BEATEN.

Manawatu Herald, 28 May 1904, Page 4

BEATEN.

A Teacher Who Wu an Eye Opener to the Whole Town. “Yon don’t want to brag too heavy •bout your muscles, my boys," said Uncle T.latm Todd to a group who were testing their strength in front of his store. “Y on can’t tell nothin ’bout what a man’s made of from his talk, no more’n ycr can tell from a catamount’s haowl how much damage he’ll do.” The boys did not gainsay the truth of this assertion, and the old man continued: “Now, Lem Cole, he was given to fchinMn uncommon high of Lem Cole’s Strength till he learned himself more thorough.” The boys dropped down upon the steps in happy expectancy, for they knew a story was coming. “There was a schoolmaster come here ft good spell hack to teach up there to that little red institntionpf learnin in the ..Ijallw. He were a mild, slim, hungry looldn chap, an when he landed off from the stagecoach Lem sighted him an decided ter ’tend the fall term. He ’lowed ter the boys he could pick up the master and snap him between his thumb an finger, same’s you would a little green snake in the spring. “Well, it come commencin day. an the teacher called ’em ter order an made a little gentle speech to ’em ’fore he begun. Then he up an asked Lem, bein he was the oldest an biggest, where they left off in figures in the spring. “Lem, he got up kinder slow an says, ‘Wo were arstudyin subtraction of frac tions, an our teacher, bein only jest a little, small part of a man, we subtracted him outen the winder. There was aught an one ter cany, an I guess we’ll go right on from there,’ an so sayin he np an picked up the schoolmaster an started fur the winder. “Now, the master hed college learnin, an he fit scientific, an ’foro Lem knowed it he was in the woodbox an the cover shot down. There was cracks enough ter keep *im from smotherin. an the teacher kep’ him there three hours. “After the scholars hed gone he opened the lid, an says he, ‘Are you sure ’twas subtraction?’ And Lem he answered up mighty perlite an says, ‘Come ter think It over, I guess ’twas partial payment, an you’ve begun all right.’ “An after that he were the stidiest boy in the whole school. He never boasted no more on himself, Lem didn’t, and that teacher he were jest a eyeopener ter the whole town.”—Youth’s Companion. A Mistake.

He Hade Allowance. A French journal reports the case of a ywan who entered a coffee house and sat flown near a customer who was reading the morning newspaper which belonged to the establishment. “After yon with the paper, if you please,” said the newcomer. The other man nodded assent and went on reading, but at the end of half an hour had hardly finished the first column. Just as the waiting customer was about making a second and perhaps impatient application he noticed that the reader had lost one of his organs of light. Hia resentment vanished. “Ah,” said he in a low voice, “I am not surprised. The poor man has only one eye and has to read everything twice over."—Exchange, Willing to Follow Advice. Uncle—When you find that you’ve made a mistake, start again right where you were before and try to do better. Nephew—Thank you, air. I’ve made the mistake of spending that S4OO you Ei mo two weeks ago. Please give me more, so I can start where I was be—Chicago News-Record, Laid Up. A—Do you know why Softleigh did not attend the lectures today? B.—Tea; he told me he had caught Mid yesterday looking at the Parthenon Irieae.—Harvard Lampoon. Truly a Modest Maid. I want no dnke nor honored owl, Ne brave and comely knight; 1 want a man who’ll tend the (tore, And the kitchen fires light. X want no daring warrior Before whose sword men fall; I want a timid little man Who'll answer to my call. I want no lordly banker With wealth on land and sea; I want a man whose hoardings phn.il in my keeping be. I want ne handsome, brilliant man Whoso glance the heart can hurt; I want a man so ugly That none will with him flirt I want a man of learning. Of the mental, vast and high; I want a man who knows and feels He knows much less than 1. -OQkftta&fe