Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Manawatu Herald, 19 May 1896, Page 4

1-, -~_ I * Rtt*t!clty nnd IU DelJghti. I Raw Abigail (just imported from Waiv WlukHh'vo)— A gentleman wishes to see you, liiunj. Lady of the House— Did be give any name? Kiiw Abigail— No, mum. li.-.dy— Then say I'm not at home. Kaw AbiL\til (rehitiny her experiences to a feikr.v servant)— l ixpect 'c was a man for orders, as ; e pravy me a hit of rard, tt' : --'i I ton- "p. ttln!) V- wasn't l«;<.'V.i!J. li.i-,-, V- ul\ U-.:.k :-urprise(l"whi!n I told Mm mi.-.'.;v .; u;>-j j was to ssv.sbe was not at" "I)ravring (l»e Long Beau." Ho Remembered It. "Was tbei-o auy time In yonr life, IMr. Slamniaround,"' asked Miss Lilybiid in toii^s of tender sentiment, "when all tho ' world sof-racd ti drt>.uy waste to yo' 1 .: wlien yonr hestrt v.i'.a hungry and etarvin<?; all the sweet npriripes of yonr Jife were turned to bitioiTiess, and dcarh Kee:n«l tlie sweetest boon tho gods could offer you; when all ths Hjclit was dark and all friends seemed false?" ' "Indesd there was," said Slammarbund earnestly. "I can renrember ii a« tbouph it was yrsier;!;'. y. I wnss only I.'! years old at the (•;:;;• au;.l i was enucvinfetho miseries oi" my iii-t «i^:i:-."~l.(iii(iou Tit-i.'iiw. ■\'ery A pproaolml>le. Tapperton— l r.'ra jioing to cj-k Mr. Eulllon for his daughter's bund tonight, and I ' am so nervous I can't thiiik. Billington (who knows Mr. Bullion)— No use being nervous. Mr. Bullion is very approachable. "Kb? Won't he kick wo out?" ♦♦Not a bit of it. '♦Won't ho get mad:'.".. . "No, indeed/ ' . "I am overjoyed. What do you tfjtok bo Will dof" ■-'■■: "He'll laugh/ ' A Tsa«Vßrfealc. ' ' : "Bill," Bai(i.*Uo'i.vax>{«rJeditfl* to the nlvr reporter, "writhe .up. «t hat- suicide in stylo. How will you"op"fn the "account of hr "Why, I'll s*vy, 'This usually quiet" villagewas thrown into a fever of excitement yesterday' I "You will, c.h? You'd better go, young man. I don't want ;i reporter who speaks -of- «■ city where the real c: tati- transfer.! in a week amount to $~.W .'h 'a usually quiet village.' " *" Extra ruaishiuent. Governor of Jail (in a passion, to warder) — i say, Huber, the scoundrel has turned refractory once mom Put him on bread and water for two days a week, Warder — But, governor, he is already duiny a, cuupk' of faat dtiys. Governor— Then nive 1 1; fellow a ccckerv book tnreadon those days,- '" - — - An Oblivious Customer. Magistrate— Where « did you get., that Watch? ,:'.;v » '■*' : - • Frisouer— Eougbt it, your worship. t legist rate— Where? P: i.-icaer— ln the C(<mstra6ae. My..'.V.«tralo-Whßt did it cost? . Pr:-;c!H-i (af ut ?i: pause)— 'J?bn- my word. I forrjot.to ask. ■ . • 5- . .. . 5 Ought to Suit. Hotel Manager— You are looking for a Job, oh? Where were you last employed? Applicaut— At the diir.e museum. lam the india rubber mun. Hotel Manager— Bon't say. A'nd'ho'vr (Jo you expect we can make uae of you? Arjplicaut— As "bouncer," siri« t'.J^Li. ~.','.'— .. A Connnemlublo Amiiitlont Old Gentle tnnn— Wh;;t would you like To i be when you grow \ip? Boy— l'd likd Jo be a.brioklayov. "That's a commendable ambition. Why Would you like'to bo a bricklayer f" " 'Cause there's bo mauy days when bricklayers can't wo?k.'-' ' ■ A Slight Error. . Coykenclnll (who is engaged to one of the t Tremlow twins) — You do, look /alike, «nd , f some people can't tell you'&part, but I have [ no difficulty. Youiave a distingue' aii- that p Jessie lacks entirely. | The Odd Twin— Please, Jack, lam JesFully Qaftllfled For tho Task. "I see that Snaggs is preparing an article entitled 'Curiosities of Orthography.* Where did he obtain the mater s nl for such a papers'" "Why, wan, he has-been tbe employer of M?en typewriters."- ' ' ~ . ' Who It Xfw. . ' .-..'' Jinks— When burglar3^\!ere in your bouse the other night, did Mrs. Filkins look under the bed for a man? Filkins— Yea, and found one too* Jinks— One of the burglars? Filkins— No, me. . b. ■ •"" £ Not Sold. - .. ' ;. Dora— How do you like my new slippers? ■ Cora — Fine! I shall have to get a pair ] j Jlke them. Dora— l am afraid you are too late. When I got thesejyesterday, .there were no larger sizes left.' What Hurt. "I don't enjoy tbe roasting the critics gave me, of course," said ther aspiring tra* , gedian , looking sadly at a portrait pi him*. self in an illustrated paper, "but thisM&is is the unkindest oa%.<yj;c4J/.'« "~ : '- ' A Powerful 3lotlv£~ ; •:.» .- . •" Genevieve— Why don't you break off with him if you don't like him? . Iloi?alie— Because then l^at Odious Migs Wiilings would get him.' v v " A Bloasuro of Ecouoiny, "Wasn't Cholly's m^rriHge leather sud- " Yes, he found that a Ipfl^g^ejojgftjjpement . would break liim.". "■■•■••.•• Anpearanceg. "I'm not =uch a fool asl^jookl" *ai<JBoxues testily. v . * ' • '■.■ ' "Jfo?" wid Curtis. "What kind are yoaf " '■■■ ■■■■■■■ -x- .