A SPORTSMAN'S DREAM IN SEPTEMBER.

Lyttelton Times, Volume XI, Issue 655, 16 February 1859, Page 5

A SPORTSMAN'S DREAM IN SEPTEMBER.

ft "'"""■ (From 'Punch.') 5

iThe dreamer has had a big day among the par- *? tridsres, has subsequently assisted at a delightn|” ful dinner-party (yes, she was there), and ultimately concluded with "rather-a-large-one- *. 'a though-by-Jove-old-fellow," and Kinahan's LL. 1 I; in the smoke-room. E*~ Ab, those peaches, " Royal Georges," how the juice runs down my chin!— !,*■ Keeper, keeper, oh confound it, whistle that mad s|| Juno in! — Hi " inconstant," I " deceitful "—nay, then, Edith, ££ hear me swear, .\i That, if ever man spake truly—l'm convinced I hit B that hare.

If «^}ance with Alice," "flirt with Julia." Well, peril haps, you'll let me know, .'.</. JynVhy you couldn't, when 1 asked you—just let that |§ retriever go—'. ' ■. ■ ' fifill you always misinterpret? will you never, 1$ never learn f ,|To assent, when I intreat you—look at Sancho's

. „ head and stern! -f. Yes, that yen'son earned the ben'son, which the *] good Archdeacon said; "■' Grand the fat, and hot the French beans —I felt sure oyj that bird was dead, %|For I saw the second barrel strike, as o'er the fence *-f he flew— * And my heart, my heart is breaking, Edith, darling, \ all for you. . 4 •. vWho's that fogy of a Justice, with the wine-jugs at p his side, " Laying down the law1 of trespass from " Oke's Ma- * •< qisterial Guide "—• < \ That's right, Keeper, you must lick him. Ware 'i~l hare, Ponto! Pontd, fiel :"'And give me to drink, Titinius, for I'm most f amazing dry! I "The Ladies!" aye, with all my heart, and may sj>" they ever find— \ Those runners in the turnips we always leave '' behind— May their path lie through deep stubbles, may they f ne'er be caught bj7 snares, . ■ i'-Hor led away by larks, but make their cleverest ! points at Heirs. j -"Claret?" No, thank you! just one glass of Sherry. t and no more, • For I heard "Ah, the lamorte," when the butler oped fc the door, \- And I love those singing damsels. What a covey! I. how we'll try To get round them, if we can, boys, tho' they're , >' very wild and shy. \ List, the Autumn of Beethoven—(steady, Carlo!) % claims a tear, '; For it tells of beauty perished, and of gardens dank and sere, \ Of summer days departed, of death among the i. flowers— r» .Mark him, pray mark him, Keeper, for I'll bet five I- pounds he towers. it "'Now, who's that beast, with black moustaches, and ti iv." ~what has he to say fTo Edith, I should like to know, in that obnoxious y, ; L* ""She smiles! Ah, vengeance! I'll play whist all night, never wed— •f^This; shooting birds is slowish work,/'ll shoot at H men, instead. .■■•.; $$0,1 won't play whist,■ Til flirt with Kate, and let yt that false one see, I^What a most audacious cruel thorn has run into my "■/;' knee— *:lAnd Fllj laugh my very loudest, for I do not care a #?!&piri—"•' .^There, Keeper, send that Juno home; she's always ,' running in.' 'J '. ■• . yS Wharfs-the matter?" Simply, Edith, that I wish ;i;ji"-that I was dead! lTipsy!" I scorn such nonsense: I decline to "go .'" to bed." '.;, And as for that Skye terrier you've made so great a - pet— " . ' 0-O, T onto, when I catch you, what a licking you will i&i get!' .■■:- ■' ■ ■■ . ■■„■• V {;What glorious weeds! how sweetly too, that dear ,">„«: old kettle sings, -^^Corae brew your Irish punch, lads, a liquor fit for s;k- Kings! .- :: :, :. -[. ti.Give me a gallon! how I thirst! what can the /„•• matter be?" * • * # ♦ ■# 'Here I awoke, and rang my bell, for Schweppe, and \ eau de vie. ;

