Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Manawatu Herald, 14 April 1904, Page 4

?;<.t Bp to Date. S;;;*i*MSndy-, ” ealtl Farmer Covntossel, “the World , an wo o.'icr move with it. .■■But I’m ufdtml that out iu this part o’ the -Country we’re party nigh certain ter git loft-”. ■ ‘■‘Whiit’n the matter, Josiar?”. £(> : ’'"'Wre liviu on the slowest railroad on earth.” ?>; “Thct’s a fact.” §“T!io dock’s' nover less’n four hours slow.’’ “Never.” “Well, I’vo discovered thet it’s wuss’n thet. I looked at the thermometer, an thet’s three months behindhand at the lowest calculation. ” —Washington Star. Retaliation. M :■ He—You’re all alike—nothing but vanity. Why, you never saw a man powder and paint. Sho—But I’ve seen a man of 60 comb two or three hairs over his bald head and try to pass for !10.—Onco n Week. Breaking It Gently. Ho was digging rock iu a phosphate mine on tho Ten Milo hill, near Charleston, and I was assistant superintendent of tho place. One day after the hands had knocked off ho said to me: “Boss, is you know how fur rite one letter?” I assured him that my education had extended that far and asked to whom be wished to write. “To my bred dor, ’ ’ said he. “And whore is your brother?” “Ho am con do penitentiary. ’* “For what?” “Ho kill one man.” “Oh, he murdered some one?” "Ho ain’t murder no one. He slaughter ’em.” “Ah, manslaughter 1” “Bat’s do way. Will you please rite ono letter to ’em on ' arx how ho do? He name Gus Pritchard.” “How is that, when yew aro his brother, and your name is Robinson? “Oh, dot’s all right. Bcfo’ de wah nigger been hub only ouc name, same like de people ecu do Bible, on so doy tek clere massa name fur doro lass name.” “ Very well, I’ll write to inquire about Pritchard.” I wrote to tho superintendent of the penitentiary iu Columbia and was informed that Pritchard had been dead for several months.™, I did not like to toll the news in person To Robinson, so I asked George Washington to do so, and I endeavored to impress upon Gcorgo tho necessity of breaking tho nows gently. “Oh, I know wha’ you mean,” said Gcorgo, “I know. All right, sah.” On tho following day I asked George whether ho had broken the nows to Robinson, and ho replied; “Oh, yes, sah. I toll’em con do way wha’ you sny I muss. Fuss I say, ‘Sambo, enty you got ono breddor?’ En ho say, ‘Yes.' Don I say, ‘ Enty you breddor am een do penitentiary?’ En ho say, ‘Yes,’ again. Don I say, ‘Ho dead.’ ” “Good gracious, man! Do you call that breaking tho nows gently? What did Robinson say?” "Sambo say: 'Oh, don ho am dead! But wuffor you toll mo ’bout ’em oou sich a loun’about way?”—Now York Sun. A Good Deal of Inference, Tho other day a citizen called at the stamp window of tho postoffico and laid two pennies on the aholf. Tho clerk looked at him for ton seconds and then queried: “•Two ones?” "No, of course not 1 When a man lays down 3 cents, lie wants a 8 cent stamp, oi course.” “Not always.” “But that’s tho inference. After this when you seo two pennies down here you can infer that a 3 cent stamp is wanted. ” Next day tho same man called and put down a $lO bill, and before ho could speak tho dork shovod it back to him with the remark: “Tho government doesn’t issue any.” "Any what?” “Any thousand cent stamps. Sorry I can’t accommodate you.” “Who asked for n thousand cent stamp?” “You did. Whenever a man lays down a $lO bill, the inference is that he wants ono of those stamps, but, as Isold, they are not Issued.” Tho man picked up Ms bill and walked out with a red face, but five minute* later returned and dropped a cigar oa the ahelf and good naturedly queried: "And what do you infer from that?” ‘' Smoke-shake I’ ’ replied the clerk, and the two became friends.— Detroit Free Press. More Chance of Appreciation, 1 Mrs. Yan Riche—l’m determined that my daughter shall have a chance to show What she can do. I have arranged for her to sing before some opera singers, and afterward to road a paper on art before some " painters. Could I have her do more than that? Mr. Sinnic —Yes; have her deliver the lecture on art to tho opera singers and sing before tho painters.—Chicago Record. Bepartee. “You ought to bo ashamed of yourself, ” said tho feather logged hon to the game one. ‘ ‘ ThoAdea of you trying to crow. ’ ’ “Anyway,” retorted tho game hen, with a scornfurglanco at the other’s extremities, “anyway I have not begun wearing bloomers!”—lndianapolis Journal Generous to » Fault. “And what ore you going to give yoni little sister for a birthday present?” "I’m going to ask papa to get bora football, and then I’ll show her how to play.” —Ottawa Free Press? A Disappointment. Nodd—My wife felt terribly to think I played poker last night. Todd —Is that so? Why? Nodd—Sho losi a new bonnet.—Clothier’ ihd Furnisher. jh.:'.. ■ Wholesale. Applicant—How much for a marriage license? ; Clerk—One dollar for a single license; «S for a commutation license,—Detroit Tribune.