The Zulu Healer.

Manawatu Herald, 17 March 1904, Page 2

The Zulu Healer.

Yesterday’s Manawatu Times has the following Probably a _ greater number of people cleaned their teeth in Palmerston last night than at any other period in the history of the borough. To that extent the remainder of the populace is indebted to the Zulu Healer. The Z ; H. bears_ a resemblance to Joseph Chamberlain. He wears an eyeglass. He says he is an orator. Certainly he has a persuasive tongue. Last he gave a disquisition on teeth-cleaning. Then he experimented on the unclean tusks of a small boy. Behold what whiteness 1 Casually he announced that he had in hand about 500 boxes of tooth powder with tooth brushes thrown in. Impelled by the prospect a number of - yelloWfanged pipe suckers rushed pellmell for the platform and desired to buy. They were bunted back to their seats.' Then the band played, andsome light-footed persons in uniform with “Zulu Healer” on their _ bats sauntered forth and gathered in ad enormous number of shillings for quite a time. When business flagged,, and the band was beginning to ieel thirsty, the “ Z H.” assumed an air of disgust, and refused to sell any more-of the “ side line.” He called for cripples. Miscellaneous humanity rose in, Obedience and made for the platform. But though many were called, two only were chosen. One suffering from rheumatics in the shoulder was taken > out and rubbed in private with a green compound which looked like bottled fricasse of window blind. Hereturned subsequently with a rejuvenated expression, and swinging his arm a Is Warner, nominated himself to be a safe cure. The audience demonstrated; The “ Z.H.” offered him a bottle and a packet, and perscribed a private track performance. The patient mentioned money, but the Z.H. said he had “ tons of his own." The patient furtively tested his mint, and again predicted payment. He was smiled off the stage. Then somebody called Peter, with a rubicund smile, a grey eye, and a German accent, lifted up hiS ears to to}, treated for , deafness. Thd pounced upon him, poured his famous ? compote of window blind into the orifices and let the band play a hunting air during soak age. Presently Peter rose up and said he felt better - , and gave indication that an offer of refreshment within reasonable distance would not be misheard. He was asked to call round at the Club Hotel the following morning. A dissertation on indigestion, that tired feeling, and spots before the eyes followed, and then the Z.H. compounded a brownish mixture in a decanter and invited the audience ’ to partake. Several parched individuals j including a brace of Sahara-throated bandsmen and one or two people who j hadn’t obiously been trying to lower j Cavill’s record recently, emptied the 1 decanter, and one of them remembered | as a sort of casual reminiscence that j “it didn’t taste much like beer! ” The j Z.H. went on to mention (bat his Zulu j mixtures were sure specifics for I dyspepsia, sore feet, staggers, gout, tic ' dolaroo, locum tenens, encyclopedia I and a few other ills that flesh is heir 1 to, and succeeded in persuading the I audience into another ten guineas’ | worth. Then the band played and the ! people went home, reflecting possibly j on the aphorism of Carlyle that the I world contains so many millions of English-speaking people—mostly fools.