."_ Banking ala Mode.^—Every fact has its significance, and every testimony its value; we therefore return without reluctance'to Mr. Buchanan's . 'highly authoritative declaration at Glasgow, in which he told the' English what ismeant by honesty, and what is considered " banking" in Scotland. If anybody south of the Tweed now commits his -anoney to the care of a Scotch bank, or of an Engflish one avowedly, conducted on Scotch principles, -^he does so with his eyes open. It is not for us to ■ offer any advice as to the prudence of the step, as in this part of our paper it is not our custom to 'compare investments, or assist our readers in the -^universal inquiry, after ten per cent. All that we '-"have to say is, that when the fortunate possessor of , a clear thousand pounds, with which he really does ,'not know wliat to do, puts it into a Scotch bank, -*pr invests it in its shares—such a bank, we mean, ;as comes up to the standard of Mr. Buchanan, the .'^Lord-Advocate, and Scotch merchants, statesmen, I'moralists, and philosophers in general—he must .•jha've other objects in view than a moderate interest risk. He wishes to speculate. He can iopare the money, and so tries double or quits. He vA»s a superstitious repugnance to vulgar gambling, /to roulette, rouge-et-noir, and the naked dicebox. :Jrledoes not understand horses, and has a prejudice against the turf; Being bred in a puritanvical family, he is no hand at whist.. He "jilias no uncle in the shipbuilding trade, and Uiperhaps is not on the best terms with his broJr^ther, who is always sinking shafts for coal VttiTid " black band." and in anticipation of the reis digging canals and building furnaces. The then remains how, in what decent manner, i^he is to play at- chuck-farthing with a thousand ? Well, how shall we answer the question ? j; We. feel it to be a natural one. The money is posiit tively burning a hole in his pocket, and is a burden ? to him. We feel we must condescend to his posij; tion. When a schoolboy has been " tipped" by his 8 rich visitor; it would be simply brutal to advise the I poor lad to put the half-sovei'eiirn* into a savings- % bank, and and it augmented to 15s. by the time he jf is twenty-one. It is a'question to be decided on I] moral rather than rigid commercial principles. & Then, we have to take into account the degree of l^tonacity or sense with which the present possessor l-jof the thousand pounds is" likely to use and employ 'tjit. Putting all things together, and faking what p may be called a practical view of the subject-, we are to think we should reply as follows: — k" My d«ar fellow, we will be candid.. You possess jpiow one thousand pounds, and. want to do'sorrß'thing ■ \s with it. Taking the host measure we o;in of your i jud^mentand capacity, we are of opini >n that if you : f.ttempt to spend this money yourst'lf you will loso it Jill outright, and this time next yfiar find yours«]f pp!ini!ess, and in all sorts of trouble. On th'eotlier liar.d, if you go to Mr. Buchanan, and ask him to nri'iie a bank, or other "firm, conducted on sound, I . bafu, honest principjes,-*ypu will be relieved of all trouble about: yourmanay. You will have capital interest for Reveral years,-~seven or eight pwliap-*. You will spend it all pleasantly, and rise in , your own estimation and that of your friends. It

; is true that nt the end of the seven years you will . find that not only is no more interest to be expected, I that not only is the capital gone, bnt that you have Ito pay as much again in calls. But in the first I

place, yon will not pay more than you have*wherewith to pay ; then it will not be your own fault; then you have to consider that you have enjoyed seven years of actual affluence and supposed security, ■Nothing can deprive you of that satisfaction. The state of things has come to an end, it is truo; but what of that P Life is but a shadow. The holders of three per cents, also dio. The real comparison in your case lies between investment in a Scotch bank or in some worrying little speculation ofyour own. Taking all things into account, we see that you get more enjoyment out of your money by Scotch banking than by opening a shop, or mining, or shipping, or any other private adventure."— Times.

