Page 2 Advertisements Column 6

Manawatu Herald, 24 December 1904, Page 2

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In a Humourous Vein. NOT WITHIN REACHING MS- * TANCE! A southern jobber was lunching at the Hardware club the other day during his vacation visit to New York and ordered cold lamb and mint sauce. When the meat was set before him, toe jobber looked about and then called out, “ Waiter!’’ “ Yes, sir.” “ Where’s the mint ?” “ In Philadelphia, sir." A CRUEL WISH. “ Was your elopement with Mill Goldberg a success." “ Hardly." “ What went wrong ?" “ Her father, the millionaire, sent ttt a telegam saying, ‘ Do not return and all will be forgiven,’" MARRIAGE. “ Pa," said a little boy, “what Is an absolute monarchy?" “Wait until you get married, my son, and than you’ll soon find out." THE SCIENTIFIC WAY. “ I wonder,” said Mrs Jerkin's, « what’s going on in the Hemmlngert W backyard?” ■ • “ Better hire a war balloon and find , out,” snapped Jorkins. WHY SHE ENJOYED THEM. “ I like to attend these band concerts at the parks," said Miss Quickstep- “ You can always get so far hack that, the music doesn’t disturb your conversation at all.” right" there. The Caller—Can I see the lady ot the house ? The Cook—Hovn't yez eyes? ONE VIEW OF IT. “ Marriage," a man said to-day, “ is an insane desire to pay two week*' board at once." THE CORN FED PHILOSOPHER. “ It is not the disrespect that worries a man when his boy begins calling him ‘ the old man,’ " said the corn fed philosopher, “ as much as the fact that It reminds him he is getting old." PUGNACIOUS PA. “ Well, talking with pa is bound to have some good result, dear." “ Yes, that’s just what I was thinking. If I don’t get your band, I shall get his toot, that’s certain." ON HIS DIGNITY. Jack— “ Is it true, Harry, that you have given up all thoughts of making Maud your wife ?" Harry—“ Well, I should say so." Jack— “That’s strange; I thought you were making a dead set at her." Harry—" So I was, but I've changed my mind in that quarter. I tried to get her to give me a kiss, and she re*, fused, but in less than ten seconds after refusing to kiss me, she kissed that . wretched pug dog of hers at least a / dozen times. I tell what it Is—when a woman prefers the wet nose of a dirty pug to the tidy mouth of a live mao, there is a screw loose somewhere, and I congratulate myself on my narrow : escape.” ' v- . WHEN DADDY WAS A BOY, I think when daddy was a boy h« ' never done a thing, He allers told the truth, an* never even owned a sling, Because his mother didn’t want to have him rough and wild, And kept him in the house to be a , model of a child. Why, boys then studied aU the time, an’ never stopped to play; They never said they’d rest jus’ now and work some other day j An’ none of ’em would spring a joke, 1 an’ none of ’em annoy, An’ everything was perfect when father was a boy. J:.Why, when the circus came to town, they didn’t cut an’ go, ’ • An’ so they wasn’t punished, for they!. didn't like a show; ■ ■ They worked, an’ worked, an’ plodded on, an’never cared for joy, For everything was perfect when father , was a boy. " : . .

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