AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

Mataura Ensign, Volume 6, Issue 336, 4 March 1884, Page 2

AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING

By Cyclop. Gordon "Pasha, is the hero of the hour. He is the on I)' star in a dark sky of reverses, and is therefore the observed of all observers. He was formerly Governor of the Soudan, or something of the sort, and in that capacity laid the foundation of his present popularity and influence. He has not re-established the slave trade, but only sanctioned domestic slavery. He has not said, " Go, hunt, catch, and " sell ;" but " You will not be compelled to emancipate the slaves you possess/ That is only saying that he does not in- - sist on the citizens of those parts being better than British colonists were fifty years ago, or are now for aught I know. But even if h$ had sanctioned the hunting and trading, he would have only been acting as a wise diplomatist who agrees to what he can't help. It is" all very ; ; well for fellows to boil over with indig- ' nation in English drawing-rooms — they * arc safe enough. A contemporary of mine has said that we are a great nation of prigs,, and are- 1 very fond of correcting other people's faults. We rave about slavery in the Soudan, and will pay no end of taxes to put it down.; but we won't put down drunkenness, which is a greater evil among ourselves. We go to war with a king who keeps a few of our people in. \ > more or less honorable bondage, but we allow our girls to be decoyed by hundreds every year into Continental brothels. This contemporary is a tittle hard on ns. We have corrected some of our faults, and slavery in particular. Let the. law I that makes any man free who treads on British ground be remembered, and let not the L 20,000,000 paid for the freedom of the slaves in the West Indies be for- .' gotten. _We are consistent. We correct a vice in ourselves - first, and then in others. That is taking the mote out of our own eye, etc., No doubt when we have made it impossible for a drunkard to stand on British ground we'll apply the same rule to the Soudan. Still there is some truth in my contemporary's direction. For instance, the clamor of the public compelled 'Gladstone' r'\ i to send troops from .Egypt to Souakim, with the idea of relieving • Tokar, then besieged. The Government is slow, and | Tokar falls before the relief has properly ! landed at Soiiakiiff. Tkis< is T announ6'ed(l as another nail in the Premier's coffin, and there is no end of high f alutin' about valuable lives that might have.; buejrg i saved, etc, . JNrow ? .look,pn the othejj pic-i jture. There are miles of 'rockeries in" | London and elsewhere — -" the 'dwellings r of the poor " -^- foul dens in which: .' scarcely the vermin can thrive. , These -r are packed with wretched beings whose ", f miserable and short existences ' "'serve ~ 1 "" mightily to bring down th« average of longevity. The cost' of a very! small: war->j would drain these slums and house the inhabitants in comfort. . it. is well known that thousands die every year 1 because this is not done. Yet when a bill is introduced to deal with; the ; matter, r the: jf same fellows who rave about the fall of Tokar get the measure postponed, fjom year to year. By this neglect several Tokars fall in London every year, but they put no nails in the coffins of English PremierjS. . — "WHATLisi Tokar and the SoudahiojuiLptO people say. Sir Samuel Baker, writing in the ' Contemporary Review,' thinks we ought to establish ourselves there, and make a railway from Souakim on the lied Sea to Khartoum on the \ miles. The country, he says, ,can, groAJt/ infinite wheat and cotton — enough r to render us independent bf America. r n The ' '' : people would do it if there was a mar* "■' ket. Bij.t at present there, is no. trans-:.,---port but camels. He argues that it would be safer to get" food from Souakim than. from America., the route horne 5 . "I being through a chain of British strongholds. When Sir Samuel's project is carried out, I will leave these parts- and start the Khartoum ' Ensign.' J3tTT that is enough about the Soudan, let ? * me draw nearer home. News from "Fiji says that the other day a boat with four menmit was -oapsiked* at-' leaQ <anti that after being eight hours in tho water the party got ashore. Their accident was witnessed from land and a boat put off to them to know what they would give to , - be rescued, They only valued 'ifteiir ' : lives at L 5, which the ljfe-hoat would not accept, and returned without them. Now the question with me is which party was most iv --' fault, and most ? If men only valued themselves at twentyfivc shillings a, piece, mighty Others not fairly think they . were n|'|f , Worth saving ? If men haggled about a" tjriile with death staring them in the' face' 1 might not others, conclude th.at they. were: > the meanest coons o,n the- fa,ce^ p£.,tsUe,, r -j— water, and that they wouldn't pay any* '. thing when they landed P If t^e drowning men were so honest that; they ' wouldn't promise mqre thp# they .coitf^i pay, might not otters think, they were safe for hea yen, anqj so let t&eni gpT ' Babmaijg-s arc to the fore, There is a great correspondence about them, in th.c. Dunedin papers, " Some writer" has re* fleeted on them and they remind him that they have brothers and other fellows wh» will defend them. They certainly seem to have other fellows, whether they have the brothers or not. ' 'A Han in a. good situation in. .Auckland , got JeUye ij;he other day to Visit WeilUng- '' ton. He kissed Jus wif e^and tliree bab'e^* and tore himself away. A few days after. he was arrested. at -the vßluff' on i^is-, Way to Melbourne with a "barmaid". ""'SnV^ apparently had no brother to look after the wife ana babies while she got away,\ so for lack of brother she couldjst> have the. other fellow. She was pne. p,f the few 'unfortunates'. ' Tti c hiisb'and! T and father was conveyed back to the bosoni of his family, singing "joyful, joyful will the meeting be." ; --..-: --'. : :i '"•,♦. Another, barmaid — poor thing — took a ,'strong dose, of "Jioygh on JJats " in a pet, not suspecting it would kill her. Thp .result wak th'at 1 the ' power 6f $Ue patent :wg,s verified, J think the owners ,of the stuff should erect a monument for her since she has been the means of advertising them tremendously. , ' : / - y I suggest to leaders of political parties'thaj; they lay in a stock of the stuff thaj; proVed xleath "to the poor, girl. ..Tjiejf always have the proper creature to acf;; minister it to, and it's potency is l now beyond djspiite", • A box .of it -^w^ifl^S adromisidi^d wouia saVe teas' <$i %ho# 9 sands to the treasury, volumes to f Hansard/ curses to a still greater record, and lots of trouble of different kinds' to barmaids. ■ -' '- • Kb Mackay is also getting advertised. : Kpart 'from his arrest and what 'f olio wed; ihehaS'sucbjeeded^in ;.gs£r) ting a letter into the ; Otago ±>aily Times* in which he proposes to, , lead a. body of tourist's up'Mo'unt Cook,' 'and- adas' ; that when on the top he would be happy to take their lives. It was cleverly . done and he'deserves £p succeed. .'

