What He Was.

Manawatu Herald, 11 June 1904, Page 4

What He Was.

Ceorge Clarke, the celebrated negro minstrel, being on one occasion examined as a witness, was sover-cly nro'fro* gated by trio barrister, wo wisne-l to ’break down his evidence, “.von are in the negro minstrel business, I believe?” inquired the barrister. “Yes, sir," was tko prompt reply. “Is not that rattier a low calling?” demanded the barrister. “1 don’t know hut what It is. sir,” replied the minstrel, “bat it is so much better than my father’s that I am rasher pi't'Yt of it.” “ What was your father’s calling?” “Ido was a barrister," replied Clarke In a tone that put the court in a roar of laurater,--- 1 .

Different Views.

He—Weally, I carn’t see anythin" to larf at, you know. She—l can.—Club. lie Could Got Married. A young colored girl of Philadelphia thus told her grievance to the court the other day: “Mali name’sYirginyGeorgy Luzby, but I has hopes ob hit bein changed, an dat's wot I’ze hyar fo’ tor kick crbout.” “Never mind that," interrupted the magistrate, “go on with your story.” “Well,” continued the girl, “dis hyar niggah hcz bin a-kcepin oump’ny wif mo fo’ nigh outer six months, an he bin powerful sugary an lobin fo’ quite a spell. He’s a jnnitah in a skulo an kinder high inflooenced in grammah. Well, ho promised Co' ter marry mo jos’ cz soon ez ho could mTohd hit. Ho kin atfohd liit now, but he woan’.” “How do you know ho can afford to marry you?” asked the, judge. “How d’ I know! how d’ I know!” cried the girl. “Why, hit on’y locks 50 cents fur n license, an I seen him flashin a dolleh hirao night; dat’s how I know.” r'“ ■ ; Ho Caught On. They were riding out in the suburbs—he the bashful youth and she the £pr maiden who had been out riding before. She fidgeted awhile ami then said, “Oh, Charley, I’m so afraid I will fall out.” “No danger. The road is as level as u floor.” “That may bo, but I feel all the time just as though I would go overboard.” Then slio lot out a timid little scream, and ho grasped her firmly and said: “Don’t tumble. I’ll hold you.” “There,” she said, “you took a tumble at last, but I had to threaten to take ouo myself before you caught on.” And after that she was held as securely as though tied to tho seat with the hitching strap.- V. . “ A Great llccoid. ’ The late William Young Sellar, whose hooks on tho Latin poets are so widely known and so much valued, was professor at tho University of Edinburgh. He was much beloved by his pupils and had generally an exemplary patience With dullness and* stupidity. Wo are told, however, that one day tho perverse impenetrability of a blockhead was so intolerable that tho professor at last cried out: “Sir, in translating that passage you have made more mistakes than the words admit . .. * Doubtful, Mrs. Plankington (to visitor, Willie JjUimson, who has just eaten the last piece of pie)—Won’t yon have another piece, Willie? There’s plenty more in fee pantry? WilUe (doubtfully)-! don’t know. If Ithought that was so, I might. Mrs. Plankington—’Why, what do you mean? Don’t you believe what I tell you? WiUi&—Ma, told me not to.- v Ignorance Is Poverty, Tattered Tom—Well, I’m dummed! Bagged Robert—Wet’s ther matter? Ain’t them soup tickets good? Tattered Tom —I wislit I’d paid mors attention to me studies when I was young. ft Bouphouso, an th’ woman inside says them tickets calls fer soap. _ Much More. Lover—Give me your hand, dearest. Adorable Object (extending a hand of more than generous proportions)—You foolish boy. Lover (sotto voce) —I believe you. This is an instance where the supply more Jhftn equals the demand.- ~ Too Much. Doctor—Yes, madam, I think you are overworked. Patient—But do look at my tongue, doctor, and tell mo why it looks so badly. Doctor—Oh, that is also the result of overwork.- ~ A Miscalculation. Mother—Now, never let me catch you aifthe jam again. 'f Willie—l—l—tried not to let you catch We this time.—..N What It Was. “Soup, sir “Ib it compulsory?” “No, Bah consomme,” Harvard Lampoon.