Flotsam and Jetsam.

Manawatu Herald, 10 November 1892, Page 3

Flotsam and Jetsam.

—^rf. (B#|sJ£tuiti ) If I do not write to the paper about it, I must swear. But to swear is sinful. Shall I swear? Perish the thought. And yet it is such a hateful thing to write about. I trust neither the little " devil " who may carry this "copy" (poor little devil I) nor the cultivated young typesetter who will set it up may fall down in a fit. For this paragraph must be — my modest pen blushes at the word— about, regarding, concerning (Courage, my soul !) Stink. S k with a capital, good typesetter, if you please. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet," says the immortal bard. In the abstract and speaking generally the immortal bard may be correct. He mostly is. But that this Foxton thing would smell sweat under any name — Faugh ! Happy thought. I have just noticed in an American paper, and therefore it is presumably true, that the great American people are changing the ordinary use of many of our . English words, and this one amongst the rest. For example, an American young lady putting daintily to her hose some exquisite flower exclaims quite naturally and prettily, "Oh, what a lovely stink!" Meaning thereby what we understand by the word " perfume." Let me now adopt the American plan for this once and use the word " perfume " instead of the other (to us) unpleasant word. And give me a new paragraph. Summer ia upon us, hot enough to be delightful in the daytime, and pleasantly cool in the evening, with an occasional shower during the week, and the moonlight is beautiful. I am a " flax-hand," as the editor knows, and of a contented mind; but the society of my mates gets monotonous sometimes. " Come, Captain, let's go into the town." As we go, the air hanging over and around the mills by the river is pestilential.. That is a matter of course ; for hundreds of tons of "refuse" are rotting round every mill, and it is in the nature of putrefaction to pro duce stench— •" per/nine," I mean. " Never mind, Captain, when we get into the town, we'll be out of it." Which sounds Irish, although I am a Scotchman, of course. But as we j come within coo e-e of the boatshed, — rbless my soul, what is the meaning of this rnoie " perfume ?" Why, it is as bad as the mills, and in fact it j is only another mill with the usual quota of decaying vegetation lying ' about. " The boating fellows," ex- ! claims Captain, " are so used to | perfumes in their offices and shops I and stores and sheep-yards and j slaughter-houses, that if they had j to breathe the pure air of the river j all at once they feel they might die. , The sudden change to pure oxygen might poison them, so they have got a mill dumped down near their shed. See?" -'Quite so. But what of the bankers ? Their nir is very refined is it not ?" "Oh yes," says Captain ; " but the river is not exclusive enough for the bankers. They play Lawn Tennis." And he Biniled grimly in the moonlight. The fact is the bankers don't stand well in Captain's eyes just now. Some little time ago he wanted an advance or an overdraft or something. I know he sports sometimes a diamond ring worth every penny of £50. Perhaps they wouldn't advance as much as he wanted on it. But what has that to do with you or me ? They know their own business best. Typesetter another paragraph if you please. V fr *•• Then we walked our horses on, turning up the Main street. A dog had died during the week somewhere about the corner, and remained unburied. There was a perfume certainly about, but not worth mentioning. As we proceeded up the street, however, it became more serious, and by the time we reached the Family Hotel the atmosphere yjas simply appalling. There musj; fetye been a creek of liquid filth ok #main sewer uncovered or something not far off. Said I to Captain; " Cap tain, there is a bridge m froufc, shall we climb down off ouOTprsef, hitch them there, and lie awttn quietly, and die r " Not forMigfull," was his reply : " not we. JEivs go in to Border's, Border is ir ||jq4 fellow, he will revive us," up our horses, andjwerikJn, and were revived. When 111. a^eer to the tintinnabulation Oft the l&jpNMg Border himself courteously appeared 1 Captain said, "Mr border, ray. Mend is not very well. *He is not; accustomed to the richnesSLpi trie Foxton perfumes. He says irtP^eefs like a corpse, and thinks he needs a corpse-reviver. Be good enough to bring us a bucket of beer and a half-a pink of whisky hot." Which he was good enough to do, and we were speedily revived, and the refreshu ment disappeared— with the kindly help of a number of good faltovs in

"'" ' •' ' SM the adjoining room from which 'rap. feeea streaming, as he entered/ "in* sounds of revelry by digHt " adCoiH panied by much piano. (To bo continued.)