobson? What’s his first V I don’t know what the W. Perhaps you do. He said he ■ id friend of yours.” yes; I think I remember him nowl no rears since I’ve seen him. One ~et. you know. Is there anym do for you, Mr.—Mr.”— ■ nt, sir—Plunkett. Your name, . ileddiueers?” .'ll' Is there’’—■ there isn’t anything you can Mr. IToddineers. I can attend myself for calling. When I told ■> the other day I was coming out ■ :;! shako hands with you. Said .1 he glad to see me. I told him ■-ri ire.lv out of my lino to go around lulks iu this way, but ho would n to any objection. That’s why I I didn’t come to stay. I’m not ;-n..ing for a job. I don’t want to borrow money or sponge on you for a lunch, yyiks, I don’t care about sitting f came hero to oblige Jacobson, "i you his message, aud I’ll not . .-.•li-jr minute of your valuable ; Go to Thunder, sir! Good after* • •'■•■.«!’*—Chicago Tribune. An Objection. .Vs/' said Mrs. Hunnimune, “she seemed like a very good natured and capable servant. But I couldn’t keep her.” “Was the work too hard for her?” “No; she said the place was just to her liking In most respects. There was only one objection.” “What was that?” “My clothes wouldn’t fit her.”—Wash* lugtoa Star. Corrected. Mr. Emerson Hub (reading newspaper) —The cashier made no bones of taking the whole sum. Mrs. Huh—How vulgarly put I Mr, Hub—How would you express It, my dear? Mrs. Hub—The cashier made no study In osteology of appropriating the financial assets.—Minneapolis Journal. Too Much. Customer—These nails I bought here yesterday are in a terrible condition. Half of them are rusty. Salesman (indignantly)—Well, what If they are? You don’t suppose we can manicure every pound we send out, do you?— Boston Post. Taking the Lesser Evil. Moberly—You look pretty happy fora man who’s on his way to the dentist to have two teeth extracted. Hansom (with great joy)—You see, if I didn’t go to the dentist’s, I’d have to stay at home to my wife’s 5 o’clock tea. —Chicago Record. He Got It. Mrs. Magun—l came across one of your old letters today, George, whore you said that you would rather bo in endless torment with mo than bo in bliss by yourself. Mr. Magun—Well, my dear, I got my wish.— London Tit-Bits. Ah Inference. “You have saved my daughter, at the risk of your own life, from a watery grave, young man. May I infer from this that rou have the means to establish a household of your own?”—Fliegende Blatter. Partial Intimacy. Caller—Are you intimate with Mrs. Flrstflnor? Mrs. Thirdfloor—Well—er—our servant girls hang our clothes on the same roof. — New York Weekly. Amuumltioa. .-. ..v. C" orius let us make a list ot fOOf d “One moment, dear uncle, HU I have filled up youv Ink*!and. ” —FUogondo Blatter. ’ Uncomfortable. * .- I ■ m.T.y own? ■ yes, of course. I wish o’vny. It. sounds too ’.V. ' hi.-.c -a S.'.-ir. "W*' 1 " ItalWMt Bail MUNlflAfefc-

'.Vo, SUP. - Dmih'.i- Acrostic. Suitable. Marks of distinction. Dimit-vi. To f.o iri. !;. A hone. Furious. Oi.t--A ■ anted by ano; her. My priuuii.s and finals rend downward name two eminent American divines. Ko. Si)o. Enigma. A quad rumanoua animal Is that which wc a total calk A silly fellow, too, is he, And servile, as you often see. Bettor to follow one’s own plan Than ail some much admired mam For artificiality Is never pleasing, all agree. No. SCl,— Tommy's Impression.

