WIT AND HUMOR.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 6, Issue 353, 2 May 1884, Page 6

WIT AND HUMOR.

. Tne Angel . Doesn't Chew, y r ; - .. A preacher put ; Weit, MrH., was ft goed' Iman, but very rough in his Tfaya, and rely., much given to chewing : • tobacco! ''One /day he was riding . on ; horseback throufcn the ' country when there come..up aj^oweisr Utid- '■".' ing up to a cabin, he hasttty hitched Kft hone - and knocked at the door. ! A B&anilbqkiag old ' lady ' answered Ithe Mmiadw : " 9Phe preacher asked, for shelter ! r; l fi;, 1 f!(» . l "1 don't take in: strangers, j :..1 '.don/j^j know you," replied the old lady siup'icioiaily. i " But you know what the* Bible sayspßaid the preacher. "Be not forgetful iSeh^rtain ; strangers, for thereby some haTe* «nteriained angela unawares." . =rr ■■,raft- - , /'Tout needn't quote Bible,''/said i^e.»ld lady quickly ; "no Angel: would «ome, dbwi . from Hearan with a quid of ;i t6l*SidS- 5 iB bis, mouth as you hare."' ; > f .' •-• -^i / ( The door was shut, and the preacher, us- : hitched his horse and rode away inth« rain, ■ ±i*utikj JAfiß^/ -yfc •.■'■-.. r "Ticketis! tickets^lj'werethe^fii^wora'* ' that resounded through- the eoachi' s sSey 'fell '. \ upon the ear of the „ passenger who kad ea» , tered at the last station, an unihifeh^ Jhreird '= and «€edy-looking son of the oldeodi^liisfaab. ly. he fell to searching in ap. inside pocket ot his orercoat for the tranßp^mtion;''pai9poTt, ' and was earnestly engaged, ffl: tlajs] wfien the , conductor stopped at his side. ' < ; -The worked eagerly, the official waiting patiently; , but finally, the former strftightened^ap and said : *'A howl in me potchet, conductor : go long widger yer trainTan*'; bill " iSSSd tke thicket atime ye: cobm back."j A^-thS traii '' slackened speed at the next station the, conductor returned, when the, Inshmalifl^rhbsci - search for his, ticket had been, , fruit|l^B, W»,' narked : ■.••,' ' . "*V- ' • i ■■*•'"'-•'■' " Let me off here conductheF I did' v intend to go on to Teddy Hoot, but oih^ goim' ; back to get me ticket." j i:zu alii , u Ash« alighted on p the : platform i^A quaintance saluted him with* r , < • •„ I , "An' it's home ye tre^ Mike? TOI yez ( f stay orer Christmas ,?" . . t - "Indadelwill." ; ; r •'"'>«< A " How's worruk wid yee f" Ifuh "tm /* = f'Poorfpoor. ; If I haden ? t biniijcky. enongh .* ' to lose me thicket I shouldn't >T ■ X9%J*to at ' ~ -. „ -. ..... „ ... r y, „»»*.,f | ,- • .-■•■■ --.^: f/ v - ■ .up.- - :■- -7 The Boy Couldn't 'StiKftdttlt, '■ : ■* A boy about ISjeafs of' ag;e^l#at » ;: , doctor's office Sunday, afternoon And'T-aßked him. tp 7isit;the house in, a. prefess|pnjfl way, as.humo^erhadb^en^Bej.erelx'injateidi' TK«; ' doctor found the woman' . lying 'ona 'vlbunge, with a black ey«?/ a ; ; sniashe^ ; 00$ * f«eTdrals oontiisioiis on -thehead, and generally used ■up appearance, f, ia-, ■: - t ft4 hi mivfflfy •::-•%- • ."Whars did yo^M V he^ed.im^ ' •:. ; " st ""N^sir:"^;'-'.^ &M .&*&*&&.:■*; .^\; -. 1; "LookSJtome ks if^biSJhaU 4^^strnck\ ' u and; choked,' 1 fi l a % V/^-W ?o- iimti : ' > '- : " '■'" x „. 1 ' j i. n -, Lu.Ji '•" -: '. "HuBband,i suppose f?'*° V 9!it « ''Welll'he'ought'terife^nbf^t^iJrisbtt ' ie f or a jear,y continued^ thejdbeto^ttsfig found - x "Now. mam7 ttSTs dead meaft^lo let/ him ) n go;ori and'abusb pap *&& t*®Em A - (iop-; .- tor^-corheinheref'i' • u ■.-■'fWi%^-^m- } -yjc;-,.