HIS HOUSEHOLD DEPARTMENT.

Marlborough Daily Times, Volume II, Issue 166, 22 October 1880, Page 4

HIS HOUSEHOLD DEPARTMENT.

As wo have said before .somewhere, the enterprising editor who endeavors to run a- “Household Department” without the aid of a female wrifer will come to grief sooner on later. Oneday last week the proprietor of the Oloverdale “Cleanup” was .startled by a whole tornado of raps at his sanctum door, on the other side of which lie presently beheld a small mob of matrons of the vicinity, each of whom bore mi expression of indignant determination on her face, and a dish or pan under her arm. “Are you the—the—party who said in last week’s paper that salad dressing could be improved by an ounce of cayenne and some powdered borax? ” said one. “I—l—suppose so,” admitted the editor. “Oh! you are eh,” said the woman, displaying a sticky green compound.. “Well, perhaps you’d like to finish this lot. I’ve got four children home at the point of death from it now.” “And you are the miserable liar who stated that the only way to clean sealskin was to boil it in milk?” screamed another, holding up what appeared to be a drowned puppy. “Look at that.” “I—er—ahem—read— ” mumbled the wretched journalist, “The printer must have mixed it up with the broken china item.” “ And didn’t you print a recipe i saying that a few pinches of copperas |

gave a rich dark color to sponge cake? My husband lias been throwing up steadily since day before yesterday morning,” sobbed another, exhibiting what appeared to be a hunk of stone coat.

“ Yes,” put in another irate dame, holding up a tattered basque, “ and you said that vitriol would take ink stains out of velvet. You digusting ohl pirate ! ” “I—l—think it must be my assistant, Clipem,” stammered the editor, “ f don't think I wrote anything for that issue except a leader on our Accursed Monopolies.’ ” That’s too thin,” shrieked another devastated female, putting up a green veil and displaying a parboiled countenance. “Didn’t you advise me, down at the market yesterday, to cut out your infallable Oriental recipe for taking out freckles ? It took ’em out, and the skin with ’em; the doc tor says it is two to one if ever I see out of that o •■(> again. There ! \on re welcome to what’s left ! ’

And the half-scalped victim broke a bottle on his nose, while the rest hammered him over the head with assorted slabs of indigestion, built according to the “ Cleanup’s ” specifications; rammed unrisen dough into his mouth, and poured a coal tar, arsenic, and sulphur remedy for chicken pip down the hack of his neck.

When they were gone the moulder of public opinion picked himself up, bunted for the foreman’s mallet, smashed the stereotype “Household Hints ” into forty thousand hits, kicked the devil downstairs, and went out to trade a special notice on the first page for some Court plaster.—“ Derrick Dodd.”