Tommy—Are you a real man, grandpa? Grandpa— Yes, Tommy. Now what did you think I was? Tommy-Thought you were 1 (Fill htit Tommy’s answer.)—Golden Days. No. 253.—0 n a Fishing Excursion. (Find the fishes whose names are defined.) My first catch was a “sudden blow or hit” (1). Surprised at this, I turned round ; “to challenge” (2) the offender, when I saw ; a “stupid fellow” (3) and a “user of some j bait or artifice” (4) near a “tree” (5). Ap- ’ preaching, I sought “to find fault” (6) at my misadventure. “One who darts” (7) suddenly passed with “deep, guttural sounds” (8), and instinctively a “pole” (9) was thrust at a “bucket of a pump” (10). “One who praises extravagantly” (11) came near. I had been cautioned to beware of a “person easily duped or cheated” (12), and given to understand that I might expect an encounter with a “machine for beating out grain” (18). Remembering that warning, I beat a hasty retreat, leaving my booty behind in the pond. No. 253.—Charade. The waves were racing In the bay, | And shining one of foam wore they; Up came a boatman, steering gay That craft of his. I asked, with my most courteous bow, “Is any iish in season now?" He answered, as he moored his scow, “Aye, haddock is." ! We went for haddock; soon we caught One of great two; the line was taut; The boat would surely whole, I thought, Iu the abyss. But only I plumped in. My trips Since then I take on larger ships; I’m wary since from Ocean’s lips I had a kiss. No. 254. —Numerical Enigma. My whole, composed of 83 letters, is » quotation from Halleck. ' My 29. 30. 24, 8, 18, 28, 31. 11, 1,6, 23 L) ruin. My 25, 3,5, 28,10, 13, 21, 19, 83 is subjec- ; tiou to death. ! My T, 20,17, 4, 14 is to turn rapidly. My 32, 2, 27 is an animal; My 15, 12, 23 is to become weary. My 10, 9 is an interjection. No. 255.—Geographical Divisions. Take a river from a town in England and leave a clamorous creditor. A drinking cup from a city iu Italy and * leave part of the body, A carpenter’s tool from a town In Russia and leave turmoil. i ke present time from a town in Hin-du.r-um and l.'ave good fortune. A weight from a town in Massachusetts Kiri leave fresh. Travailing fashion from a town iu Ohio pud leave a period of time. A Curd Trick. Deal 25 cards in five rows of five cards I each, face upward. Invite a person to think of a card and to tell you in which : row it is. Note in your own mind the first or left hand card of that row. Now pick up the cards in verticle columns—i. e., beginning at the last card of the last row, plr cing th card face upward upon the last of the next row, those two upon the last of the next row, and so on. When you have picked up ail the cards in this manner, deal (hem out again in the same way an at first. You will observe that those cards which before formed tbe first cards of each row now themselves form the first row. Ask the person in which row his card now is. When he has told you, look to the top row for the first card of the original row, when the card thought of will be found in a direct lino below St in tbe last row indicated. , | Key to (be Puzzler. j No. 241.—A Tangle: I We welcomed May with all her changing skies I And hailed with Joy the queenly mouth of ! flowers, Counting some blessing on each fleeting day, Telling them on a rosary of hours, gome idle tears must fall above the past For all the sweet dead days that we remember; ■ But, with the garnered treasures in our grasp, j We drink the golden wine of bright September. No. 242.—Numerical Enigma: “Civility may truly be said to cost nothing; if it does not meet with a due return, it at least leaves you iu the most creditable position.” No. 243.—A Riddle: Balance. No. 244. —Things to Be Seen: Post. Bar. Weed. Hole (whole). Ground. Shadow. Landseer. No. 245 —Word Building: 1, is, sir, sire, shire, shrive, dervish, shivered, shriveled. No. 246.—Hidden Pro verb: When poverty comes in at the door, love flies out at the window. No. 247. Word Squares;

Xo. 245.- •Qiuil.’ii'-s of Cities; Aurora Cork. Con.e.nl, Hull, Cayenne StS* tskltti I *BS*m

L A T E S C 0 T T F A M E A R I D c A P ili R A R I D T I D E 0 P E R A M I T E E D E N T E R M s E D E N T R A S H