BEATEN.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 3617, 8 May 1906, Page 4

BEATEN.

A Teacher Who Was an Eye Opener to «w Whole Town, i “You don't want to brag too heavy Ixmt your muscles, my boys,” said Uncle Lishn Todd to a group who were testing ■ their strength in front of his store, “You can't tell nothin ’bout what a man’s made of from his talk, no more’n yer can tell from a catamount’s haowl how r much damage he’ll do.” The boys did not gainsay the truth of this assertion, and the old man continued:

"Now, Lem Cole, he was given to tbintriu uncommon high of Lem Cole’s Itrength till he learned himself more thorough.” The boys dropped down upon the steps in happy expectancy, for they-knew a story was coming. “There was a schoolmaster come here a good spell back to teach up there to that little red institution of learnin in the holler. He were a mild, slim, hungry lookin chap, an when he landed off from the stagecoach Lem sighted him an decided ter ’tend the fall term. He Towed ter the boys he could pick up the master and snap him between his thumb an finger, same’s you would a little green snake in the spring, “Well, it come commencin ’day, an the teacher called ’em ter order an made a little gentle speech to ’em ’fore he begun. Then he up an asked Lem, bein he was the oldest an biggest, where they left off in figures in the spring. “Lem, he got up kinder slow an says. *Wo were a-studyin subtraction of fractions, an our teacher, bein only jest 4 little, small part of a man, wodtiutractfd him outen the winder, There was aught an one ter carry, an I guess we’ll go right on from there,* an so sayin he up an picked up the schoolmaster an started fur the winder.

“Now, the master hed college learnin, an he fit scientific, an ’fore Lem knowed it ha was in the w'oodbox an the cover shet down. There was cracks enough ter keep 'im from emotherin, an the teacher kep’ him there three hours. “After the scholars hed gone he opened the lid. an says he, ‘Are you sura ’fcwaa subtraction?’ And Lem he answered up mighty perlite" an says, ‘Come ter think It over, I guess ’twas partial payment, an you’ve begun ell right.’ “An after that he were the stidiest boy In the whole school. He never boasted no more on himself, Lem didn’t, and that teacher he were jest a eyeopener ter tha whole town.”—Youth’s Companion, A Mistake.

Reynard—That is a strange looking bird, but 1 must fascinate it and get it for my lunch.

Escaped Parrot—What are you staring at me for? 1 —ll 11 I—* Sic ’im. Watch I Sic ’im! Sic ’im! —Life.

Re Made Allowance. A French journal reports the case of a man who entered a coffee bouse ami sat down near a customer who was reading the morning newspaper which belonged to the establishment •After you with the paper. If yon please.” said the newcomer. The other man nodded assent and went on reading, but at the end of half an hour had hardly finished the first column. Just as the waiting customer was about making a second and perhaps impatient application he noticed that the reader had lost one of his organs of eight. His resentment vanished. “Ah,” said he in a low voice, “I am not surprised. The poor man has only one eye and has to read everything twice over.”—Exchange. Willing to Follow Advice. Uncle—When yon find that you’ve mado a mistake, start again right where you were before and try to do better. Nephew—Thank you, sir. I’ve made the mistake of spending that S4OO you gave me two weeks ago. Please give me S4OO more, so I can start where 1 waa before. —Chicago News-Record. Laid Up. A. Uo yon know why Boftlolgh did not attend the lectures today? B. Yes; he told me he had caught cold yesterday looking at the Parthenon frieze.—Harvard Lampoon. Truly a Modest Maid. I want no duke nor honored can, Ko brave and comely knight: I want a man who'U tend (lie ttov*. And the kitchen (ires light. I want no daring warrior Before whose sword men fall; 1 want a timid little man Who’ll answer to my call. I want no lordly banker With wealth on land and sea; i want a man whose hoarding* Shall in my keeping be. 1 want no handsome, brilliant man Whose glance tbe heart can hart; 1 vvau; a man so ugly *VI !.< 1,01.0 will with him flirt. i ivai.t a man ol learning. Of i he mental, vast and high; ; aa man who knows and feel* U.‘ anowa much less than 1. —Omaha Befe