Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Manawatu Herald, 16 April 1898, Page 4

""" A Bad Cairn. Onco I was assistant to an elderly doctor; in Ontario, who also ran a drug store. He was as peppery as a cayenne pod, and from: timeto tiruo customers and patients sprang jokes on him just for the fun of hearing him blow off. On one occasion a weu| dressed young fellow called at the shop and asked the doctor to prescribe for^ breaking out and a rash on his left aim The d6ctor examined the limb and pronounced it to be a bad case, of psoriasis and eczema. U I suppose, doctor, you can euro it?" said the patient. "Why, certainly," replied the doctor. "How loag will it take to get well?" "Oh, I guess about two months," said 2he doctor. "Quite sure, sir— is it a bad case?" "Positively the worst I've seen." "Then I will leave it. with you and call j for It again when cured," solemnly said the j patient, slowly unfastening luf arm, which | was an artificial one and parted for the occasion.— Chemist and Druggist. " i Fains Taking* ! -Life. Burns Knew Better. It was the fato of a practical and patriotio Scotchman of Rochester to assist at a meeting of a certain improvement society, the while a Shakespearean scholar dilated upon the virtues of his favorite writer. At the close of the meeting the stranger approached the lecturer, and the following dialogue ensued: "Ye think a fine lot o' Shakespeare, doc* tor?" "I do, sir," was the emphatic reply. "An ye think he was xnair clever than Rabbi Burns?" "Why, there's no comparison between them." "Maybe no, but ye tell us the nicht it was Shakespeare who wrote 'Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.' Now, Rabbi would never hae written sic nonsense as that." "Nonsense, sir?" thundered the indignant doctor. "Aye, just nonsense. Rabbi would hae Kent fine that a king, or a queen either, disna ga _, to bed wi' the croon on their head. They hang it ower the back o' a I *— F?xchftnK A - Habit. "You have paid me nothing on account of my bill for six months," wrote a tailor to the editor of a suburban paper recently. "My capital," he continued, "does not admit of my giving such long credits. Kindly remit at once." Inclosed in the envelope was a duplicate copy of the bill long past due, which the editor, solely through the force of habit as he maintained, inscribed "respectfully declined," and then tossed it into the waste basket.— New York .Herald. Foreign Travel Improves. Successful Farmer — Son George got somd sense durin that foreign tour anyhow. Wife— l hain't seen it. "I have. You know he spent/3, good while in Lunnon, as ho calls it?" "Yes, an I'd like to know what good it did." "Use y'n eyes, Miranda. He learned to turn up hia pants w'en ib rains."— New Uork Weekly. A Considerate Debtor. . Collector— When are you going to pay this bill? I can't be coming here everyday in th^week. Debtor— Well, what day could yon coma on conveniently? "I could call on Saturday." ' "All right. From now on I shall expect you every Saturday."— Tsxas Sittings, . An Heirloom. i Imm|i Pi you believe Sprinkler's as* se^JjHi^^ae stylish umbrella he carries wjf yWMßj^^is great grandfather? MIQK'-m, yes; he says his grandfather pur* mrr stick in it, his father a new fate*, ap4 Sprinkler has had it covered.— dotfckr and Haberdasher. i ' i No Good. First Colored Gamester— l've got t*Me kings. Second Ditto— Dey's no good. "Watcher got?" "A razor."— Binghamton Leader. A Superior Scheme. : Mrs. Dontknc— Mrs. Muscavado employs none but elderly servants. Mrs. Knowitall— That is to give strangers the impression that they have been in the family for many years. — Truth. : The Ugly Hetresc Fortune Teller— Your husband will be a poor man. Inquirer— How can you tell that? Fortune Teller— Well, rich men don't marry for money. — Life. i Why She Objected. ; "Mrs. Binks is very bitter in her condemnation of poker, isn't Bhe?" said the caller, j "Yes," replied the hostess. "You know. Mr. Binks plays a wretched game." — Washington Star. I Information Wanted. ; Mrs. Gay— Mary, did I see you kissing my husband this morning? , Mary— At what time?— Boston Budget, j ————————— i ! His Share. ■ : Yes, this is her picture, drawn j By the sun's resistless flaslil ' Eyes of hazel like v fawn, i > Hidden by the drooping lash. • i Such a neck and shoulders too! : Ah, I thought you'd like her arms. ! Surely artist never drew j ! Any goddess with such charms! ! Flatters her? Oh, no, not much! j Her complexion's liko a peach, ; Anil her smile— that soulful touoh ! Which the lens could never reach. Lucky man? Well, maybe, sir. But this picture and one curl i Are all I have left of her, 1 1 For Jack Stockton got tho slrl( j