Page 4 Advertisements Column 5

Manawatu Herald, Volume III, Issue III, 13 August 1891, Page 4

Madame Simple's Investment. » "Ah ! Our cook has — " " People who have a cook who has cooked for Milord Plumpudding ought not to dine : like everyday folks." "What a pity! I shonld have been very well satisfied with a hotch-potch." At the second course M. Simple opened his eyes in astonishment, and let his hands fall upon his lap in complete despair. " Take something, my dear ; help yourself to something!" said Madame Simple, ••> " Quite impossible, Goody! I have not room for a morsel more. I have already done honour to two dishes." " Our ordinary private little dinners will consist of six. . "We cannot have less now that we are worth—!' '• "Of course; six will be the number, my, love, since our position requires it ; but you will allow me to' observe that there is ho compulsion to eat.of every one of them." " That is to say,; you would cause : Milord Plumpudding's. cook the vexation. of supposing that his ragouts had failed, and that you are dissatisfied with his'exertions !" "Do you think it would have that effect .upon Milord Plumpudding's cook ?" '" Only put yourself in his place." "That is all I require," thought M. Simple. " 1 am sure he does not feel obliged totasie bf every mess he makes." .f - • During the night M. Simple, was exceed^ ingly unwell. " Whatever my wife may say," he muttered to himself, "hotch-potch would, not have disagreed with me in this way." V. " Dear ! did you observe how cert_in persons smiled yesterday when they heard our name mentioned ?" " I confess 1 paid no attention to them." " Even our very servants, whenever -they have to pronounce it, flndit difficult to keep a serious countenance." ■, " Our servants are— ridiculous servants then." " No, 'tis our name \ hat is ridiculous 1" "My father's name 1" "Your father had not sixty thousand francs a year." "He was honest gardener, glade, ougb to get six days' journey-work every week, at the handsome rate of three francs a day." "To be sure; to be sure I People.don't talk of those things except when they* are alone, and that as little as, possible, for-fear of contracting the habit of doing so. I said ! at the time that it was a matter c-i necessity for us to change our name." " Renounce my father's name!" cried M. Simple, crimson witb indignation. I " Pray, who asks you to renounce k ? ' Continue Simple as long as you like ; only be so in more fashionable style. Dolyou fancy, for instance, that it would be'aoy affront to your father's memory to have .as announced, when we enter a drawing-room, as Monsieur and Madame Simplencour ?" : " I should have no objection, my darling , diick ; but you have pitched uppn quite a grand alteration. If you had had the modesty to propose Simplenbourg, I might have said something to it !" v,^.^%'«"t. '/ Oh, no ! That sounds Gemd^ifigfJ. ij 1 am a Frenchwoman. France; for e«-t!''.l stick to Simplencour !" " And I to Simplenbourg !" The discussion was longi and ended .in a compromise. It was agreed ]^Jtiat{henc_* forth Monsieur and Madame S>mple|shOuld bear the name of Monsieur and Mai-ame*de Simplenville. VI. •• By Jove !" said M. de Simplenvilldjlo himself one day, "as my wife i i£%oßss < out alone this morning, I have a great toind'tp devote a couple of hours'to my friend Gounard,in. The dear fellow may very^tkely think that I scorn his acquaintance nbw;i£at I am become a millionaire. t I will pay^iira a visit to show him he is mistaken; andgunlj go in my carriage, to flatter. his vam&v&l remember that, when I was an herbahsgM was very proud of seeing a camage'swpS^ my door. Jacque!" 2'J'. i " Monsieur." * . - [ " Tell Jean I want the carriage." I " Impossible, Monsieur, Madame has takfth lhe culirhe, and it is Jean who drives bSs_l" " Then toll Pierre to let me have_the colip^ 'in half an liour." * „ ■ v^-. ' "Monsieur forgets that Saidee/was in I harness yesterday and caught cold, and that the veterinary surgeon forbid her going out ior a week." " Oh ! then I will make my call>on>foot." But, while proceeding on his way,' M. de Simplenville discovered that certain habits arc contracted with marvellous facility ; and lhat, in point of fact, to do without a' carriage is much easier fpr the man who has- no such conveyance in the world, than for hun who believes jje; lias two at bis service. 'While M. de Simplenville was amusing himself wiili this disconsolate reflection, a shower of mud from the wheels of a passing, caVbcht bespattered him from head to foot. '• Stupid ass !" he shouted, with' upraised car.c, to give the insolent driver a gooddtiibt bing; But he refrained from strikipg. He, recognised Jean upon the'box; and to spoil a livery that . had been paid for out of his ( own pocket,— M. de Simplenville was hi-, capable of such an action. " At least. Totsy," he said to^MadamedeSimplenville, who put her head out of fhe carriage-window, — "at le^st, open tbedoor and give me a lift' home." v "", " E .tremely sorry, my dear, to be obliged to refuse." - " But if I walk through the streets in. this stale, I shall soon have the rabble shouting . after me." " Bat you do not mean, I suppose, .to seat yourself inside & caliche lined with whiie satin, In such a condition as that ! Go, my dear, and dry yourself in the^ sunshine." /.. : : Jean touched his horses with his whip, and the carriage was off at full speed. M. de Simplenville contrived to get taken up 'in- a hackney cabriolet, which was not so nice about its lining. During his ride be had plenty of time to reflect on the pleasare of having a carriage of his own; * ■ VII. Dinner was over. M. de Simplenville was, delighted to be once more alone with his wife, as in old times, which had seldom been the case since he came to his fortune :.sohe said to her, rubbing his hands', <' Suppose we have a game of piquet,' darling dear.!' v 4 "You are crazy, my dear; this is operanight!" "Again?" " When people hire a quarter pf, a bojf by the year, and pay a couple of thousand frahes for it, they do not stbp at home to play piquet." -.^ "■^^^-Jfe " This, for instance, is one chapter pfj.oar budget which I should have great' pleasure in striking out with my pen." " A pretty idea 1" • " Certainly ; because I doa't like music," "And am I, particularly fond ofitT Monsieur?' " Well, what then ? " But I pretend to be fond of it. It is 006 of the exigencies of our position.'' :&'■&&' • . : M. d_ Simplenville resigned himself to his fate. During the first act he drummed with his' fingers upon his knees, and read the programme backwards. At the second act his head fell gently on his breast. At the' third he snored like a drummer after a long day's inarch. _ V "Wake up, dear I" exclaimed his wife, tapping bim. on the back /'This is the second time that the conductor has looked at us and frowned." "Tierce to the king!" answered 31 de Simplenville, witbout opening bis eyes. The unhappy man w& enjoying in imagination the pleasure which he was forbidden to taste in reality. (To be continued)'.