MR COWANT'S COCLAVE.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 7, Issue 372, 8 July 1884, Page 3

MR COWANT'S COCLAVE.

The following graphic account of a j committee meeting held anterior to Mr Cowan's meeting is not by our special j reporter :— JPresent—Jamie (in the chair), Mr Bottle, and the fur-mtrchant, not to speak of the candidate, vrho was "all there." The Chairman— Weel, freens, ye a' ten whut ire're here fur. We'll need tae be awfu quate, or that d : d little reporter (Lord forgive me) '11 be polcen his nose in. iTist keek ben, Mr Snob— I beg yer pardon, Mr Bottle— and see if he's aboot. Mr Bottle" keeks ben " — Noa,. ho aint nowheres about Jamie. The Chairman— Weel. we'll jist inaugurate these proceedings wi' a bit sang o' ma am composeeshun. Ye ken we maunna hae a. drap o' whusky, as obr freen Mr Cowan daurna shoot, it wud be bribery and corruption, forbye bein' awfudear. Noo, Mr Cowan, •as you are the auldest. and I ken yer wirinin' ways wi' the lasses. I think 'at ye ought tae gie us a Jilt.., Jiiero's the Bang, ye can fit a tune till it yersel. The candidate sings — Losh me, but i hings are altered noo, An' nearly past my comprehension, I scarcely ken what way to do t In this poleetical contention. ■ The cherished views I had lang syne Have lang syne clear been superseded, An' whaur I am to git some mair Jist tell me, for I'm sure 1 need it. Ye ken I've got to speak the nicht And gie ma views tae the electors, Eut'what to say or what to flight, Wad puzzle clean a, free, selector. The Fur Merchant — " Ongkore." Mr Bottljß— ''Ongkore." . . i The Chairman* 1 severely— Noo, gentle- | men, nane o' that. Ye ken we must-keeipJ quate. The Fur Merchant — But Jlsay ; .;" -ong^ kore." I aint goin' to be sat on. Very FUBl&miit.^. <H^/. I.V]:-.. Mr Bottle^— Neither fin 1,. Peg. away, Mr H e, give Him something humorous in your own line' The, Chairman— Yes, but lit us get on ■wi' oor business an' then ye can sing an' get as fu as ye like. The Fur Merchant — But I say I shall sing, and what's more I'll dance too if Hike. The Candidate — For goodness sake let Mm ' sing. "There is no 7 other way of - keeping him quiet. ;. „ Song with breakdown — No I tell you what I think; And perhaps you'd think it funny ; I think politics a sham 'Cause I believe in bunny. But if we've got to rote, The re.-il man for my money, Is our candidate to-night, . ... 'Cause he believes jn bunnyii.. He's big. on, frozen meat, • 7 , *• . AWd therefdrejust our sonny, ] And° he's sure to 'get a seat v ' ' 'Cause he believes in,bunny. Grand walk round, amid great excite-ment-andifur. flying. ; \\'__ Mr Bottle — Now I call that e'er song •lap up. I know Mr Cowan beneres in tunny, but I want to know his opinion on taxes. Now the only tax I care about is lasting tacks. The, Chairman underwent the usual surgical operation before he could see the joke. In about half an hour a smile was j seen dimly dawning on his saturnine countenance,- : and ; after . order was restored the meeting; again proceeded to business. The Chairman — Weel, we must see that's to be din the nicht. I think I'll tak the chair mysel. and ye twa ran propose and second the vote o' confidence, xe'll hae tae learn yer pairt weel before ye start, aud see and no forget it. But onyway, if that blethering buster does pit doon what ye say it'll be easy tae ca' ft a leear. Noo mind yell no say onything detrimental tae our frien' here. We'll jist let that flic stick i' the wa'. Yo'li be share and dunt the flare weel wi' your feet at the richt time. If ye hurt yer bits, Mr Bottle here 11 nae doot pit a few sparables intil them for naetliing, as its a glide cause. Noo that's a' arranged. Oor frien, Mr Cowan, here '11 no likely to say muckle. 'Deed tween oorsells he has'na muckle for to say. But ony screed '11 dae for Gore. Noo, lads, I think as we hanna an election every day we'll hae a shillin in. We must gie Donal a turn for spittin this way on tho carpet. Here, Donal (knocks) bring in the banes. They put in their stakes, but the candidate has to borrow threepence from the Chairman who takes his J.O.TT. for it. The Chairman wins it with eighteen. The whiskeys are discussed and the proceedings come to a conclusion with the following chorus. THE CHAIRMAN : Wha' the deil are we seekin' for a king, But a Southland frozen meat lairdie.. When we gae'd ower to bring him hame, He was delvin' in his kail yairdie ; \ Be was; sheughin' kail and layin' leeks Without the hose and but the breeks, And up his scanty duds he cleeks This Southland frozen meat lairdie. Chorus. THE FUB MERCHANT. I'm ower young, I'm ower young, I'm ower young for Parliament, I am sac. young twad be a shame » "J-o.take me from my Bunny yet. I am the bunny's only friend Nor of their skins I'm weary yet, I And 1 maun hae ye ken my lads j That ye for me must tarry yet. Chorus, etc. MB B»TTLH : . We're bound to win when we go in, Tommy Dodd ', Our candidate is bound to win, Tommy Dodd ! The landlord here interposed and said the policeman was outside, and they must^ "be quiet. The Chairman — A' richt, Donal. We're just gaun to hae Mr Cowan's song, and then we're gaun tao the meetin'. For gude sake dinha tell that weo reporter what we're dam, or we'll nerer hear the end on't. Nod, Mr Cowan, let's hae that sang. THE CAKDIBATE : Patrick mind the baby, Patrick mind the child, • ' Tie it up in your overcoat, It's nearly going wild. Arrahd • Patsy, take the. baby,JTa justj take the child awhile ; He'll kick and bite and cry all ■'night, ■' • ■ • ■ „^ Oh J Patsy, take the child . . The meeting then adjourned ' sine die."