WIT AND HUMOR.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 6, Issue 309, 30 November 1883, Page 6

WIT AND HUMOR.

i .-. r Tke, Doctah, ••Who am. de , doctah ?" asked. Brother . . Gardner at the latt assembly, of the Limekiln Club,, as Samuel «hin finally got room „ . ; . f«r ; his fceb an-1 the meeting came to order. 1 In de fust place he am. a young m»ri who " ( - - t/ars up sidcwalks,lu g8 off gates,. takes, up two' ; seats in de street kyar, walks six abreast onse % ; sidewalk, cultivates slang an' am only Wo ! j p'irits removed from a loafer. He graduates. , v I He: has l'arued some Latin, pome surgery, and I what he doan' know 'jbout^ medicine 6e ai&£ „ i gwine to practice on. By au' by you h'ar ,of lini as a successful door ah. ' He has stuck __ his stakes an drawn his lines. -He has l'arned .r---dat castor ile am a gentle cathartic, au' he will purceed from dat to figger what, may be :.• good fur typhoid fevor. ! - : . > "i)edoctah am a man who puckers hto*n mouf an' shakes his head. He am wewy earful, "not to talk too much.- If one- of hi»v-V patients foun' dat aquagura meant -water de-. doctah would consider de case hopeles.4, -"•: What he lacks in knowledge he reckons- de family will make up in good nußsing.' 41 De doctah am a wise man.- If h'e-find»:de pulse up an' de,tongue coated he kaows d«r' , am a fever. If it shouldn't happen to be feyer de medicine would do jist de same good. „,. When he can't tell a case of measles fron^'a""' 'case of small pox he kills two birds wid oiie, Btpnejby pietcribing fur'deJattcr. : '- •If a.fam'ly doctah should sot down an. . tella 'patient dat he had bilious fever, an* dat he.was.givin' him sartin remedies' aa'.dat „ . he would be but in twelve or fourteen" days; ' d 0 patient would expire inside of two hour?. .. Dje ©illy safe way am to shake de head, scare de wife inter fits, au'" pronounce it a case o£ .*§ life an' death whar' de chill'cn mue' be "■ spanked and tied up, de doah-bell muffled * : an' all the relations telegraphed *jto. It's J only arter de patient am seem sawin' wood | de week arter dat he am told irhatacJus' M shave he hscl. : ' . ' H « " De doctah am a man who sticks. When M he gits hold of a casedar' am no let go onless 'he am pulled off. If he can't cure he ku* J|| 4 advise a trip to Mackinaw or Florada; an', if- <il|f de patient am oncivil. 'nuff for to die on hisf£|||| hands all odder doctahs am ready to testify^^ dat his life was presarved a hull y'ar'lon|jer; dan could have bin expected, De dpct&r *'* who would admit dat a case was too complicated fur him wou d be hustltd outer de ring :ih no time. ' . ' i£ ?. ' " De doctah am a great stickler fur de professional. 1 It ain't professional to advertwe dat he am a doctah. De public diub' take him for a Bank robber or a hoas^uckey an' j keep up de inquiry until it am ~ dat he am. a doctah. It ain't profcsfional fue-dil two doctahs t«- meet ober de aamo fur fear he will get well. It a'iav profeat||| sional for one doctah to admit dat anoder||fS has written ' morphine w"h»r' b« meant i&m quinine an' killed somebody. Eben when a *W coroner's jury/^ am sittin' on de body of a butchered; woman it ain't profession fur&.rei doctah to call it a case of abortion. Itisua' ?1 be his opinion dat de woman was run ober t| by a train of kyars. Nobody eber hare ob a " doctah makin' mistakes. De undertaker kivers 'ein up 'an'de fraternity take the wit* ues3 stand.'