Not Up to Date.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 3644, 1 May 1906, Page 4

Not Up to Date.

“Handy,“ sold Forme? Corntoasal, “tbs world moves, an we oner move with tt. But I’m afeord tSet out In this part o’ the country we’re party nigh certain ter git left.” “Whut’s the matter, Joßiarf” “We’re livia on the slowest railroad ob earth." “Thet’s a fact.” “The clock’s never less’n font hours Blow." “Never." “Well, I’ve discovered thet it’s wuas’n that. I looked at the thermometer, as ♦bet’s three months behindhand at thfl lowest calculation. ”—Washington Star. Retaliation.

Ho—You’re all alike—nothing but van* Ity. Why, you never saw a man powder and paint. She—But I’ve seen a man of 00 comb two or three hairs over his bald head and try to pass for 30.—Once a Week. Breaking It Gently. He was digging rock in a phosphate mine on the Ton Milo hill, near Charleston, and' I was assistant superintendent of the place. One day after the hands had knocked off he said to mo: “Boss, is you know how fur rite one letter?” I assured him that my education had extended that far and asked to whom h« wished to write. “To my breddor,” said ho. “And whom is your brother?” “He am ecu de penitentiary.” “For what?” “Ho kill one man.” “Oh, he murdered some one?” “Ho ain’t murder no one. Ho claiightre 'em.” “Ah, manslaughter I" “Dat’s do way. Will you please cite one letter to ’em on arx how be do? He name Gus Pritchard.” “How is that, when you ore his brother, and your name Is Robinson? “Oh, dat’s all right. Befo’ de wah nigger been hab only one name, same like de people een de Bible, en so doy tek d#N massa name fur dero lass name.” “Very well, I’ll write to Inquire about Pritchard.” I wrote to the superintendent of the penitentiary In Columbia and was infomed that Pritchard bad been dead far mvwsl months. I did not like to toll the news la person to Robinson, so I asked Georgs Washington to do so, and I endeavored to impress upon George the necessity of breaking the news gently. “Oh, I know wha’ you mean,” sold George, “I know,. All right, sab." On the following day I asked George whether he had broken the news to Robinson, and ho replied: “Oh, yes, sah. I tell ’em een de way wha’ you say I muss. Fuss 1 say, ‘Sambo, enty you got one bredderf’ En ha say, ‘ Yes. ’ Deni say, ‘ Enty you hredder am oea do penitentiary?’ En ho say, ‘Yss,’ again. Den I say, ‘Ho dead.’ ” “Good gracious, man I Do you call that breaking the news gently? What did Robinson say?” “Sambo say: ‘Oh, den ho am dead! But wuffer you tell mo ’bout ’em con sioh a rouu’about way?"—Now York Sun. A Good Deal of Inference. The other day a citizen called at ths stomp window of the pnstnffloo and laid two peonies on the shelf. The clerk looked at him for ten seconds and then queried; “Two ones?” “No, of course notl When a man lays down 3 cents, be wants a 3 cent stamp, of cour.se.” “Not always.” “But that’s the inference. After this when you see two pennies down hero you can infer that a 3 cent stamp is wanted.” Next day the same man called and put down a $lO bill, and before ho could speak the clerk shoved it back to him with th« remark: “The government doesn’t issue any.” “Any what?” “Any thousand cent stamps. Scary I can’t accommodate you.” “Who asked'for a thousand cent stamp?" “You did. Whenever a man lays down A |lO bill, the Inference is that he wants one of those stamps, but, as I said, they ass not issued. ” The man picked up his bill and walked out with a red face, but five minutes late? returned and dropped a cigar on the shell and good naturcdly queried: “And what do you infer from that?” “Smoke—shakel" replied the eki k, and the two bwune friends.—Dataolt Free Press. Mom* OhuuM «f Appreciation ttta. V«p Ekho—l’m determlnod that my frtogbtto shall have a •banco to shpw what she mu do. I have orreagad tor hipt to sing before sores op*** singes*, uti «&- •reread to read a Mp«r o« art bofoas boom paistsM. Ooftldlhtrre kerdotaoM than that? Mr. fibkßio— T««: bare her dsllvre the lecture on ato to the opare singers on.dsUg before the painters.—Chicago Record. B«9*rto«. “You ought to be ashamed of ywoaasK, 1 ’ mid the feather legged hen one. * 1 The idea of you trying to «rov.* ’ “Anyway,” retorted the game ban, yltt a scornful glaaco at the other's extremities, “anyway I have not begun wearing bloomers I”—-Indianapolis Journal. Generous to » Fault. “And what are you going to give yoat little Bister for a birthday present ?” “I’m going to ask papa to got her a football, and then I’ll show hoe how to play.” —Ottawa Free Press. A Disappointment. Nodd—My wife felt terribly to think I played poker last night. Todd —Is that so? Why? Nodd—Jibe lost a new bonnet-.—Clothier and Furnisher. Wholesale. Remit—-How much for a marring* is—O.n- dollar for a singio license; - muration license.---Dutradt