A Doctor's Diploma in Court.

Manawatu Herald, Volume III, Issue III, 19 August 1890, Page 2

A Doctor's Diploma in Court.

An American doctor named Royston had sued Peter Bennett for his bill, loug overdue, for attending the wife of the latter. Alexander H. Stephens was on the Bennett side, and Robert Toombes then in the United States Senate, was for the doctor. The doctor proved the nnmber of his visits their value according to local custom, and hi* own authority to do medical practice. Ms Stephen! told his client that the doctor had made out his case, and then was nothing wherewith to rebut or offset the claim, and the only thing left to do Avaa to pay it. " No " said Petor, " I hired you to speak in ray ease and now speak. 1 ' Mr Stephens told him there was nothing to say ; he had looked on to see that it was made out. and it was. Peter was obstinate, and at last Mr Stephens told Peter to make a speech him. self, if lie thought one could be made. " I will," said Peter, " if Bobby Toambl won't be too hard on me." Senator Toomba promised he would not and Peter began : — " Gentlemen of the jury, you find I is plain farmers, and if we don't itick to gether these ere lawyers and doctors will get advantage of us. I ain't no lawyer or doctor, and I ain't no objections to them in their proper place, but they ain't farmers, gent.emen of the Jury. Now this man Roystou was no doctor, and I went for him to come and (lector my wife's sore leg, and he came and put some salre on to it, and somp rags, but never did it a, bit of gool. Gentlemen of the jury I don't believe he is a doctor at all. There are doctors as is doctors, lino enough, but this raan don't earn his money ; and if you send for him as Mrs Sarah Atkinson did for a negro boy he just kills his patient and wants you to pay for it." " I don't," thundered the doctor. " Did you cure him ? " asked Peter with the slow nceonts of a judge with the black cap on. Tho doctor was silent and Peter proceeded : '• Ai I was saying gcntlnmcn of the jury nt f:ivmova, wlini we k«H our cotton, has £ol to jivo vally fnr f)>o money we aß k, and doctors ain't none to gor>d to be put to the same rule, and I don't believe this 'ere Sam Reyston is a doctor uohow."

i , . " Look at my diploma if you think I am no doctor." " His diploma ! " exclaimed the orator in great contempt. " Hia diploma! Gentlemen that is a big word for a printed sheepekin. and it don't make no doctor of the iirst sheep as first wore it ; nor does it of the man as now carries it ; a good newspaper ha» more in it, and I pint out to ye that he ain't no doctor at all." Th« doctor wa« now in a fury, and (creamed out, " ask my patients if I «m not a doctor." This seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back; for Peter replied witn a look and tone of unutterable sadnesi : •' That is a hard taying, gentlemen of the jnvy, and oae that requires men to die and to have th« powers as I hear tell ceased to be exercissd since th« Apostle*. Am I to go to ths lon«ly churchyard and rap on the silent tomb, and say to 'urn as is at last at rest from physic and doctor's kills, ' Git up h«re you, and state if you died a natural death, or was hurried up by Royston ' ? He says ask his patients, and, gentlemen of the jury, they art all dead ! Where is Mr? Beasly's man, Sam ? Go ask the worms in the graveyard, where he lies. Mr Peak's woman, Sarah, was attended by him, and her funeral was appointed. Where is Bill Mitchell ? Now in glory, expressing his opinion of Hoyston's doctoring. Where is that baby gal of Harry Stephens ? She is where doctors ceaie to trouble and infants are at rest. Gentlemen, he has eaten chicken enough at my house to pay for his salve. I found the rags, and I don't suppose he charges for making her worse." — Tit Bit*.