BEATEN.

Manawatu Herald, 28 February 1905, Page 4

BEATEN.

A. Tcaclier Who Was an Eyo Opener to the Whole Town. “Yon don’t want to brag too heavy tout your inr sdos my boys,” said Uncle Lish Todd to u group wto were testing then strength in front of Ills sto: i-. “You can't fill nothin ’bout wha t a man’s made of from his talk, no more'n ycr can tei! ftOifi a ra ■ :: a>[. huw uiuoii damage he’ll dTho boys did not gainsay tin 1 iT' ’ this assertion, and the old man cunfinuert: “Now, Lem Cole, ho was given to thinkin uncommon high of Lem Cole’s strength till ho learned himself more thorough.” Tho boys dropped down upon tho stop;} in happy expectancy, for they knew a story was coming. “There was a schoolmaster come here a good spell buck to teach up there to that little red institution of learnin in the holier. Ho were a mild, slim, hungry lookin chap, an when ho landed off from the stagecoach Lem sighted him an decided ter ’tend tho fall term. Ho ’lowed ter tho boys ho could pick up the master and snap him between his thumb an finger, same’s you would a little green snake in the spring.

“Well, it come commencin day, an tho teacher called ’em tor order an made a little gentle speech to ’em ’fore he begun. Then he up an asked Lem, bein bo was tho oldest an biggest, where they left off in figures in the spring. “Lem, ho got up kinder slow an says. ‘We were a-studyin subtraction of fractions, an our teacher, bein only jest a little, small part of a man, we subtracted him onion tho winder. There was aught an one ter carry, an I guess we’ll go right on from there,’ an so sayin he up an picked up tho schoolmaster an started fur the winder.

“Now, the master hed college leamin, an he fit scientific, an ’fore Lem knowed it ho was in tho woodbox an tho cover shot down. There was cracks enough ter keep ’im from smotherin, an the teacher kep’ him there three hours, “After tho scholars heel gone ho opened tho lid, an says he, ‘Are yon sure ’twaa subtraction?’ And Lem he answered up mighty perlite an says, ‘Como ter think it over, 1 guess ’twas partial payment, an you’ve begun all right.’ “An after that he were tho stidiestboy in the whole school. Ho never boasted no more on himself, Lem didn’t, and that teacher ho were jest a eyeopener ter the wholo town.”—Youth’s Companion. A Mistake.

Reynard—That is a strange looking bird, but I must fascinate it and get it for my lunch.

Escaped Parrot—What are you staring at mo for? 1 11 !! I —* Sic s im, Watch 1 Sic ’im! Sic ’im!—Life. He Made Allowance. A French journal reports the case of a ■man who entered a coffee house and sat down near a customer who was reading the morning newspaper which belonged to the establishment. “After you -with the paper, if you please,” said the newcomer. The other man nodded assent and went on reading, but at the end of half an hour had hardly finished the first column. Just as the waiting customer waa about making a second and perhaps impatient application ho noticed that the reader had lost one of his organs of eight. His resentment vanished. “All,” said he in a low voice, “I am not surprised. The poor man has only one eye and has to read everything twice over.”—Exchange. Willing to Follow Advice. Uncle —When you find that you’ve made a mistake, start again right where you were before and try to do better. Nephew—Thank you, sir. I’ve made the mistake of spending that S4OO you gave mo two weeks ago. Please give me S4OO more, so I can start where I was before.—Chicago News-Record. Laid. Up. A. —Do yon know why Softleigh did not attend the lectures today? B. —Yes; he told me he had caught cold yesterday looking at the Parthenon frieze.—Harvard Lampoon. Truly a Modest Maid. i want no duke nor honored earl, Ro bravo and comely knight; I want a man who’ll tend tho stove. And tho kitchen tires light. I want no daring warrior Before whose sword men fall: I want ft timid little man Who’ll answer to my call. I want no lordly banker With wealth on land and sea; I want a man whoso hoardings Shall in my keeping bo, I want no handsome, brilliant maa Whoso glance tho heart can hurt; 1 want a man so ugly That none will with him flirt. I want a man of learning, Of tho mental, vast and high; I want a man who knows and feela He knows much less than L —Omaha Bttk