Page 4 Advertisements Column 4

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 3620, 6 March 1906, Page 4

A Bad Caw. Ono6 l mi assistant to an elderly doctor In Ontario, who also ran » drag store. He was as peppery as a cayenne pod. and from time to time customers and palais sprung iokea on him just for the fun of hearing dm blow off. On one occasion a well dressed young fellow called at the shop nod asked the doctor to prercriLo foutt breaking out and a rash on his left arai. The doctor examined the limb and pronounced It to be a bad case of psoriasis and eczema. “I suppose, doctor, you cm cure it?” said the patient. “Why, certainly,” replied the doctor. “How long will it take to get well?” “Ob, I guess about two mouths,” said the doctor. “Quite sure, sir—is It a bad case?" “Positively the worst I’ve seen.” “Then 1 will leave it with you and call for it again when cured,” solemnly said tbs patient, Slowly Unfasten lug !£* arm, which Was »n artificial one and pa.au-d for the occasion.—Chemist end Druggist. It was the fate of a practical and patriotic Scotchman of Rochester to assist at a meeting of a certain improvement society, the while a Shakespearean scholar dilated upon the virtues of his favorite writer. At tho eloae of tho meeting the stranger approached tho lecturer, ami the following dialogue ensued: “Ye think a fine lot o’ .Shakespeare, doctor?” “I do, sir,” was the emphatic reply. “An ye think ho was mair clever than Rabbi Burns?” “Why, there’s no comparison between them." “Maybe no, but ye tell us the nicht it was Shakespeare who wrote ‘Uneasy lies tho head that wears the crown.’ Now, Rabbi would never hae written sic nonsense as that.” “Nonsense, sir?” thundered the indignant doctor. “Aye, Just nonsense. Rabbi would hae kent fine that a king, or a queen cither, disna gai , to bed wl’ the croon ra their head. They hang it ower the buck o’ a chair!”—Exchange. Pains Taking. N •Life. Barns Knew Better.

Hnblt. “You have paid mu nothing ou account of my bill for nix months,” wrote a tailor to the editor of a suburban paper recently. “My capital,” he continued, “does not admit of my giving such long credits. Kindly remit at once.” Inclosed iu the envelope was a duplicate copy of the bill long past duo, which the editor, solely through the force of habit na ho maintained, inscribed “respectfully declined,” and then tossed it into the waste basket.—New York Herald. Foreign Travel Improves. Successful Farmer—Son George got some sense dui-in that foreign tour anyhow. Wife—l haiu’tseen it. “I have. You know he spent a good while In Lunuon, as ho calls it ?” “Yea, an I’d like to know what good it did.” "tJ»o y’r eyes, Miranda. Ha learned to turn up hi/j pants w’en It rains.”—New York Weekly. A Considerate Debtor. Collector —When are you going to pay title bill? I can’t be coming here everyday in tha week. Debtor—Well, what day could you corns on conveniently? "I could call on Saturday,” “All right. From now on I shall expect you every Saturday.”—Texas Siftings. An Heirloom. Droper—Do you believe Sprinkler’s assertion that the stylish umbrella he carries was owned by his great grandfather? Poorer —Oh, yes; he says his grandfather put a new stick in it, his father a new frame, and Sprinkler has had it covered.— Clothier and Haberdasher. No Good. First Colored Gamester—l’ve got t're* kings. Second Ditto—Dey’s no good. “Watcher got?” “A razor.”—Binghamton Leader. A Superior Scheme. Mrs. Dontkno—Mrs. Muscavado employs Bone but elderly servants. Mrs. Knowitall—That is to give strangers the impression that they have been in the family for many years.—Truth. The Ugly Heiress. Fortune Teller—Your husband will be a poor man. Inquirer—How can you tell that f Fortune Teller—Well, rich men don’t marry for money.—Life. Why She Objected. “Mrs. Sinks is very bitter in her eoudetnfeation of poker, isn’t she?” said the caller. “Yes,” replied the hostess. “Tost know Mr. Sinks plays a wretched game.’*—'Washington Star. j “ j! Information Wanted. Mrs. Gay—Mary, did I see you biasing my husband this morning? Mary—At what time?—Boston Budget. I His Share. j Yea, this is her picture, draws ;' By tha son’s resistless flash! 11 Elves of hazel like a fawn, Hidden by tlie drooping lash. Such a neck and shoulders too] | Ah, I thought yoo’d like her arms. | Sorely artist never drew Any goddess with such charms] Flatters her? Oh, no, not much! : Her complexion's like a peach. And hi.r smile—that soulful touch Which the lens could never retch. Lucky man? Well, maybe, sir. Bat this picture and one curl Are all I have left of her, For Jack Stockton got tho girl! , . —Barry Homaine in Vogaa. i

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