HOW A MARRIED WOMAN GOES TO SLEEP.

Marlborough Daily Times, Volume II, Issue 146, 13 August 1880, Page 4

HOW A MARRIED WOMAN GOES TO SLEEP.

Thehe -is an ' article going the rounds entitled;“How Girls Go to, Sleep.” The -manner ill which they go to sleep according to the article can’t hold a candle to the way a married woman goes-to sleep. Instead of■ thinking of what she should have attended to before going to bed, she thinks of it afterwards. While she is revolving these ‘matters in her mind, and snugly tucked up in bed, the old man is .scratching hiadegs in front of the fire and wondering how he will pay the next month’s rent. . she says —James, did you lock the door l” « Which" do*r h” says James. “ The cellar door,” says she. “No,” says James, “ Well, you’d better go down and dockiitj. for I heard some one in the back yard last night.’’ Accordingly, James paddles down stairs and locks the door. About the time James returns and is going to;get into bed she remarks. “ Did i you shut the stair door 1 ” “No,” says James. “Well, if it is' hot shut' the catwill c6me into the! rbedrooim” ' “Xet' her poino. up, thhh'” : kys James ill-naturedly, f .‘, My goodnessf iio,”’ returns his wife, “ she would suck the. baby s breath! . Then James paddles down stairs again and steps oh a tack, and; closes: tlm stair door, ahd curses ’the cat, and, ret urnsto the bedroom. as he begins tp climb into his couch, hip,wife .observes Suppose, .you; bring f some in. the big tin.” And so James, with a muttered curs.e, .goes,down .inThe..dark kitchen, and-falls, oy.er, a chairaud .rasps all the tiftwarO ofi/thpijWflil in of the “Jigm thb. and ; thpn ho jerks the stair

door opens and he bawls: “ Where the deuce are the matches! ” Shegiveshim minute directions where to find the matches, and adds that she would rather go and get the water herself than have the neighborhood raised about it. After which James finds the matches, prociu-esthe water, comes up stairs and plunges into bed. Presently his wife says: “James, let’s have an understanding about money matters. Now, next week I’ve got to pay”— “ I don’t know what you’ve got to pay, and I don’t care,” shouts James, as lie lurches round and jams his face against the Avail; “ all I want is to go to sleep.” “That’s all very Avell for you,” snaps his Avife, as she pulls the covers viciously ; “ you never think of the Avorry and trouble I have. And there’s Araminta, avlio I believe is taking the measles.” “ Let her take ’em,” says James, sticking his legs out as straight as tAvo ramrods. “It seems to me that you have no sense or feeling,” Avhines his Avife, “ and if you had any respect for me you Avouldn’t eat onions before you go to bed. The atmosphere of the room from the smell of onions is horrid.” “ Well, go doAvn and sleep in the kitchen, then, and let me alone,’ says James. Hereupon she begins to cry softly, but about the time James is falling into a gentle doze, she punches him in the ribs Avitli her elboAv, and says : “ Did you hear that scandal about Mrs Jones'?” “What Jones,” say's J ames, sleepily. “ Why, Mrs Jones.” “ Where,” inquires James. “ I declare,” says his Avife, “ you are getting more stupid every day. You knoAv Mrs Jones that lived at No. 21. Well, day before yesterday, Susan Smith told Mrs Thompson that Sam Baker had said that Mrs Jones had”— Here she pauses and listens. James is snoring in profound slumber. With a snort of rage she pulls all the covers oft'him, Avraps lierup in them and lies aAvake until tAvo a.m., thinking lioav badly abused she is. And that is the Avay a married woman goes to sleep.—Pittsburg Leader.