MISCELLANEOUS.

Marlborough Express, Volume III, Issue 138, 3 October 1868, Page 6

MISCELLANEOUS.

AVuat is a scriptural compositor? A “Job” printer. A poet intended to say, ‘ See the pale martyr in a sheet of fire.” instead of which the printer made him say, “ See the pale martyr with his shirt on fire.” Editorial Courtesies. —In a recent number of the Foxtown Fusilier appeared the following editorial note ; —“ Postscript, —We stop the press with pleasure to announce the decease of our contemporary, Mr.Snaggs, editor of the Foxtown Flash. He has now gone to another and better world. Persons who have taken the Flash will find the Fusilier a good paper.” An editor, with an eye to payment for what he sells, indulges in this little bit of philosophy:— “ Every man ought to pay his debts, if he can. Every man ought to get married, if he can. Every man should do his work to suit his customers, if he can. Every wife should sometimes hold her tongue, if she can. Every lawyer should occasionally tell the truth, if he can. Every man ought to mind his own business and let other people’s alone, if he can. Every man should take a newspaper and pay for it, anyhow,” •‘AMELIA, for thee—yes at thy command I’d tear this eternal firmanent into a thousand fragments—l’d gather the stars one by one as they tumbled from the regions of ethereal apace, and put them into my trousers pockets; I’d pluck the sun —that oriental god of day that traverses the blue arch ot heaven in such majestic splendour—l’d tear him from the sky, and quench his bright effulgence in the fountain of my eternal love for thee 1” Amelia: “ Don’t Henry, it would be so very dark.” Tall Stories. — A Yankee having told an Englishman that he shot, on one particular occasion, 999 snipe, his interlocutor asked him why he didn’t make it a thousand at once. “ No,” said he, “ not likely I'm going to tell a lie for one snipe.” Whereupon the Englishman, determined not to be outdone, began to tell a long story of a man having swum from Liverpool to Boston. “ Did you see him ?” asked the Yankee, suddenly ; “ did you see him yourself?” “ Why, yes of course I did ; I was coming across, and our vessel passed him a mile out of Boston harbor.” “Well, I’m glad you saw him, stranger, ’cos yer a witness that 1 did it. That was me.” New mode of Conversion. —The London papers of the 18th May have the following amusing paragraph : —“ In the House of Commons, on Monday, Mr. Taylor asked whether a prisoner in Mount] oy Prison was sentenced to the penal cell on refusing to declare his religion. The Earl of Mayo said that the governor inquired, in the usual manner, what was the religion of the convict, who stated that he was of no religion whatever, and that he never attended any place of worship. He added that he was a pagan —(a laugh)—and refused to be instructed in religion of any kind. The director, being a military man, ordered him to select his religion immediately. (Loud laughter.) The governor stated that he told the prisoner what was required of him, but he objected to go to any place of worship, as he did not believe in any religion. He was, therefore, put on penal diet for three days. (Much laughter.) Two days afterwards, namely, on the 4th of August, he was removed to the hospital, and after he left the hospital he was again placed on penal diet for three days—(Oh, oh!)—at the expiration of which time he selected the Roman Catholic religion. (Renewed laughter.)” The Gentleman. — He is above a mean thing. He cannot stoop to a mean fraud. He invades no secret in the keeping of another. He betrays no secrets confided to his own keeping. He never fetruts in borrowed plumage, He never takes selfish advantage of our mistakes. Ho uses no ignoble weapons in controversy. He never stabs in the dark. He is ashamed of inuendos. He is not one thing to the man’s face, and another behind his back. If by accident he comes in possession of his neighbour’s counsels, he passes upon them an act of instant oblivion.. He bears sealed packages without tampering with the wax. Papers not meant for his eyes, whether they flutieriff-his window or lie open before him in unguarded are sacred to him. He invades no privacy of others, however the sentry sleeps. Bolts and bars, locks- and keys, hedges and pickets, bonds and securities, notices to tresspassers, are none of them for him; ’ He rnay be trusted by himself out of sight, near the thinnest partition, anywhere. He buys no offices, he selfo. none, be intrigues for none. He would rather’ fair of rights than win them through dishonor. He will eat honest bread. He tramples on no sensitive feeling. Be -insults no man. If he have rebuke for another, he is straightforward, open, manly. In short, whatever he judges honorable, he practices towards every man.