AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

Mataura Ensign, Volume 7, Issue 380, 5 August 1884, Page 2

AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

By Cxclop. They say that Britishers dearly love alord. I rather doubt it. There are a few people in the slums, and some disciples of Mr Henry George out of the . slums, Avho don't love lord's a bib. At the Oamaru election Lord Ueidhaven and the " Lord " Mayor, as he was dubbed, were both opposing Mr Shrimski. That gentloman being met by a friend on the polling day and asked how he was, replied that he was well enougli to lick two lords yet. It is said, by-the-bye, that some of Lord Kcidhaven's former acquaintances put on an air of great servility and submission- when they met hini after his elevation. His lordship had the good sense to say — "Get out, you fool," to everyone who tried it on. The latest yarn about the Minister for Publio Works is that when •he saw an orange tree somewhere to the north of Auckland with about 100 dozen oranges on it, he exclaimed — "Why do we bother about cattle and sheep we oan grow trees like that ?'" J giye it'up. Why should we not plant a Garden of Eden here, repudiate the pubhe debt, and let every man sit under his own orange tree with no sheep or cattle to make him afraid ? Let Mr Mitchelson at onoe let a contract for planting all the railway reserves with orange trees. I'll guarantee some assistance in the fruit season, and no doubt the country will then be able to pull through, and Mr Mitphelson's ' memory will he kept green.

