Got It Mixed.

Manawatu Herald, 25 June 1904, Page 4

Got It Mixed.

He bad been riding on the rear platform of a Grand River avenue car for a mile or more and seemed to be studying the conductor’s face all the time. At length ho plucked up the courage to say; “I don’t know nothin ’bout ’lectrio cars, and so am goin to ask. What docs it moan when the boys say, ‘Shoot that hatl* ’’ “I never heard of it in connection with an electric car,” replied the conductor, “Haven’t, oh? Did you over hear of a car talkln through the top of its hat?” “Never.” , . . “Don’t they ever tell a lectrio car to iheese the racket?" "Good lands, no!” “Are there any flies on a lectrio oar? persisted the questioner. “There may bo, but I doubt it. I guess you’ve got things pretty badly mixed up. “Yes, mebbe I hev, ” replied the stranger with a long drawn sigh, "and I guess the best way will bo to catch a conductor off duty and git on to hla shape and give him a powwow. Much obliged for your kindness. I’U cork my ear and dry up, ’ '--Detroit Free Press. Accommodating.

Miss, Redbud—Just think! Mr, Sandstone wants to mate a phllopena with to be paid for with kisses. Castleton (eagerly)—Why don’t you? Miss Redbud—Would you? Castleton—-Certainly. I’ll hold the stakes. —Brooklyn Life. No Sinister Motive. “Is this Mr. Heddineors?” "Yes, sir.’’ ‘‘ My name Is Plunkett. lam acquainted with a friend of yours In Philadelphia —Jacobson, in the commission business. He told me”— “Jacobson?” "Yes; he told me to tell you he was well. Sent his regards.” “Did you say Jacobson? What’s his first name?” “Henry W. I don’t know what the W. stands for. Perhaps you do. He said he was an old friend of yours.” “Oh, yes; I think I remember him nowl Been some years since I’ve seen him. One Is apt to forget, you know. Is there anything I can do for you, Mr.—Mr.”— “Plunkett, sir—Plunkett. Your name, I think, is Heddineors?” “Yes, sir. Is there”— “No, sir; there isn’t anything you can do for me, Mr. Heddineers. I can attend to kicking myself for calling. When I told Jacobson the other day 1 was coming out this way, he made mo promise to hunt you up and shake hands with you. Said you would be glad to see me. I told him It was entirely out of my line to go around bothering folks in this way, bpt he would not listen to any objection. That’s why I am here. I didn’t come to stay. I’m not hunting for a job. I don’t want to borrow any money or sponge on you for a lunch. No, thanks, I don’t care about sitting down. I came here to oblige Jacobson. I’ve given you his message, and I’ll not occupy another minute of your valuable time. Go to thunder, sirl Good afternoon I”— Chicago Tribune. An Objection. “Yes,” said Mrs. Hunnimune, “she seemed like a very good natured and capable servant. But I couldn’t keep her. ” “■Was the work too hard for her?” “No; she said the place was just to her liking in most respects. There was only one objection.” “What was that?” “My clothes wouldn’t fit her.”—Washington Star. Corrected. Mr. Emerson Hub (reading newspaper) —The cashier made no hones of taking the whole sum. Mrs. Hub—How vulgarly put! Mr. Hub—How would you express It, my dear? Mrs. Hub—The cashier made no study In osteology of appropriating the financial assets.—Minneapolis Journal. Too Much. Customer—These nails I bought here yesterday are in a terrible condition. Half of them are rusty. Salesman (indignantly)—Well, what If they are? You don’t suppose we can manicure every pound we send out, do you?— Boston Post. Taking the Lesser XML Moberly—You look pretty happy fora man who’s on his way to the dentist to have two teeth extracted. Hansom (with great Joy)—You see, If 1 didn’t go to the dentist's, I’d have to stay s at home to my wife’s 6 o’clock tea.—Chicago Record. 1 He dot It. Mrs. Magun—l came across one of your old letters today, George, where you said that you would rather be in endless torment with me than be in bliss by yourself. Mr. Magun—Well, my dear, I got my wish.—London Tit-Bits. An Inference. “ You have saved my daughter, at the risk of your own life, from a watery grave, young man. May I infer from this that E ou have the means to establish a houseold of your own?”—FUegende Blatter. Partial Intimacy. Caller—Are you intimate with Mrs. Firstfloor? Mrs. Thlrdfloor—Well—er—our servant girls hang our clothes on the same roof.— New York Weekly. Ammunition. “Now, Charles, Ibt ns make a list of jronr debts.” “One moment, dear uncle, till I have filled up your inkstand. ’ ’ —FUegende Blatter. Uncomfortable, -v She—Am I your owny own? He—Er—um—yes, of course. I wish you wouldn’t say owny. It sounds too much like only.—Washington Star.