THE HUMOURIST.

Marlborough Daily Times, Volume II, Issue 144, 6 August 1880, Page 1 (Supplement)

THE HUMOURIST.

THIS TEUIBITONK. ‘D' giSess 1 haf to pit up my delephone already,’ said an old citizen yesterday, as he entered the ofiicc of the company with a very long face. ‘ V by, what’s the matter now !’ _‘olt! eferytings. I got dot delephone in mine lionsc so as I could speak mit der poys in der saloon down town and mit my relations in Springwells, but I haf to gif it up. I nefer haf so much droubles. ’ ‘ How V

‘ \ hell, my poy Slion, in der Saloon, lie rings der pell und calls me oop und says an old frent of mine vhants to see how she works. Dot ish all right. I say—‘Hello !’ und he says—-‘Come closer.’ I goes closer und hallos again. Den he says—‘Shtanda little off.’ I shtands a little off und yells vunce more, und ho says—'tShpeak louder.’ I yells louder. It goes dot vliay for tin minutes, und den lie says—‘Go to Texas, you old Dutchmans !’ You see?’ ‘ Yes. ’

‘And den mein brudder in Springwells lie rings do pell und calls me oop, und says how 1 ’ has dis cafenings ? I says I vhas feeling like some colts, und ho says—‘who vhants to pay some goats ?’ 1 says : ‘ Colts—colts—colts!’ und he answers, ‘Oh! coats, I thought you said goats !’ Yhen I goes to ask him if ho feels pettcr 1 hears a voice crying oudt, ‘ \ hat Dutchmans is dot on dis line!' Den somepody answers, ‘I doau knew, but I Ijkcs to punch, his headt!’ You see. ?’ ‘ Yes.’

‘ c b, soinedimes my vliife vhants to splieak mit me vhen j. am down in der saloon. She rings mein pell und I says, ‘ Hello!’ Xopody spheaks to me. She rings again, und I says ‘ Hello !’ like dander! Den der Central Office tells me to go a’neadt, and den tells me to holdfc on, und den tells my vliife dot lam gone avhay. I yells oudt dot ish not so, und somepody says: ‘How can 1 talk if dot old Dutchmans doad keep sthill !’ You see?’ ‘Yes.’

‘ Und vhen I gits in bed at night, somebody rings der pell like der liouse vas on lire, und vhen 1 slmmps oudt and says hello, I hear somepody saying : ‘ Kaiser, dean’ you vhant to pay a dog ?’ A vhants no dog, und vhen I. tell s ’em so, I hoar some peoples laughing : ‘ Haw ! haw ! haw ! You see. ’ ‘ Yes.’

‘ Und ro you dako it oudt, und vhen somepody likes to speak mit me dev shall come right avay to mein saloon. Oof my brudder is sick he shall get petter, and if somepody vhants to puy mo a dog, he shall come vhcre I can punch him mit a glub !’