. .Speaking .of cheap advertising, let, mo comfort Mrl.S. Simson on the way in { *vHfich. he is being advertised. It's worth hundreds to the man with the best busi- ~ ness in Gore. Yet he "pretends not to see it, and says "Even the Matatjea Ensign is against me." Holloway once sent Dickens a cheque for LIOOO isldng him to put one line in one of his book s labout /the pills and ointment.! jlf MrJ. S. Simson would only send a chequefc— even for a less amount— to Cyclop he migtifr defy the " clique;" I HA"YE ho space in which io- vent my indignation- about: the ©vfaiTnyism verdict. I can only say the " G-reen without a conscience " has justified his soubriquet in ihy opinion. A very short note is also all I can give the Tasmanian cricketers.. They have played 1 eigltt matches, winning one.d rawing four, and losing three. Two of the draws, were certainties for them, -but still the record is not good. ,Yef ,1 believe they w^re^bfeaton as Napoleon was in 'Russia', by the clim'ate-T-or rather the -weather^ The InvercargiU, men .made; .asses of themselves by playing eleven men, by making up that eleven mostly of their renowned selves, and by a miserable and unmanly pretence.,at..4rawing.a game that could easily have lieen finished. .#i.f.wi'.V.i !} _^_ • .•• / • The Rifle Championship is evidently to go to Wanganni this year. That place supplies the first four names on the list so far. luthe firsttwenty there are eight Wanganui men, :which is a little curious, I. take it. Times are particularly dull in. that sandy little town, and I suppose the male population have nothing better to do than to practice shooting. ■ The 'cuteness of commercial travellers is proverbial, but even that class get taken m sometimes. It . occurred thuswise. There were two travellers recently in Arrowtown, each of them being in the musical line, tuning and selling pianos, etc;, J arid vending music. , They were not personally acquainted, and one of them aesiring.tp get to get to Cromwell a day before' that of the tri-wcekly coach, thought it would be a good move to get a fellow passenger who would defray half tji(J%bM^6£:fe -ftuggy;" and- pair.' The conversation at the .dinner table was general, and in its course our friend announced his intention of going to Cromwell and said that he should not. mind "going halves " with , anyone , going that tray, thinking, clever man that he was, to get a' day's "start of : his unknown rival. A well-bred gentleman near him accepted the offer, and next , morning the pair started. Their conversation on the journey was mutually agreeable, and it was not till a few miles from their destination that it occurred to them to exchange cards. They then found much to their |tli atj; they were.* both unon, the Sftme^ errand— -inifact, -were both.in. the music line. It is Stated that the language of our enterprising friend was, although 'sotto voee/i more; :expres give ithan elegant. & qi^i|^\n]t^d|co.j^i9 dbps/nqt live nior.e than ten thousand miles from Mataura had a lively lamej the.- other evening at Edendale. Tlie trains were late and that fj;pni Invercargill, ha 4 discharged her goods' "aria passengers' arid' put "back 1 " into the siding below, and it was intimated that she would not stop at the platform •when proceeding on her journey. My Esculapianrfriend, however; did not ;hear th^-premomtofy-^aufioii, ~as he was' enfaged in " drawing a tooth " over at "ma ear.3." „rlj[earing r the train start .., he rushed" to the platform and endeavored to lay hold of the guard van. He did so, but did not keep hold" long, as the motion of the train swung him round and landed him, upon his succcdaneum. between the meta/ls j (! He' dioesri-'t thmt'he- will' attempt to get on a train in motion again — at all events, till he recovers his lost cuticle.