IlirSH CRIME AND SECRET SOCIETIES, (From the ' Times' Correspondent.)

It is gratifying to announce that the Rev. Mr. Nixon is going on favourably, notwithstanding the dangerous nature of the wound inflicted upon him by his cowardly assailants. There will be a meeting of the magistrates of the count}' of Donegal this day, Oct. 28, at Letterkenny, in reference to the attempt to assassinate Mr. Nixon.

The following remarks appear in the ' Nation' of this day by way of comment upon this foul transaction. All who re-id will probably come to the conclusion that. the year 1858 can scarcely close without a few more of the Nixon class sharing the fate of that unfortunate gentleman : —■

"Not Shot Dead.—The . .Rev. Alexander Nixon, of Gweedore, was shot at on Sunday last under very mysteriousl circumstances. He is not dead, and is not likely' to die at present. The pistol was placed to his mouth and fired. His teeth are all destroyed, and his tongue is very badly wounded —very nearly shot away. Strange to say, that is all. The public report of the locality is unsettled as to which .cause of the two named led to this proceeding. One (that seems to be most largely held by those upon the spot) is only vaguely and darkly hinted at in the public papers as a story of "family shame," not creditable to Mr. Nixon's friends. The other cause is more openly stated. It is his notorious character as a " inopper out," an exacter of rent 'for'the wreck seaward driven ashore by the waves of the ocean. But even though it turn out otherwise—even though we find it to be a second Mrs. Kelley's case, where family scandals have rotted their way through to downright assassination—still, we repeat, Mr. Nixon and his fellow-worthies are not the less guilty of crime against the peace and welfare of society — against justice, morality, and humanity."

In connexion with this (it is to be hoped) partial revival of agrarian crime, the 'Nation' has a.long article on the secret, societies, .the apparent drift of winch is to show that the formidable Riband conspiracy flourishes as briskly-as ever, despite all the efforts of successive Governments to repress it. It appears that the wild gallants comprising the confederacy sometimes make more free than welcome with names used to attract members into the society. "Now it is John Mitchell, now it is Smith O'Brien, now it is ten French generals, who have signed .a paper promising to come when so many men are enrolled." Nay, the 'Nation' itself, it is hinted, has not escaped the honor, and in this strait the editor felt it his duty to visit the district kept under this folly/ "We desired," says the writer,

"To avoid-.-, inflating1 its magnitude by public notice of its acts, and endeavoured by personal inquiry to ascertain the real state of the case, and by oral expostulation to point out the mistake of ad> vocating such a system in connection with national politic?. But we found that if we desired to be free from the charge of conniving at a misuse of our name we must take public means to protest against it. Our illustrious countryman, Mr. Smith O'Brien, whose name has been made powerful use of, seems to take a similar view of the case, as may be seen by his letter, which will, we trust, have effect on the courageous but erring men who are being misled by false pretences!"

Here is a copy of Mr. O'Brien's curious letter:— • "Cahinnoyle, Newcastle West, Oct. 26.

" My dear Sir, —'In answer to your inquiry I have no hesitation in authorising you to say that I do not belong to any secret society ; and more, that though convicted of vyhat was called high treason by the expounders of British law, but of what I still venture to think patriotic duty, I never belonged to a secret society.

I hope you will lose no time in cautioning the Nationalists of Ireland against connexion with such societies. Either through indiscretion or through treachery, the secrets of such associations become known, almost immediately, to the Government, and furnish a pretext for invasions upon public liberty.

"I do not think it at all probable that I shall ever invite my fellow countrymen to connect themselves" with me in any proceeding which requires concealment. I wish that our country should be self-governed, and though I may not live'to witness the accomplishment of this desire, I am still disposed, notwithstanding the perfect indifference of public feeling on the subject, to believe that the progress of events —in other words, the will of Providence—will eventually bring to pass this happy consumation of the destinies of Ireland. From the avowal of this sentiment I have never shrunk for a single moment—from the day when I joined the Repeal Association to the hour at which I now write.

