Page 4 Advertisements Column 6

Manawatu Herald, Volume III, Issue III, 4 July 1891, Page 4

INCONSISTENCIES OF LANGUAGES. ; You can't weigh grams with a grammar, Nor sugar-cure hams with a hammer ; Set sums with a summer, Stew plums with a plumber, Nor shear an old ram with a rammer. THEY REMEMBERED HIM WELL, Twist : " I visited my native place last week. Thought I would show my old schoolfellows how prosperous I bad been since I had left my home." Turner : " Did they seem to appreciate your rise in the world ?" Twist : " Well, I should say so. Almost every man I met wanted to borrow a sovereign." GENERALLY FOUND in the CELLAR, i • The mam of the house was ! angry, and stepping in front of the gas 'meter, bill in hand, he shook his fist in its face and said : " I do not hesitate to say that you are the greatest liar this country has ever produced, barring none. You are steeped in villainy up to the very ears. You measure gas I You can no more measure gas than you can measure -the length, breadth, and depth of your own infemy-, which -ia-without limit land immeasurable. If I were so lost to all sense : of shame > as you are ( I Would go off somewhere and hide myself from 1 the light of day." '• : '■■ ' ■ ■■>■■■■■ .1 M Thegas ; meter replied :•• I feel that way myself, and that's the reason I am generally found in the cellar." SELF-DENIAL. The value of self-denial does not reside in itself as, an end, but only as a means to a higher state in "which it Is' no longer needed. i For. example, a greedy child needs' 'ckreful ! .training in habits requiring constant selfdenial ; but years pass; the habit of restraint is acquired, reason dominates; and in maturity he no longer 'finds the need of selfdeniaHn Ihis directionr fpr 'a-more intelligent self-lpve prefers the possession, of health to the indulgence of the palate. The right-doing that was once so painful has become j>leasant. So the child who selfishly, snatches the property" of his playmate presently learni pyf.teadhing experience' the higher enjoyment-of justice and sympathy, and vvjien.'he ia.a mtinitcpsts him no pain to refrain from snatching fiis neigh-, hour's purse, although his desire for n^Qney may be stronger than his childish desire for the coveted plaything. -i 'A CURIOUS PETfTIONy- ' ' Th£ following was found amongst the domestic p >pers in the State Paper Office, under the'year 1572' ! ' '■ > .''■■'•'. (U\ " Pe.tition.against.6eo, Gasooigne, Miy, 1572; "To ■the' Ri^ht Honnorable the Lord^s of • the Privie Cownsaile. . ' . ' " " Certaine objections 1 why GVorge Gascoigne oughte not; to.be admitted 1 jto ,be a burgesse of the' Parliament. ' ' : ' ': First,* he is indebted, to: a greate number, •of personnes, for the which cause he hathe absented himselfe from the citie, and hathe lurked at villages, neefeunto the same citie by a longe time, and nowe being returned for a burgesse of Midehurste, in the countie of Sussex,- doethe shewe his- L faceopeQliej in the despite of all his creditors! " Item— K(e is a' defamed person, and noted as well for manslaughter as for other greate rirymes. ;' • • ■'■■■' \ ■ } ' " Item-f-rje is^a comm9n / rym.e i r,>and a deviser of slaunderous pasquelles againste diverse personnes of great caHihg'.. ! i " Item — He is a notorious ruffianne, and especialle noted to be bpf h a spie, an atheist, . .and godlesse'personne. . . , ; " For the which causes he is not meete to be of jbe Cownsaile . ,of Highe, . Qourfe : of Parliament,!; ". ... ! REBUKING' A CONNOISSEUR. :HODSdN; the portrait painter; masteif of Sir Joshua,, was so. fortunate as to 1 obtain a fine impression of the very rare etching by Rembrandt, called " The Coach Landscape." On occasion of this acquisition he gave a 1 supper to his amateur friends, at which to lisplay his purchase. Benjamin Wilson, lis brother painter, who had a good judgment in this branch of art, and knew Hudson !iad very little, though- affecting great enthusiasm for it, amused himself at hie ixpense. He etched a plate in the style of Rembrandt, arid sent an impression to' Paris, circulating a report at home that there had been discovered in France a print by Rembrandt, hitherto unknown, and apparently a companion to "The Coach Landscape ;" • that money had been offered or it for the king's collection, but that the proprietor meant tp bring it to England .for, . sale. Hudson, therefore, to anticipate his Viends, hastened over to Paris, and bought he print. On his return, he collected all imateur friends in London to a second iiipper, given especially, for the purpose of eceiying , their congratulations,! which he ■ eceived , accordingly. Very shortly ' afterj his,- < the whole or the ! same party;, and ludson with them,' were invited to a'supper ;t \y.ilspn's., When all were , introduced to he supper table. . every- plate » was' found urned.dp\yn,.and on the,- guests lifting^ thejm, leliold,' urid'e'r every one an impressio'k'of he unhappy 'companion of' ''Thes Coach. f r^andscape." and under Hudson's, plate Jay •he money that he had paid to /Wilson's confederate in Paris for the purchase. ; CURIOUS ANECDOTES. . A p^Ars^NT onc^ presented himself ;at the thitd section, or secret ponce department'," jq St. Petersburg, and demanded a .hundred . rpubles as'tne '/prm ofii cirtalri xtommunicatipn. The money was. promised on condition that, the facts; wers.not^alreadyi knoytm ."to tne r , police. " When the peasant bad fihisbeWthe dgent-cklle'd Ws/secreiary 1 from . behind al screen, desiring him ' to brylg such 'and.sinchMa.dpcument and to read it aloud. It was the peasant's story, word foewprd. :"Well, I can't make that but," he, said, aghast, as he went but, • " for I invented , Btoty ■ myself." < The secretary had written ; behind the screen while the peasant spoke. A, story told of Bakkoush, in Tunis, was this: Many years" .ago one of the Bey's Ministers, in a thoughtless moment, promised him the Order of the Niscbaq. ' Upon going" 1 to claim it he was 1 - refused. Bakkoush 4 intU mated that he was willing, to accept the Order or a sum of money, but that, failing both, be, must ,cpnjplain to the Bey^ Eventually < his feelings were assuaged by- a handsome present. This is not so good as •• ; tKe^Gefrnan soldier who had distinguished himself during the war with France. He was offered the choice of the Iron Cross or : twenty-fiye 'thalers , ip money.. He asked the intrinsic, value pf the Iron Cross. They . told him about four thalers. ", Well," he . .said, "I tell you. what Twill do, I '^ilt take ; the Iron Cross, and twenty-one thalers. Leo tells a good story of the Tripolines' I i capacity for business Tripolis ; was surprised, by a "Genpwaies fleete. of twenty [ sailes, 'whereof the King of Fez, then Ruler of Tripoli, being advertised, gave tW Geno I - :' Wales 'fiftie: thousand ducates^ upon cohsideration that he might game the towne in peace. But the Genowaies having surrendered the towne, perceived after their departure that most part of the ducateg were counterfeit." .. These glorious days have passed: but Tripoli may ,take courage, she has children not unworthy of her traditions.— Rqe't " Country of the Moors." s The .neat future is always a long way off.