UNKNOWN

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 3646, 26 April 1906, Page 4

UNKNOWN

Georg o Clarke, the celebrated nogxv minstrel, being on one occasion examined as a witness, was severely interrogated by the barrister, who wished to creak; down Ms evidence. "You are in the negro minstrel business, I believe?” Inquired the barrister. "Yes, sir,” was the prompt reply. _ "Is not that rather a low calling?” demanded the" barrister. "I don’t know but what it is. sir,” reKthe minstrel, "but it is so touch t than my father's that I am rather pregd of it.” frffihat was your father’s calling?*’ "Be was a barrister,” replied Clarke In a tone that put the court in a roar of ktighter,-*

He—Weally, I carn’t see anything to larf at, yon know. ' She—l can. —Club. fi« Could Get Marriedi A yovmr ■ mlored girl of Philadelphia thu* toi i ho: 1 grievance to the court the other -Ly. "Mah name’s Virginy Georgy i.srrl.v v.v.t- ] has hopes ob hit bein « v, ~t i’ze hyar to’ tor T. over mind that,” baton up wd the magistral*, “goon with your story." “Well,” continued the girl, "dii hyar olggab hex bin o-ksapla cump’ny wif me fo* nigh outer dz 'l'.rith'. «« he bin powerful sugary an , <i’t ; iVa a janhah in igli intlooenced i;j ~. ---Y- --•■ ” : . , ...a v/. ue could afioud • km alioiul hit now, hut he . ” “How do you know he cm of- ' marry you?" asked the judge. !• I’ I know! how d’ I know!” cried n.-, s .1. ,“Why, hit on’y tecks 60 cent* fur *, license, an I seen him flashin a dolls! arse night; dat’s how I know.” He Caught On. They were riding out in the euburbsae the bashful youth and she the fair maiden who bad been out riding before. She fidgeted awhile and then said, “Oh, Iharlay, I'm so afraid I will fall out." “No danger. The road is as level as a floor.” "That may bo, but I feel all the time 'ii; I as though I would go overboard." Then mie let out a timid little scream, and ho grasped her firmly and saids “Don’t tumble. I’ll hold you." “There,” she said, “you took a tumble at last, but 1 had to threaten to take one myself before you caught on." And aft;r i hat she was held as secure' / as though tied toj.no seat with tho hitching strap.- - . A Great Itocuid. The lata William Young Sellar, whose books on the Latin poets are so widely known and so much valued, was professor at the University of Edinburgh. Ho was much beloved by his pupil# and had generally an exemplary patience with dullness and stupidity. V7o are told, however, that one day the perverse impenetrability of a blockhead was #o Intolerable that the professor at last cried out:

“Sir, in translating that passage you have made more mistakes than the -word* admit of.”-. ~ Doubtful. Mrs. PlanWngton (to visitor, Willie SUmson, who has just eaten the last piece of pie)—Won’t you have another piece, Willie? There’s plenty more in the pantry? Willis (doubtfully)—! don’t know. If 1 thought that was eo, 1 might. Mrs. PlanMngton— Why, what do yon mean? Don’t you believe whut I tell you? Willis—Ma told me not to,- t IpMkaM I* T»tt«rsd Tom—Well, I’m dummsd! Sagged Robert—Wet’s thar matter? Ain’t them soup tickets good? Tattered Tom—l wisht I'd paid more Attention to me studies when X w»i young. Here I’ve tramped 40 blocks to a soupbouM, an th’ woman inside say* them tickets sails for soap SJueh More. Lover —Give me your hand, dearest. Adorable Object (extending a hand of more than generous proportions)—You foolish boy. • Lover (aotto voce}—l believe yon. This U an instance where the supply piore than equals the demand.Too Sluoil. Doctor —Yes, madam, I think you are overworked. Patient—But do look at my tongue, doctor, and tell me why it looks bo badly. Doctor —Oh, that is also the result ol overwork. A alisoalcnlatioa. Mother—New, never let me catch you at the j;:ta again, WIT- 3 ’ o —l—l—-Tiednot to let yon catch me this time.- »' N " vn-.ut it tvb». “Sony- d'.'i" “Is it compulsory?” “Wo, tn!. consomme." — ri •./ASWpOOBU