." I require no secret association to veil this aspiration.

'* I remain, my dear sir, ) rours very faithfully, William S. O! Brien

'" A, M. Sullivan, Esq." Meanwhile Mr. Smith O'Brien has, it may be said, again taken' the field. The ex-leader of Young Ireland is just now in Clonmel, where he has been received with all due honor by his many admirers in the capital of south Tipperary. On Thursday he was " addressed" by the members of the Liberal News room, and in return Mr, O'Brien favored them with a speech of the old dimensions, in -which he gave a succinct history of his varied political life, from the starting, post down to the memorable year when he traversed the country pike in hand, resolved to make Ireland "great, glorious and free." Like Mr. John Mitchel, it was the conduct ..of the Saxon Government during the terrible famine of 18i6-7 which suggested the ex-' pediency of a resort to arms:-— .

" I could find (he said) no excuse for the British Government which allowed myriads of the Irish people'to die, whose lives could have been assuredly protected by the fosteringeare of an Trish Parliament, I felt scarcely less indignant when I observed that i he British Government had systematically adopted a course of policy which tended inevitably to nun the possessors of every Hnd of property in Ireland—a ■system of policy winch has sent out as vagrants on the face of the earth a .countless 'number of families, whobeforethefamine enjoyed pecuniary competency in their native land, When I witnessedsuch a system of deliberate destruction and confiscation, I felt no doubt as to the moral right—the moral duty of the Irish-people to resist by force the proceedings of the British Parliament; and, if such doubts had existed in my mind, they would have been wholly removed by the suspension of the right of trial by jury, and the suppression of the freedom of the press, which took place under the Government of Lord Clarendon in 1848. The question of resistance or nonresistance resolved itself into a question of expediency ; and I now admit that I made a great mistake —-a mistake fatal to myself, and disastrous to the country —when I supposed that the Irish people would answer the appeal made to them by myself, and others,.urging them to take.up arms in defence of their, own lives, and of the liberties of ; their country.

An Ujs JsxrjocTisi): Firni, at Whist,—"Wo , had. been playing, all the.evening at whist; our sta.ke; had been gold mohur points, and twenty On the rubber. Maxey, who was always lucky, had won: five consecutive bumpers, which lent a self-satisfied smile to his countenance, and made'us, tho losers, look anything but pleased, when he suddenly changed countenance, and hesitated to play. This the more surprised us since he was one who seldom pondered, being so perfectly master of the, game that he deemed long consideration;, superfluous.*.; " Play away, Maxey, what are you about?" impatiently demanded Churchill, one of the most impetuous youths that ever wore the uniform of the bodyguard." " Hush !" responded Maxey, in a tone which thrilled through us, at the same time turning deadly.- pale. "Are you unwell," said another, about to start up, for he believed our friend had, suddenly been taken ill. "Sit quiet," rejoined the other,, in a tone denoting extreme fear or pain, and he laid down his cards. "If you value my life, move not." "What can he mean—has he taken leave of his senses ? v demanded Churchill, appealing to myself. "Don't start—don't move; I tell you," uttered Maxey, in a sort of whisper I •never can forget. "If you make any sudden motion I am a dead man." We exchanged looks. He continued—" Remain quiet, and all may yet be well: I have a cobra capella round my leg." Our first impulse was to draw back our chairs, but an appealing look from the victim induced us to remain, although we were aware that, should the reptile.transfer but one fold, and attach himself to any other of the party, that individual might already be counted as a dead man, so fatal, is the bite of that dreaded monster. Poor Maxey was dressed as many old residents still dress in India— namely, in breeches and silk stockings; he therefore the more plainly felt every movement of-the snake. His countenance assumed a livid hue,the words seeming to leave his mouth without that feature altering its position, so rigid was his look, so fearful was he lest - the slightest muscular movement should alarm the serpent, and hasten his fatal bite. We were in agony little less than his during the scene. "He is coiling round !" murmured Maxey; "I feel him cold—cold to my limb; and now he tightens! For the love of Heaven call for some milk! Let it be placed on the ground near me; let some be spilt on the floor."' Churchill cautiously gave the order, and a servant slipped out of the room. "Don't stir! Northcot, you moved your head. By everything sacred I conjure you do not do so again ! It cannot be long ere my fate is decided. I have a wife and two children-in Europe; tell them I died blessing them, that my last prayers were for them; the snake is winding itself round my calf; —I leave them all I possess. I can almost fancy I feel his breath! To die in such a manner." The milk was brought and carefully put down; a few drops were sprinkled on the floor, and the affrighted servants drew back. Again Maxey spoke:—No, no, it has no effect; on the contrary, he has clasped himself tighter—he has uncurled his upper fold! I dare not look down, but I am sure he is about to draw back and give the bite of death with more fatal precision. -Receive me, 0 Lord, and pardon me! My last hour has come. Again he pauses. I die-firm; but this is past endurance.. Ah, no; he has undone another fold, and loosens himself. Can he be going to someone else ?' We involuntarily " For the love of heaven stir not—l ami a dead man; but bear with me. He still loosens; he is about to dart. Move not but beware. Churchill, he,falls off that way. Oh! this agony'is to hard to bear. Another pressure and I am dead. No, he relaxes." At that moment poor Maxey ventured to look down ; the snake had unwound himself; the last coil had fallen, and the reptile was making for the milk, "lam saved—saved!" and Maxey bounded from his chair, and fell senseless intO;the arms of one of his servants. In another instance we were all dispersed, the snake was killed, and our poor friend carried more dead than alive to his room. That scene I can never forget; it dwells on my memory still, strengthened by the fate of poor Maxey, who from that hour pined in hopeless imbecility, and sank into an early grave.— Lieut. Col. Adclison's Traits of Indian Life.

