Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Manawatu Herald, 28 June 1898, Page 4

Wfiat He Wao. George Clarke, tbe celebrated negro minstr ', being on one occasion examined as a witness, was severely interrogated by the barrister, who wished to brca:: down his evidence. "You aro in tho negro minstrel business, I believe?" inquired the barrister. "Yes, sir," was the prompt reply. "Is not that rather a low calling?" demanded the barrister. 'I don't know but what it ia, sir," replied the minstrel, "but it is so much betf ;r than my father's that I am rathex preset of it." "WJiat was j-our father's calling?" "L T e was a barrister," replied Clarke in a tone that put^ the court in a roar of laughter,-* "■ ~~ .. _ S "..• Different Views. He — Weally, I carn't see anything to laff at, you know. She^ — I can. — Club. He Could Get Married. A young colored girl of Philadelphia thus told her grievance to the court the other day: "Mah name's Virginy Gteorgy Luzby, but I has hopes ob hit bein changed, an dats wot I'ze hyar fo' ter kick erbout." "Never mind that," interrupted the magistrate, "go on with your story." "Well," continued the girl, "diß hyar niggah liez bin a-keepin oump'ny wif me fo' nigh onter sis months, an he bin powerful sugary an lobiu fo' quite a speli. He's a janitah in a skul© an kinder high inflooenced in graminah. Well, he promised fo' ter marry me jes' ez soon ez he could affohd hit. He kin affohd hit now, but he woan'." "How do you know he can afford to marry you?" asked the judge. "How d' I know! how d' I know!" cried tho girl. "Why, hit on'y tecks 50 cents fur v license, an I seen him flashin a dolIpll Mrse night; dats how I know." He Caught On. They were riding out in the suburbs — he the bashful youth and she the fair maiden who had been out riding before. Slio fidgeted awhile and then said, "Oh, Charley, Tux so afraid I will fall out." "Xo danger. The road is as level as a floor. " "That may be, but I feel all the time just as though I would go overboard." Then she let out a timid little scream, and lie grasped her firmly and said: "Don't tTimble. I'll hold you." "There," «he said, "you took a tumble at last, but I had to threaten to tako one myself before you caught on." And after that sho was held as securely as though tied to_tho seat with tho hitching strap.- "'" \. ~ " ; ' _ ■"■ A Great Recoid. The late 'William Young Sellar, whose books on tho Latin poets are go widely . known inidsomuch valued, wa3 professor at iii ; University of Edinburgh. He V.as much beloved by his pupils and ha.i generally an exemplary patience with fVallm'ss and stupidity. Wo ere told, however, that one day tho porvcrso impenetrability of a blockhead* was so intolerable that tho professor at Jast. cried out: "Sir, in translating that passage you have made more mistakes than the words admit of."-. 7^—-- -^-^I^l' l Doubtful. Mrs. Plankington (to visitor, Willie Slitnson, who has just eaten the last pieco of pie) — Won't you have another piece, Willie? There's plenty more in tho pantry? Willie (doubtfully)— l don't know. If I thought that was so, I might. Mrs. Plankington — Why, what do you mean? Don't you believe what I tell you? Willje-^W^ told me not to.- v Ignorance I» Poverty. Tattered Tom— Well, I'm dummed! Eagged Robert— Wots ther matter? Ain't them soup tickets good? Tattered Tom— l wisht I'd paid more attention to me studies when I was young. Here I've tramped 40 blocks to a aouphouae, an th' woman Jnside says them tickets calls fer soap. * Much More. Lover — Give me your hand, dearest. Adorable Object (extending a hand of move than generous proportions)— You foolish boy. Lover (sotto voce)— l believe you. Thig is an instance where the jupjply jnore than equals the demand.- , »" Too Much. Doctor— Yes, madam, I think you are overworked. Patient — But do look at my tongue, doctor, and tell me why it looks so badly. Doctor — Oh, that_is also the result of overwork. _^ " __j__ A Miscalculation. Mother — Now, never let me catch yon at the jam again. Willie--!— l— tried nottolet you catch me thi 3 time. — """"'" *~^ ~~ What It Wai. "Sonp, sir?" "U it compulsory?" "Np, Bah — consomme." •— Harvard Lampoon,