j Why do we bother with sheep and • pottle ? Why, iadeed I We grow

j mutton and send it away apparently for the sole purpose of raising tbe price of what we eat ourselves. So lar,/ the freezing business hasn't nearly 7s&}d for*? the outlay it lias caused and &&_;' come far short of justifying the _ sanguine expectations of the- first i I see "that the .Wellington -COiripanyi has actually ceased' refrigerating pjoca.*,se sheep aro too dear.' w4||re h% a kitten with a good i bit;' ., of m£at,. w.3-*? $&vo growled and^aterwaule'd^dver it till '4ll the cats iii v the blipclc .have come upon us. The South AmeHtfan^pattlc states are taking up the' idea and presently Aye will have to submif'to cheap meat again. -Let "*us* ther©fore» v groi*J'®^ few orange, trees apiece with a- hundred* dozen on each of * them, ahd be happy* forever. - - .-.-.-. -~~ AT-* The West Coast Preservation Act has m.^.0 •_ J, and. the Natives have . already gathered a£ Parihaka 1500 strong. Whether .anything more serious "wilL happen remains to be seen. No doubt most of those who have gone there since, the authority to disperse* them ceased; ■ Have taken their seed potatoes with them and will at once show by planting' operations that tl_€*y mean to stay. | The lapsing of the Act may be one of the consequences of the dissolution. But H is probable that the House would not have renewed tlie .law in any case., ..Certainly the ' sudden gathering of the ' hatives perfectly justifies, Mr Bryce's policy. T.-Hj-E have been two executions 'in the Colony lately, that of O'Donoghue; at c Greymouth." a#d*/rtliat of -Edwards at' Ormondville. In the former case the artist who was |to conduct the performance arrived ins rfapwia.' -sometime before the appointed day— so , „ as|to rehearse, I presume. He put \ip at the best hotels and claimed to be a towny of the Geiman host. He was supposed to be 'a distinguished stranger* and excited lots of curiosity. But what on earth could he, be going to the gaol on the sly for ! was it. a he, or was he a dynamiter, . or was he a great philanthrophist, a second John Howard P At least there was no doubt that he went to the gaol, and that he was well-known to thp; sergeant and the inspector. *' Och mein, Gott ! Iss id bossible 1 Oh der teu£el ! Hell and der schinder ! Mein hop.pe^ iss tegratet mit der zivil zervice," etc?, etc. .= ■'_*:_ At Ormondville the people were indignantatthe slight.put upon local, industry, No contract wasletjfdrjbuilding a scaffold. The member, had not done his duty ! A patent scaffold was^ iimporterd r froth Wjjel**? lington ! The local' papers" 'criticised tlie ' structure in witheri_tg' ' terms f 1 jt was " flimsy. ~ ■ .. and; -" umeo_nfo_*table,j'' r .anfL there were no side rail^ to|keep the''c__ief actor from falling I 'b'fE: Even" the -_t^*p.were steep, and a temporary batten] served* as a handrail. I presume they wanted, a • permanent structure at Ormondville, and a " Comfortable" o^ aj; i/liaM '^uiitwas*' durable enough apparently. The following from Hamlet is apropos : — lst Clown : What is; __c that bu^^S|,|troh^e? f t;han. either the mason, the" shipwright i Or the *! carpenter ? 2nd Clown : The gallows > maker, for that frame /outlives ffl thousand tenants. ...nm- <- • / ■ i lam a" little tickled '-it the idea >! of a •' patent " -gallows. Will the inventor sell many* and- find ilfyis. notion greaily jin demand. How many firms in this! country keep a private gallows ? , j 'Nature evidently 'intehded Dunedin- |to* be well painted. A street, cu^ing'-ha--laid bare scores of tons of first-class^ hematite, worth 80s per' cwt. raw.! The Dunedin ,porporatiqn will in futurfe want a substantial sum to_* the privilege of excavating the break-neck streets. ' V ! ! .•*.'.; '/ -=.'. • ;-.• ,1 1 •;■>•; '.\"\ 7 "{■'-. It is evident that the bad example of ourrepresentatives in voting themselves L2lO each for a pleasure trip is contagious. The trustees ,of the %jnous*Costley estate' have applied for five per cent, or .LSOOO, out of the sum entrusted to. them v for charity. The judge has taken time to consider. I hope I'll be a trustee of the next big charity. "Remember the poor, that's the clergy, you ?know," said the priest. The new version is to be " Remember the poor, that's the trustees, you know." * : */ Some time ago an American citizen, Jim Xeene, took a horse over toJEngiand and won the Ascot Cup, valued at .LSOOoThe onlimited side of the Atlantic rejoiced, but fenforces |the duty of -45 per cent on the cup as being of British mai^u- ; f acture ! Jim thinks L24po rather stiff after the glory he won tor tho chief nation of the planet and will hs*,ve the ! cup sent back to England. That ; is pro-: tec tion gone mad^ as only a small part of the value is in the manufacture. And besides what protection do American Ascot Cup makers heed P *> We have just imported two American articles duty free. One of them is Creiald Massey, a poet,lecturer aiid abolisher of God. The inviting title of his . chief lecturers "Why. doesn't God kill the Devil P" Give it/upP 'Cos 4 he doesn't want Gerald to be an orphan. * .."■-■• .1 The other commodity, is General Sheridan. Was it not he , who fearing; that a certain fort was about to yield; to the Confederates, painted upon a huge tarpaulin which he had hoisted' the i words, " Hold the.iort ; I am ;Shebi;. da^ !" Poor jceggar, he little thought he was making a \ky_nn. I'm sorry the Invprcargill tramway doesn't pay. That throws cojd water on 1 the project I had .conceived: Jof advocat-i ing and promoting' a tramway in Gore up to my quarter-acre lot. ' That. Highland lawsuit held the bthei* day in Inveicargill in which' neither of the parties "Jcould speak English would have been very interesting to some of your correspondents. I wish;l had been there to hear thpni swear. I find that X have been swearing, all my life if not in G-elic yet in old Keltic I never venture on a stronger oath than " Dear '! , or j" O dear V I have often wandered how i such a stupid exclamation Originated. I I now find that it desceuds from " pia mi" (dee-a mcc) meaning " God my " or "My God !" Similarly '.Oh.dear * is "Oh dia" Oh God. Jingo also is Keltic jidn, vengeance, and G-baih (pfohodnced go) blast' or breath. When therefore you, Sir, swear " By Jingo " you swear "by the blast of vengeance," which is, *I submit,' strong, not to say threatening, jarignage.