Page 4 Advertisements Column 5

Manawatu Herald, Volume III, Issue III, 10 September 1891, Page 4

FAMILY SECRETS. I " Pa wants a new strap for that bridle h« got here last week," said a small bo, to the harness man. " He hasn't wore that first one out, has ' he ?" inquired the dealer. "Yes." " What the mischiefhas he beendoing with it ? That strapought to last acouple of years." " It don't make no difference what he's been doin' with it," said the boy ; "he wants another strap, an' if you think I'm goin' to r giva away family secrets between pa and me, I you'ro mighty mistaken. •Gimnv* that strap, ] for pa said it wouldn't be healthy for me to 1 stay away all day." A SWEET, CONFIDING CREATURE. " George, dear," said a young wife, looking up from the paper she was reading, " I [ see that people are carrying chestnuts in I their pockets to cure rheumatism," " Yes, dearest." "Is it customary to carry things in the pockets to cure diseases ?" "It depends upon whether the' person afflicted is superstitious or not." " Because, when sewing on a button, it was your vest, I think, I discovered a quantity of cloves, coffee beans, and cardamom seeds in the pockets. Do you carry them j as a remedy ? Is there anything the matter with you, dear ?" "Ve — es, my dear," said George, stammering and turning as red as a boiled lobster, " I— I — the fact is, I— l— think I've got a little heart trouble." " Poor fellow," she said as the tears came to her eyes, " and you never told me a word about it." Selah! HE HAD A ROLL. Thomson (meeting Fangle at the top of Market Street) — " Hello, Fangle, you are just the man I want to see. Lend me £2 for a week or two ?" Fangle — "I'm very sorry, Thompson, but I haven't the money. But why don't you ask Cumso ? I saw him about a quarter of an hour ago, and he had a great roll of notes in his pocket. I think you'll find him in Mitchell's over there." Thomson — "All right! I'll tackle him." (Thomson hurries into the shop and proceeds to business.) Cumso — "Hello! Good morning, Thomson !" Thomson — " Good morning, Cumso. I want to borrow £2." Cumso (interrupting) — " Awfully sorry, old man, but " Thomson — " Oh, that won't do ! You've got lots of money about your clothes. Fangle told me that yon had a big bundle of notes in your pocket not twenty minutes ago." Cumso — " Well, it was very little in Fangle to give me away like that. 1 have a roll of bills, though. Here they are," (Produces roll.) " The tailor's bill is the smallest. It's £5 15s ; how will that suit ?" Thomson — "I'll thrash Fangle when I catch him." LOVELY WOMAN AT THE TELEPHONE. Opening the performance by trying to turn the call the wrong way, she proceeds — " Hello, hello, hello, Central — give me — oh, wait a minute; I've forgotten their telephone number. Dear, dear, where is that book ?" (Finds she has left it on the centre table, and after an ineffectual effort to reach it without dropping the ear piece, finally decides to hang the latter up again, which necessitates another calling up of Central when the proper number is found and duly committed to memory.) " Put me on t0 44. Yes, two fours. No, no, not two forty," (For herself.) " How stupid these girls are. Oh, I beg pardon. I iorgot you could hear." (Stands for two minutes with the phone to her ear, then calls out impatiently) — " Haven't you pot them yet ? If it takes all this time 1 might as well put on my things and go down to the shop myself." (Bell rings sharply overhead, causing her to give a frightened exclamation.) "Oh, I forgot they called you up again. Is this Lawn, Linen & Co. ? I want to know if you can match this ribbon" (takes a piece from her pocket) " with just the same shade of button. Oh, no, of course you can't see it. How stupid of me! Well, then let me think; there were several other things I wanted. It's so hard to collect your thoughts with . this buzzing in your ear. Oh, yes ; I want half a dozen pairs of socks, black, that don't shrink, now mind ; just let me see— oh, 1 mean the same as I got the last time for my son Theobald. Whoisit ? Why Theobald, T-h-e-o-bald — can't you hear me ?" (Shrieks louder.) "Theobald! What address? As if I hadn't dealt with your firm long enough for you to know that ! My husband's name? What on earth has that got to do with stockings for Theobald? My name ? Well, if ever I saw such— oh, yes, Ido see now. I keep forgetting. It's Mrs. Jessop, and next time I want to shop 1 won't go to all this bother." (Hangs the phone up spitefully and leaves the room, of course forgetting to give the signal that she has finished.) THE DIVER'S ARMAMENT. If any one has seen a diver in his submarine suit, bobbing up from the water with his glistening, immense, round copper helmet, with his square, clumsy, manfishlike canvas suit, usually stained by use, iron rust, and sea water to brownish, yellowish, grey something the colour of a devilfish, he may at first have been somewhat startled by the apparition. This being who thus rises from the sea is not a mischievous creature, but, on the contrary, a very useful member of society when his services are required and brought into requisition. A full description of his dress is something like this : From the helmet projects a coil of snake-like rubber hose, a sort of antenna, which passes down under his left arm and up through the water, connecting with an air-pump on a float stage or in a boat. The pump is manipulated by two men, and furnishes compressed air for breathing when under water, which exhausts into the. water by a valve in the helmet, enabling him to breathe continually fresh air ; while, when he comes to the surface, the windows of his helmet can be opened, and he can breathe without the assistance of the air-pump. When he goes down into the water he has two means of communicating with those above— the hose and the life line. By the latter he also descends and comes up when necessary. By each of these he gives and receives signals mutually understood, three sharp pulls on the life line indicating that he is ready to ascend. In order to overcome the natural buoyancy of his body and make the specific gravity such that he can walk about on the bottom of the sea, he wears shoes with soles heavily ballasted or weighted with Jead. The upper part of the body is protected, as is also his lower half, by a heavy canvas covering, consisting of jacket with sleeves and pantaloons, with terminations which fit closely with elastic bands clinging to his flesh, the jacket fitted closely to the helmet with metallic bands belted together, with a rubber gasket between. No water or air can get to him, except the latter by the hose, unless he opens the glass windows of his helmet, which he is not likely to do unless occasion requires. Additional weight is plaqed at his chest and back — sometimes a breast plate and a shoulder plate of lead, sometimes a belt heavily weighted, which enn be throsvn on or. off the shoulders and hung down in front and behind when in U8&