Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Manawatu Herald, 29 March 1898, Page 4

THE CHILDREN. Bright Sayings of Young America Gathered From Many Sources. LitUe Edith was heard coming from ths next room, when suddenly there was a noise of something let fall, probably her doll, her mother thomj'ib. Says mamma, "Did you drop something, Edith?" Edith— Only a footstep. — Boston Transcript. Lifctlo Frank had lon/? importuned his father to buy him a pony. At last papa said, "If I -were to get you a pony, Frank, you wouldn't know what to feed him." "Oh, yea, I would, papa," replied the boy. •*l'l feed him horso radish." — Pittsburg Chronicle. Many people who talk with simplicity »nd correctness become at once unnatural and awkward when they take up the pen. go it was with Johnny Bates. In the readIng lesson there was a reference to some one who had "contracted a cold," and the teacher called attention to the word "contracted." To "contract a cold," he explained, "meant nothing more than to catch a cold." That afternoon Johnny had to write a composition and like a sensible boy choso for his subject an account of a fishing excursion. On the whole it was a pretty creditable performance for a boy of Johnny's age, but the teacher was obliged to laugh when he came to this sentence, "I fished half an hour and contracted five perches and one hornpout. "—Youth's Companion. Harry— When I get to be a man, I'm go* ing to let my whiskers grow. • MammaWhy so, my boy? Harry — Then I won't have only a little bit of my face to wash.— Boston Courier. Little Boy— Mamma, I want a lot of soap and some warm water. Mamma— l'd ratb> er you wouldn't blow bubbles today. "I wants to wash my hands." "Ohl Why, of course, ray pet. You want your hands to be nice and clean, don't you, dear?" "Yes'm. We is goin to play theatricals, and Pin to dress up as a girl." — Good News?* Mamma (to Johnny who has fallen on the sidewalk) — There, Johnny, don't cry; be a little man. Johuuy— And say the things that pa does when anything hurts him? — I3oston Transcript. After the dinner at the cafe Robby noticed with bulging eyes the heaping pile of change which tho waiter brought back to his father. "Oh, papa!" he exclaimed. "Oh, pnpa, I'd likeaplateof thattool"— Tit-Bits. Expedient. The sailor's bride, with haggard, anxious face, gazed across the stormy sea. At her feet the breakers moaned upon the r»cky reef. "Bring him back, bring him back tome!" she wailed. The storm buffeted her, and the spray dashed over her. "How can I bring him back?" And the summer girl, who had chanced to wander near in her reefing jacket and high rubber boots, suggested: "Make him jealous of you." The wind rose and shrieked.— Detroit Tribune. At Five o'Clock Tea. '„ "That's ru uncommonly pretty girl over . there pouring tea." | ; "Yes; she is one of the reigning belles I;- this season." l v "Ah, these belles never reign but they I , pour. "—Life. ■ Surprising. 1 Yankee exaggeration is a trick that works B both ways. It is most amusing perhaps 1? when it takes the form of understatement. I An old lady was alone in a very old house ■ when the walls suddenly collapsed, and the m house came tumbling down around her. B Her escape was little short of a miracle, ■ but she was taken from the ruins entirely ■ uninjured. When asked what hersensa- ■ tions were when the house fell, she said: ■ "Well, to tell the truth, I was consider- ■ ably skeered— l reely was." — Youth's ComB panion. _______________ K Her Explanation. ■ Maggie had had the toothache for some B time, and the iodine which had been pre- ■ Bcribed proving ineffectual her mistress ■ procured another remedy at the drug store. k Thinking to impress her with the necessity B> of being careful in the use of it, she said: K "Now, Maggie, do you see the skull and H' crossbones on the label; just as they were B on the bottle of iodine? Do you know what B they mean?" "Yes, ma'am," replied MagH gie. "They mean that it's for the teeth."— ■'. Arkansaw Traveller. B An Escape. B "You say, Mr. Clerkers," said his emB ployer, "that you will be compelled to leave ■ town for a time. Have you any idea how B long you will be absent?" B "Well, not exactly," said Mr. Clerkers B absently. "But I'll be sure to be back B about the time Maria's got the moving all Bj done."— Chicago Record. Never Scold, H Mother— lt is time to make some inquiries H;about that young man who now calls to sco ■Clara. Bt Father — He has not been coming more a week. Mother— No matter. I heard Clara scoldlittle Johnny for peeking through keyGood News. Sorry He Spoke. Mr. Grumpps — What idiotic things they print on the women's page of this news* Mrs. Grumpps — Yes. I wish they would the fellow and put a woman in of it.— New York Weekly. Used to It. — It must be very hard for these poo* coming as strangers to live in a land. She (complacently)— But remember, dear, BBhey have always lived in foreign lands.— BJ Would Shine In Washington. "Mrs. Rexby isn't handsome when yon her closely, but at a -distance she looks she's a woman of magnificent d_BRances."— Chicago Tribune.