WIT AND HUMOR.

Manawatu Herald, 15 January 1889, Page 2

WIT AND HUMOR.

Dressmaker — ' There doesn' Been*, to be stuff enough here to make a train three yards long.' Society Belle — ' Dear me ! How much more is needed ?' ' About half a yard.' ' Well, take it off the neck.' ( And what do you expect to make of your son when he comes of age, Mr Smith?' 'Oh, I don't know,' replied Mr Smith, despondently ; ' I think he'd make a good husband for a rich girl.' — The reason why a pretty girl thinks it is such an easy thing to manage a husband is because she has always made all the experiments that she has ever tried with some other woman's husband. Smith (to Brown, who is late in getting home) — 'What have you got there, Brown ?" Brown — ' Thatsh new hat (hie) I'm' wife. I (hie) lef ' m' night-key at home, an' got t' have something t' (hie) open front door with.' An indignant parent in rebuking a refractory son, exclaimed: 'Remember who you are talking to, sir ! I'm your father!' To which the youth rejoined ; '0, come now, I hope you ain't going to blame me for that!' A Scot being shown Niagara was asked if he had ever seen ought so beautiful and strange. He replied : ' Weel, for bonny, I'll no say, but, eh mon, for queer, I ance saw a peacock wi' a wooden leg at Peebles.' Buyer — How much are {these trousers, Mr Solomons ? MxS. — Veil, mein freund, ye are just giyin' <3Lose pants avay. Buyer (effusively) — Thanks ! I'll take this pair. (Exit rapidly with trousers.) Robinson (at the club) — You '. are getting to be a great clubman, Brown. I see you are here every night now. Wife away? Brown — -No, she insisted upon it that I must buy a piano — and I did. . Postman (at the front dpor) — Madame, there is certainly a fire in your cellar.. Smoke is ■ pouring through the grating. Madam (frightenee) — Oh, dear! Fire! ijire! Oh, what shall I do? Have you any letters for me?