^' . d :i;Heo^ensd t^e^^r t bf^jb|dj^^«4idrithe ■ ,- $hys|ciaji mwith^c^^b,W>w,:- ffi found,^ i- .. t«ro more on scalp, a lacarated ear and w - * '^dw^henV skid thrfeaf S»#|»£ip'eMe>- : ." <! qniltila ™piiY.'fifoftld»7^ ifeirJJe*t©Bt^Bem^ " { ifnf^^np^aboaj^ «g^jnoij|h« a^d^:<j|-j>iii:^ K : ;, t^^big^e^em^rosf :^rv ' the joat'istop^d. »n<i & ,youngi V^tta&tere*/- '- t The^orce of habii^yras toa,:str6iiB ; 7 . : ; troiter.. f $^ r fnKg ii p 'gffltaiAiy/ftftiol'^^Baii 'itfri^^wm^iipjyq ' fi r t6n'e:t^ -'^mi- iUi^^^^ta.^-^^J-t r ■.} ■^ak^m>^at i ]MWfevjfoi|^^ift > ->,P:.^? : ' Pt r and the rest of :the ' : pa^se^ei^iWneflKth^ir:^ fhe ! wiridbwV''Thev J frr«n^i:feowe^^|tl^i ?" r= the m»t£eriby yactinff At»jseayfß4 "'^e^oe'wjffij"' '*■;■ f lestpred^ „.,; „.,/■»„ t )ir ti a'^.M^ ? )^^>:,V; v A servant girl in New. Haten stole tier misy tt^ri^ttii^JT&^^a^^^,^^ ; < taan that^Sh^sheeAhcosk'sk^eMh^^pllftrglif > ansh she shwash wosh •husha wt&h ishdb/ ahteesh fawshe sheeth— " r <v " Wajifr t^i^fli^a}^ „. an interpreter,' 1 interrupted tHe.poU^man,- ' '" thiaiiin^'Vhe' wozaan ;wa)i V^-S^TOji^WTedi-' . : Hungarian^but•:she=waBaa^^A^rn^.'and< si trhfeh her>teeth wewiin^ei^co^^ki'tke -v hfiad^pffliiin^ „■ ; u [ df ine#4%li%itho " "; !0 ■■''»■ : ■:Manas^ {f; . u W ; **' "^ ■ ' t T ' The' direbtorii 'of an'eweiy-'ei^tflMilfed: b'ank >. r ! 'had* engaged the semcear of fffriknlijwatch- v : 'man, who came well reconraand?dj^gt*did'not ' '■, ; , ( aeem to be oyer-experience^. /The chairman , therefore sent 'for Him & posthini UpSM;, a^d - began, •• James, this is your^fiiilt'fob^bf thi» kind, isn't ifrf— «« Yes, sir." <l.Your >duty must be to exercise; vigilancfei!' %s&£ "sir." '*.. Pp careful , how'. strangers ,flpprolaat /you. 1 ? .^iWll/sfr. 1 ? «iNo;i£r^ g erm4yß^lowed . to, enter 'the ' bank at » whatever." "'JSTb, sir.'.' " jjdad ths'ttteißJiger—^ ! i he is a good man, honest, reliable, as& trust- \ worthy ; But it, will be, your dutj^ to keet> .. your eyes on him." •' " But-, it wflpL bf to: watch two men' and the- tjanilW tlft sam« ■' time; sitf" '^Twb men^hd&rhwmhjtsu- , ■,j it .; was only^y yesterday; jAhat \ ,tKe> n^nagei .{ ,• called me in .for a. talk, and he saiiyau were. ? ' : I one of the best men,m London, bWil^ould 5 be just as weil to keep bbln^eston^yOTf, and ' let the directors know if ' '}%og#batißß& round- - ■ after ■hOura.^ii, -\y_ \ 0 & ! .}htTat^^j^ v r \;;.' ' '- ' ' used, to yisit.thejr parjahei.bj! w»jr«sf,ai»ply-' ing the Shorter OateQhigmWljffe^^kjrtfc' r ~ following happened >in> m^tmi^k t& ■ called Bankheadj, (now erased), neariStariiey. «- One Mrs Pearson; gyed m,.^h|^ sa^# place,/: b w V<>had.three joiw,|^dihi4:ftligaae mis.' : fortune to be ffbinewKftt deafi* Oae* Sandy ; a '^iY^ag^S^^^^^^^iOi'-'J" t TjeiicMrs Fears6n%>house%w^^it^^i^'ißiaae v .' r r known .that the! iminiBter iWfi^pOi Ci»teßhiae the ■■- villaggm Ik^rs 3^earBon s that '-dMsara 'Pear- 1 -^ son said ; to Saindyr T -")ii:an, 'BmlajjfjßhS:^^'' deaf, and. if tfiemuiistiir spe^rlijW^tninr vat,., V/ me, I?ll sit - close to* y6u,-' land :you!'t«will j^st ' : tellf ntd/(vb^<|^B^jß,v;^ib^ilJ^;^er?^ , village ga|;heredT^i,aijd|j;^ toly^^n\Mrifßd,-(', After the usuar preliminaries, : ttuS imestipnißi - commenced, 2ttbl ; ' ;• the minister. aski'U •? My.goodo woiia^, o£[<>^r^ many persons .are there in*' the godhead Ife;- . '•. What does he say, , 'Sandy'j^ Jk'ajWldng y^ ' how; maiiy ! Pearsons'sther^are in^BalSifea^^ v 'J? Deed, sir, there's : only Jfey jdnjiKris* nop^--^/" Peter,