ODDS AND ENDS.

Marlborough Daily Times, Volume II, Issue 142, 30 July 1880, Page 1 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

"Why must tho letter ‘d* bo tho most wonderful letter in tho alphabet'/--Because ii is tho centre of ‘ wonders.’ Governess (teaching alphabet): ‘ And what conics after T, Master William?*—Master William : ‘Bed.’ A Chiropodist who had determined to retire to Cornwall, on being asked his reason therefor, said that lie thought the best place for a corn-doctor would be among the Cornish wen. ‘Charity begins at home,’is well defined by a little Sunday .School child as meaning ‘Giving to others what wo don’t want for ourselves. A School-teacher, who had just been telling the story of David, winds up with, ‘and all this happened over two thousand years ago.’ A little cherub, its blue eyes dilated with wonder, after a moment’s thought exclaimed, —‘Oh, dear, what a memory you must have ! ’ Joined for life. —What gre.Ver thing : there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined lor life—to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting ? A professor was expostulating with a student for his idlenessa, when the latter said, ‘ I t’s of no use ; I was cut for a loafer.’ ‘ Well,’ declared the processor, surveying tho student criticalJy, ‘ whoever cut you° out understood ids business.’ Conn from Connaught.—A vye place, sorr, when ought a monk to sit by a'fire ?—Share, when lie's cowl’d. ‘ But, Freddie, bow could you think of call auntie stupid? Go to her immediately and tell lier you arc sorry.’ Freddy goes to auntie and says, ‘ Auntie, 1 am sorry you arc so stupid.’ A Philosopher.—Scene—-Outside pub. in Glasgow; time S. 30 a. rn. — Dill : ‘A say, Jock, a wound* ye don’t think shame o* yourself cotnin, oot o’ .sic n place site early in the morning.’—Jock ; ‘Man, d’ye thing a’ was gaun tae stay in there a’ day ?’

There is an evil fashion of speech and theory that a man’s love for a woman lasts bettor and is stronger if he he never fully assured of hers ior him. This is a base and shallow theory. Nothing under heaven can so touch, so hold, so make eternally sure the tenderness, the loyalty, the jKwu.m of a manly man as a consciousness in every act of life that the woman lie has chosen for his wife lives for him and in him absorbingly. Catechising. Filially.—A promising youth recently surprised bis father by asking', ‘ Father, do you like mother V —‘ Why, yes, of course,’—‘And she likes 3 011 ?’— ‘Of course she does.’ —‘ Did she ever say so?’— ‘ Many a time, my rod.’ —" Fid she marry you because she loved you ?’— • Certainly she did.’—The boy carefully scrutinised his parent, and after'a long pause, asked, ‘ Weil, was she as near-sighted then as she is now ?’ The ‘ .Railroad Cazotle’ quotes the following from a French paper, and adds that it appears that the branch of industry known ar ticket-scalping is not unknown in France —‘ You have found, have von not, people at the railroad station who are anxious to sell their tickets? Here, the other day, X. arrived at the window just as it closed. ‘By Jove,’ he said, ‘and 1 must get to Bouon to-day?’ A gentleman approached and addressed him. ‘ i’anion me, sir, but I have a ticket for Uoueu which 1 cannot use. I shall be delighted to let you have it for what it cost me.! ‘ls it for the first class? ‘ No, for the second. ’ ‘ Very well; let me have it. M uch obliged and X. put himself full tilt for tiro gate, and got there, but with not a second to spare. At the first stopping-place the guard appeared to verify tho tickets. X. handed out his h'dU-t. The guard examined it, and said, ‘Xow your own, if you please. ’ ‘-My own? Why, you have it!’ ‘ Have you an idea of travelling with this ticket ?’ ‘ Certainly. Why not ?’ ‘ It is a ticket for a dog.’ A correspondent wishes to know if proposals of marriage be written in the key of ‘Be mine ah ! ’ would the answers to them bo written in tho key of * Be sharp ? ’