Promotions in the Aiimy.—Among 'the Brevet promotions announced in the London ' Gazette' of October. 20, in accordance with the Royal Warrant of the 14th of October, we find the following:— Colonel 11. H. Wynyarcl, C.8., from the 58th Foot, to be Major-Generalin the army., Colonel James Patience, of the 65th Foot; to be Colonel.lri the army. A Hospital for Umbeellas.—ln the window of a shop in Oxford-street the following whimsical notice'may be seen:—"Afflicted, TJinbrellas.-r Illustrious wayfarer! —Do you rejoice in the posession of an athletic umbrella ! "That is the question ! " Or has the destroying effects of time and usage reduced it to a condition of inutility and abandonment ?•Is it dilapidated P Is it prostrate with a fractured rib, a dislocated neck, or broken spine? Has any untoward calamity tended to debilitate its nerves or paralyse its muscularia ? Is it afflicted with a damaged cravated attachment,, or a ruptured vertical convergentum ? Has any visitation of paralysis arrested or checked-the facile action of the motive power? Does there exist any manifestation of an abrasion of the epidermis? Is the pedaneous action intact, or has prolonged attrition against terraceous substances reduced it to a state of stumpeferous deformity? Is the digitarial appendage without flaw or fracture ? Is the occulse and expansive action uninterrupted ? Is the octahegenous osseosity isometrieally nngulatud P Is its centrifugal conformation undeformed by depression, semi-collapse or protrusion P Is it loaned, lost, levanted, mislaid, or used up ? For any contingency ample provision is made at the hospital department of the far-famed world's umbrella store. .Remember " ! And then follow the chnrges that are made at this hospital for umbrellas. " For resuscßatne handicraft operations such as restoring a broken rib, restoring a broken spine, inserting a new spine, resuscitating the muscularia, putting a new membraneous attachment,, resuscitating a shattered constitution, setting a.dislocated neck, restoring a broken neck, setting a dislocated rib, inserting a new set of ganglions, imparting a new motive power, or supplying anew head " —for all which there are consultations gratis.