Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Manawatu Herald, 12 April 1898, Page 4

' Got It Mlxe'd. Ho had been riding on tho roar platform • of a Grand River avenue car for a mile or moro and seemed to bo studying tho conductor's face all tho tlmo. At length ha plucked up tho courage to say: "I don't know nothin 'bout 'lectric cars, and so am goin to ask. What docs it moan whon tho boys say, 'Shoot that hat!' " "I never heard of it in connection with an electric car," replied tho conductor. "Haven't, ohP Did you ever hear of a oar talkin through tho top of its hat?" : "Never." !. "Don't they over toll a 'lectrio car to L llioeso tho racket?" [ "Good lands, no!" "Aro there any flics on a 'leotrio corf" persisted the questioner. "There may bo, but I doubt it. I guess ', you've got things pretty badly mixed up. " "Yes, mobbo I hoy, ' ' replied the Btranger |" with a long drawn sigh, "and I guess the • best way will bo to catch a conductor off duty and git on to his shape and give him a powwow. Much obliged for your kindness. I'll cork my ear and dry up. " — Detroit; Free Press. I ' Accommodating. I Miss Redbud— Just think! Mr. Sand- ■ stone wants to make a philopena with me, ■ to bo paid for with kisses. ■ Castleton (eagerly) — Why don't you? ■ Miss Redbud— Would you? I Castleton — Certainly. I'll hold tho K stakes. — Brooklyn Life. H No Sinister MotlTe, ■ "Is this Mr. Heddineors?" ■ "Yes, sir." ■;'. "My name is Plunkett. lam acquaintm ed with a friend of yours in Philadelphia »j— Jacobson, in the commission business. ■: He told me" — K "Jacobson?" B "Yes ; he told me to tell you he was well. B Sent his regards." ■ "Did you say Jacobson? What's his first B name?" B "Henry W. I don't know what the W. B stands for. Perhaps you do. He said he Bjvas an old friend of yours." ■*""" "Oh, yes; I think I remember him nowl B. Been some years since I've seen him. One Bls apt to forget, you know. Is there anyfl thing I can do for you, Mr.— Mr."— H "Plunkett, sir — Plunkett. Your name, B I think, is Heddineers?" B "Yes, sir. Is there" — B . "No, sir; there isn't anything you can B. do for mo, Mr. Heddineers. I can attend B to kicking myself for calling. When I told B Jacobson tho other day I was coming out H this way, ho made mo promise to hunt H you up and shako hands with you. Said H you would be glad to sco me. I told him HJt was entirely out of my line to go around K bothering folks in this way, but he would Hnot listen to any objection. That's why I Bam here. I didn't come to stay. I'm not ■hunting for a job. I don't want to borrow money or sponge on you for a lunch. thanks, I don't earo about sitting ■ down. I carao hero to obligo Jacobson. ■I've given you his message, and I'll not ■occupy another minute of your valuable Mftimo. Go to thunder, sirt Good after- — Chicago Tribune. '■•■ An Objection. H--^'Yes," said Mrs. Hunnimune, "she like a very good naturcd and capaservant. But I couldn't keep her. " "Was tho work too hard for her?" "No; she said tho place was just to hor in most respects. There was only ono ■ "What was that?" H- "My clothes wouldn't fit hor."— -WaflhStar. Corrected* Mr. Emerson Hub (reading newspaper) The cashier made no bones of taking the sum. Mrs. Hub — How vulgarly put! Mr. Hub — How would you express it, ■Kny dear? Mrs. Hub — The cashier made no study Bn osteology of appropriating the financial — Minneapolis Journal. Too Much. Customer — These nails I bought here are in a terrible condition. Half them are rusty. Salesman (indignantly) — Well, what If ■■they are? You don't suppose we can manl■■jDure every pound we send out, do you? — BBBoston Post. Hfl Taking the Xiesser Evil. Moberly — You look pretty happy fora who's on his way to the dentist to two teeth extracted. Hansom (with great joy) — You see, if I go to the dentist's, I'd have to stay home to my wife's 5 o'clook tea. — Chl■■■lago Record. He Got It. Mrs. Magun — I came across one of your letters today,. George, where you said |^Bhat you would rather be in endless torme than be in bliss by yourself. Mr. Magun — WeU, my dear, I got my -London Tit-Bits. An Inference. "You have saved my daughter, at the of your own life, from a watery grave, man. May I infer from this that have the means to establish a houseof your own?" — Fliegende Blatter. Partial Intimacy. Caller — Arc you intimate with Mrs. ■■Blrstfloor? Mrs. Thirdfloor — Well — cr — our servant hang our clothes on the same roof.— |^Bew York Weekly. Ammnnltion. "Now, Charles, let us make a list of debts." 'Ono moment, dear uncle, till I have up your Inkstand. "—Fliegonde BlatUncomfortable. She— Am I your owny own? He — Er — vm — yes, of course. I wish wouldn't say owny. It sounds too like only. — Washington Star.