MADAME SIMPLE'S INVESTMENT.

Manawatu Herald, Volume III, Issue III, 11 August 1891, Page 4

MADAME SIMPLE'S INVESTMENT.

I. In 186— there were at Paris, as well at in the departments, a hundred lotteries foi charitable purposes. Monsieur and Madame Simple, retiree herbalists, enjoyed, on a third floor in thi Rue Chalot, about three thousand francs a year, of which they scarcely spent two-thirds They arose at nine, breakfasted, went to the Jaxdan de Plantes to look at the bears, the monkeys, and the two elephants ; returned to dinner at five, played a game at piquet, and went to bed when the drums beat the retreat. How was it possible for them to spend more? On Sundays they passed the day at Belleville, where they had hired 4 a square patch of garden, in the middle of which rose a sort of cabin, christened with the title of "country house." Their friends and messmates consisted of a pup-dog named Pyrame, who was Madame's spoilt child ; a cat called Minette, especially petted by Monsieur ; and a family of turtle-doves, a source to both of the most delightful recollections, particularly when the cock entertained the hen with his interminable series o f sal utations. In short, their life to them was a succession of cloudless days, varied every year with one or two important events, such as the happy hatching of a pair of little turtles, or the imprudent propensity which Minette manifested to hunt after noo tiirnal adventures in early spring. The Simples, therefore, were as nappy as it was possible for people co be, when Madame took it into her head to lay out the joint savings of her hushand and herself in the purchase of a ticket in each lottery. Madame Simple^ who was now and then tickled by dreams of luxury and grandeur, was not sorry to sow the seed of emotions in the somewhat too uniform furrow of her existence. I Madame Simple's hopes were not disap- [ pointed. Her husband announced to her > thirty-three times, that they had won the i principal prize in each lottery, thereby affording her thirty-three different emotions, which varied according to the importance of the sum, from trembling to convulsion, from exclamation to fainting. The result of the whole was, that the good works of Monsieur . and Madame Simple brought them in tba trifle of one million two hundred and fifty thousand francs. 11. The clock struck nine. M. Simple sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes. " Wake up, Goody !" " I am not asleep," replied Madame Simple with importance ; "I am reflecting." " Let us make haste and dress. We shall be too late to see the monkeys let out." " You well deserve the name which you have given' me. Monsieur Simple ! When people have sixty thousand francs a year, they do not amuse themselves with such nonsense as monkeys. We will go shopping this morning along the Boulevards, as far as the Madelaine. I must have a thousand francs' worth of lace." " To open a shop with, Goody dear ?" "To trim a satin mantelet, Monsieur Simple." " That will indeed be a fine mantelet then." " I mean we should have plenty of other smart things too. Do you fancy we are to live any longer in this stupid, humdrum way, in a sort of public barrack, where twenty lodgers elbow each other on the staircase?" " Nobody has ever elbowed me." " But that might happen. In short, I have long and maturely meditated upon our new position, as well as on the changes which it ought to cause in our existence. My plans are arranged." " But, Goody—" " I must remark, once for all, Monsieur, that there is nothing so vulgar as for married puople to call each other Goody, Totsy, duck, or — " •• By Jove ! Ido it out of affection." " But when people have sixty thousand francs a year, they show their affection in a wore genteel form of words." "Very likely, my honey: but habits to which one has been accustomed for thirty years are not shaken off in half an hour." " Certainly, you will not do it in a hurry, if you are as long about it as you are in dressing." " I am ready now, darling duck." "Make haste and gel your breakfast. I want to be oil." Madame Simple was an extremely expeditious person. Her plan was no sooner conceived than executed: and the happy couple were soon installed, as if by enchantment, in a grand hotel in the Chatissee d' Autin. Four servants, in splendid liveries, loitered about the door ; a caleche and a coupe stood in the coach -house ; and four magnificent horses pawed the floor of the stable M. Simple legarded all these fine things with an air of complete astonishment. He wandered from room to room, walked on the tips of his toes, us if he had been in a sick man's chamber. He wiped off with his sleeve any dust of snuff which he might happen to let fall upon ihe furniture ; and his wife had the greatest' possible difficulty in making him understand that he need not take oft, his liat when he spoke to his servants. 111. M. Simple wished to get up. Following the instructions his wile had given him, he pulled a bell-rope which hung at hjs bed's head. At the end of five miuuleshe repeated Ihe operation. After another five minutes, as nobody came, he pulled at the rope for a third time. At last Jacque, the vafet-de-chambre, showed himself, pulling as if he had put himself out of breath by coming in such, an extraordinary hurry; so that-M. Simple, instead of making any remarks about his negligence, internally pitied the fate of poor servants, who are compelled to throw themselves into a perspiration to satisfy the impatient demands of their masters. Jacque look a good quarter of an hour to collect and arrange the requisites for M. Simple's toilet. He employed a second in shaving him and brushing his hair, a third; iv pulling on his boots, a fourth in tying his,, cravat, and a fifth in assisting him With hte. waistcoat and coat. M. Simple had the pleasure of spending an hour and a half in an operation which formerly took him only twenty minutas to complete; But. in recompense for that, his pantaloons girded him so tightly that he could scarcely breathe : hit cravat made him feel as if he were in the pillory *, and his corns, imprisoned in tightfitting boots, gave him horrible pain. Nevertheless, on perceiving, unexpectedly, his own image reflected in a mirror, he had the selfcommand to subdue all outward indication of the tortures he suffered, and to make himself a respectful bow, believing the figure to be some stranger of distinction who had tome to visit him. • IV. Dinner-time arrived,, and M. Simple sat down to the table. . „ 11 Dear, dear ! what can thisbe, ducky ?" he said, as he tasted some soup which was perfectly unknown to him in regard to colour, laste, and smell. ] •' It is cray-fish soup, delicately seasoned." , " Delicately poisoned, you mean, my darl- • Ing. Now that we are rich, there is no reason why we should not have a hotch-potch every J day, with a chicken in it too, as good Henry IV. used to say." '• You deserve to have been born in those primitive times ! A hotch-potch ! The idea of requiring a cook, who has served in Milord Plumpudding's kitchen, to. make a hotch-potch 1" (To be continued).