Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Manawatu Herald, 25 August 1898, Page 4

i BEATEN. & Teacher TVbo Was an Kye Opener to the :! Wholo Town. j; "You don'fc want to brag too heavy •bout your muscles, my boys," said Uncle Lisha Todd to a group who were testing their strength in front of his store. "You I can't toll notliin 'bout what a man's made i of from his talk, no more'n yer can tell from n catamount's haowl how much I! damage he'll do." The boys did not gainsay the truth of this assertion, and »:( the old man continued: i;| "Now, Lem Cole, he was given to •;, thinkvn uncommon high of Lem Cole's j j strength till he learned himself more H thorough." The boys dropped down I upon tho steps in happy expectancy, for j they knew a story was coming. | "There was a schoolmaster come here ■ | a good spell back to teach up there to K that little red institution of learnin in the t! holler. He were a mild, slim, hungry I lookin chap, an when he lauded off from I the stagecoach Lem sighted him an decided ter 'tend the fall term. He 'lowed ter the boys he could pick up the master !| and suap him between his thumb an i finger, same's you would a little green I-! Bnake in the spring. ; "Well, it come commencin day, an the teacher called 'em ter order an made a little gentle speech to 'em 'fore he begun. Then he up an asked Lem, bein he was the oldest an biggest, where they left off in figures in the spring. "Lem, he got up kinder slow an Bays, *We were a-studyin subtraction of fracI tions, an our teacher, bein only jest a | little, small part of a man, we subtracted him outen the winder. There was aught an one ter cany, an I guess we'll go right on from there,' an bo sayin he up an picked up the schoolmaster an started I fur the winder. "Xow, the master hed college learnin, an he fit scientific, an 'fore Lem knowed it he was in the woodbox an the cover Bhet down. There was cracks enough ter keep 'im from smotherin, an the teacher kep' him there three hours. "After the scholars hed gone he opened the lid, an says he, 'Are you sure 'twas subtraction?' And Lem he answered up mighty perlite an says, 'Come ter think it over, 1 guess 'twas partial payment, an you've begun all right.' "An after that he were the stidiestboy in the whole school. He never boasted no more on himself, Lem didn't, and that teacher he were jest a eyeopener ter the whole town." — Youth's Companion. A Mistake. H Reynard— That is a strange looking H bird, but I must fascinate it and get it Hfbr my lunch. !■ Escaped Parrot — What are you staring ■at me for? ! ! ! 1 1 !— * Sic Hj*im, Watchl Sic 'im! Sic 'im!— Life. BB' He Made Allowance. BB A French journal reports the case of a Hman who entered a coffee house and sat near a customer who was reading jHthe morning newspaper which belonged mmto the establishment. H "After you with the paper, if you Hplease," said the newcomer. H The other man nodded assent and ■Bwent on reading, but at the end of half jHan hour had hardly finished the first col' |Hmnn. Just as the waiting customer was Habout making a second and perhaps imHBpatient application he noticed that the had lost one of his organs of Height. His resentment vanished. ! H| "Ah," said he in a low voice, "I am Hkot surprised. The poor man has only eye and has to read everything jßtwice over." — Exchange. Hi Willing to Follow Adrlee. H| Uncle — When you find that you've a mistake, start again right where von were before and try to do better. Nephew — Thank you, sir. I've made mistake of spending that $400 you me two weeks ago. Please give me more, so I can start where I was bej^Vore. — Chicago News-Record. Hi. Laid Up. Hh A.— Do yon know why Softleigh did Hfliot attend the lectures today? I B. — Yes; he told me he had caught yesterday looking at the Parthenon — Harvard Lampoon. Truly a Modest Maid. j^HL' I want no duke nor honored e*il, pH| No brave and comely knight; HH I want a man who'll tend the start, Hfl And the kitchen fires light. HV 1 want no daring warrior Before whose sword men fall; HH I want a timid little man HH Who'll answer to my call. |^B i want no lordly banker With wealth on land and sea; HJT 1 want a man whose hoardings HH Shall in my keeping be. I want no handsome, brilliant ouui HHL Whose glance the heart can hurt; HP I want a, man bo ugly HH Tb at none will with him flirt. J want a man of learning, Ol' the mental, vast and high; HH J want a man who knows and feels HH He knows much less than I. HH. —Omaha Be*