Madame Simple's Investment.

Manawatu Herald, Volume III, Issue III, 18 August 1891, Page 4

Madame Simple's Investment.

quite as well as. she did the routine of life fa town. Her husband, as usual, was obliged to conform. No sooner bad they reached their chateau than there was around of calls to make on all the neighbours to entreat them to come and augment by their presence tho pleasure they anticipated from their country residence. Nor must we omit to mention that similar invitations had been given to all their Paris acquaintances. In a very short timo the Chateau de la Jobardiero became the general rendezvous for girls lookfiiK ' bu'if T6rn'iis'ban9iJ, T Voting men sharp* set after well-portioned damsels, the mala and female relations of each ; with malt Ha* dihoti9 6rowd9 of parasites, who, with a very small income Of their oMn, manage to taste at other people's hotifts' »U the enjoyments which .wealth can furnish. • . is Now, in the midst of such a rabble dsjiiAa, let us just see what was the kind of'repose permitted to poor M. de SimplenVille de la Jobardiero. In the morning be had to gather and arrange bouquets for all the dowagers and old maids. When out for a walk the aforesaid ladies begged him to take charge of their hats and shawls, converting him into a species of' walking clothes-press. Hyery day he had regularly to travel, four of five leagues to inform a husband that he would haV6 id do without his wifeTfOr a week, to beg a mother's permission to rob her of her daughter, to &Ct thu sheriff's' officer, and apprehend and bring back, living or dead, the fashionable man of the neighbourhood, without whose presence every fishing-party would end without a bite, every picnic would be spoiled by a shower, every dinner would turn out as dull and silent as a ' funoral entertainment. It may, perhaps, very naturally be inquired whatthe servants were doing at the Chateau do la Jobardiere. Uut their number, though far tdd great in town, was utterly insufficient in the country. They had to wait upon twenty, thirty, and forty people at once. Every service, which . they were unable to perform fell to the lot of M. de Simplenville de la Jobardiere. He, consequently, was the head servant of, his own establishment, and by far the hardest worked of any.- Chance did sometimes leave him a few moments of liberty! which he was obliged ,to devote to keeping guard in the park, tho garden, or the orchard, in order to put a little restraint on his numerous visitors, who treated flower-beds, borders, and ripening frnlts With no more pity than a swarm of locusts. " What could I be thinking of, gracious goodness 1 when I put into thosfl hdrtid lotteries?" was the unceasing exclamation uttered from morning till night by M. de Simplenville de lajobardiere. One day— one fatal day— it rained. The company were assembled in the drawingroom, and were devising the meansof battling with the weariness which bad weather brings in country quarters. Some one proposed private theatricals. A shout of delight Welcomed the motion. The very next day they went to work. To M. de Simplenville de la Jobardiere, was assigned the task of erecting the theatre, planning the decorations, arranging the seats and the mode of lighting.' He had parts to copy in round-hand text, to save the eyesight of the various actors. He was chosen referee and umpire in the endless disputes which Thalia is sure to inspire in little theatres as well as in great ones. And besides that, he had to study a long, stupid part, which it Was unanimously decided he alone was capable of filling. It was too much I For some time past the measure bad been full ; nothing now could hinder the vossol from overflowing. In the middle of a dark night, during which he saw dancing before his eyes a medley oi bouquets, hats, .shawls, beacheg, side-scenes, and lamps, all performing a sort of witchlike jig, M. de Simplenville de la Jobardiere suddenly jumped out qf bed, stole out of the chateau with nothing on but his shirt and his cotton night-cap, crossed the park, made straight for the open country, with his arms folded, his head resting upon his breast, walking on with that solemn pace which budding tragedians delight to imitate. After devoting a considerable time to this gymnastic but unhealthy exercise, he reached the foot of a lofty mountain. Then he climbed from rock to rock, constantly maintaining the same pace and attitude. Arrived at the summit, he found himself on the edge of a precipice whosedepth it was impossible to fathom. He halted a moment, glanced a look of bitter scorn at the world behind him, and, with one loud, resounding yell, cast himself headlong into the abyss 1 XI. At eight o'-clook next morning the sunshine was playing on the; white- curtains of her bed, when Madame Simple sat up and looked about her. " Old ducky darling !" said she impatiently. Monsieur Simple stretched out first one arm and theb thefoiher; '■; * ■/■ >' " Wake .up, myi i.pet f make ' haste and wake, else we shall be too late to see the monkeys let put." . M. Simple rubbed his eyes, looked first at his wife, then at the bed, and then all around the chamber. Everything was' in its usual state.— the pair of turtles cooing in their cage, Pyrame grunting at his mistress' feet, and Minette stretched carelessly on the hearth. He then pronounced the voluptuous: "Ah !" which a man utters when he feels' bis bosom relieved of a -heavy load. M.' Simple discovered with joy that he had been the victim of a frightful nightmare! 11 Qh, yes, Goody !" he said, pausing in the operation of washing his face : " let us go and see . the monkeys : and • to-night we will play our game of piquet. Happiness lies in peace and contentment, and not in the plagues aud worries of \«ealth. Preserve me from such another dream 1" A VERY TIDY MAN. "Noodles is certainly the neatest fellow I ever knew about his personal habits," said Bulger in the railway compartment on the Underground Railway. "How so?" , One of the other men in the carriage put the query and Bulger replied :— " Well. I mean that Noodles is an orderly fellow in his ways. You know very few men; have any notion of putting things away. But he really has." " Such things as what ?" "Why, clothes. At all events I was thinking of them in particular. I've slept, in the same room with a good many fellows in my time, but of all of them Noodles is the most! careful man as to the manner in whiph he pat his things away when he goes, to bed " "Well, how does he do it?" ' ••Well, yda know the average man when he undresses walks round ' the room and throws his coat in one corner, his trousers in another, his necktie and collar in one 5 v\ hi ? W in . a n °'her Place, and soon, distributing his garments without regard to order But with Noodles it is different. He perambulates the bedroom as he disrobes llsOi but he. chucks his things in a pile all to the same spot. No matter where he takes off a garment he waits until he has ?ot round to the same corner again before he deposits it. That's what I cail neatness Don't you ?" **„ & " There was an annoying hitch in the jreat ocean scene in my play last night," a ;^ ÜB > Ptywtight. w»th a sad smile. When the herojumped off the raft to save ihe heroine he got off in the wrong place, md one of the waves kicked him in the itoniach. It seemed to knock all the sense out >f him, for he got up and walked ashore " " What did the heroine do ?•• " She sat on a wave and laughed."