FACTS AND FANCIES.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 7, Issue 413, 28 November 1884, Page 6

FACTS AND FANCIES.

PREPARATION. Parson's daughter (to squire's keeper) : •'' What are you doing with the pheasants, Muggles?" Keeper: '■ Well, miss, there's a lot o' city gents a comin' down with master to shoot on the first, so I'm a takin' a few o' their flight feathers out 1" CAUTIOUS PAT. A dying Irishman was asked by his confessor if he was prepared to renounce the devil and all his works. " Oh, your honour," said Pat, " don't ask me that ; I'm going into a strange country, and I don't want to make myself enemies." THE FORGE OF HABIT. A lady who was in the habit of spending much time in the society of her neighbours happened one day to be taken suddenly ill, and sent her husband in great haste for the physician. The husband ran a few yards, but soon returned, exclaiming, "My dear, where shall I find you when I get back ?" POETIC INSPIRATION. One of Tennyson's friends quoted one of Tennyson's lines in the poet's presence, as a happy instance of the natural expression of a spontaneous thought, whereupon the poet said, " I smoked a dozen cigars over the line." DAR WAS NO MUTUALITY. " Did you see dat hoss you was talking of buyinT' asked one Austin darkey of another. " Yes, I seed him." •' Did you buy de hoss ?" '•' No, I didn't buy him, bekase dar was no mutuality ?" " What do yer mean, niggah ?" " Dar was no mutuality, I seed enuff of de hoss, but de hoss didn't see enuff ob me. He was blind in one eye, Dar has to be more mutuality in the hoss trade." HE TOLD ME TO GO TO THE DEVIL. A provincial paper says a witness was asked by a county court judge recently — ] " Did you go to the paroy yourself I" Witness: ; "Yes sir." Judge: "And what did he say to you ?" Witness: He told me to go to the devil, sir." "And so," says the Judge, quietly taking a pinch of snuff, with a roguish smile, "you came to the county court !" Many a true word spoken in jest. I THE ORNAMENTAL V. THE USEFUL Servant : "I suppose I shall have to wait at table ?'' Lady : "0, no ! I want a housemaid." Servant, " I suppose, ma'am, I shall not have to make the bens?" Lady (Mirprised, but composedly): "Certainly not!" Fervant thinking the place,willj;uit): " And I suppose, ma'am, I shall not be expected to answer the door?" Lady :" Of course ,not ! The fact is. I want a servant to look at, and I don't think you will do." BUT TOMMY WAS SO SHY. A clergyman called on a poor parishioner, whom he found bitterly lamenting the loss of an only son, a boy of about four or five years old. In the hope of consoling the afflicted woman, he remarked to her that " one so young could not have'eomrnitted any grievous sin, and that no aoubt the child was gone to Heaven." " Ah, sir," replied the simplehearted creature, " but Tommy was so shy, and they are all strangers there."