SWALLOWING AN OYSTER ALIVE.

Lyttelton Times, Volume X, Issue 603, 14 August 1858, Page 6

SWALLOWING AN OYSTER ALIVE.

By John S. Eobb (Solitaire.)

late hour tho other night, the door i»of an oyster house in our city was thrust open, ■.-and^iiii^-j^ajiked a hero from the Sucker Gate. ; ;JETs ; quite sis feet Jn'gh, spare, somc'Nvhat •Yijs^ope'djiwi.tli'^liu'ngiy and unxious cbuuteiiiince, pushed cluar dowu to the bottom

of his breeches pockets. His outer covering hard to define, but after surveying it minutely, wecameto the conclusion that his suit had been made in his boyhood, of a dingy yellow linsey wooisey, and that, having sprouted up with astonishing rapidity, he had been forced to piece it out with all colors iv order to keep pace with his body. In spite of all his exertions, he had fallen in arrears about a foot of the necessay length, and consequently stuck that far through his inexpressibles. His crop of hair was surmounted by the funniest little seal skin cap imaginable. After taking a position, he indulged in a long stare at the man opening the bivalves, and slowly ejaculated—" isters '"? . ." Yes, sir," responded the attentive operator, " and fine ones they are, too." "Well, I've heard of isters afore," says he, " but. this is the fust time I've seed 'em, and perhaps I'll know what thar made of afore I go out of town." Having expressed this desperate intention, he cautiously approached the fish and scrutinised the uncased shell-fish with a gravity and interest which would have done honor to the more illustrious searcher to the hidden mysteries of nature. At length he began to soliloquise the difficulty of getting them out, and how queer they looked when out. " I never seed any thin 5 hold on so —takes an amazin' site of screwin, boss, to get them.out, and ain't they slick and slippery when they j does come? Smooth as an eel! I've a good mind to give that feller a lodgin, jist to realize '• the effects, as Uncle Jess used to say about spekalashin." "Well, sir," was the reply, "down with two bits, and you can have a dozen." "Two bits!" exclaimed the Sucker, "now come, that's stickin' it on rite strong, hoss, for isters. A dozen on 'em ain't nothin' to a chicken, and there's no gettin'more'n a picayune apice for them- I have only realised forty-five picayunes on my first venture, to St. Louis. I'll tell you what, I'll gin you two chickens for a dozen, if you'll conclude to deal." A wag, who was standing by, iudulging in a dozen, winked at the attendant to shell out, and the offer was accepted. , " Now mind/ repeated the Sucker, " all fair —two chickens for a dozen—you're a witness, mister," turning at the same time to the wag; "none of your tricks, for I've heard that your city fellows are mighty slipry coons." The bargain being fairly understood, our Sucker squared himself for the onset; delibei'ately put off his seal-skin cap, tucked up his sleeves, and fork in hand, awaited the appearance of No. 1. It came—he saw—and quietly it was bolted. A moment's dreadful pause ensued. The wag dropped bis knife and fork, and with a look of amazement and horror— something akin to Shakspeare's Hamlet on seeing his daddy's ghost, while he burst into the —; "• Swallowed alive, as I'm a Christian !" Our Sucker friend had opened his mouth with pleasure a moment before, but now it stood open. Fear, a horrid dread of he didn't know what—a consciousness that all wasn't right, and ignorant of the extent of the wrong —the uncertainty of the moment was terrible. Urged to desperation, he faltered out— " What on earth's the row ?" "Did you swallow it alive?" inquired the wag. " I swallowed it jest as he gin it to me!" shouted the Sucker. " You're a dead man," exclaimed his anxious friend, " the creature is alive, and will eat right through," ad Jed he, in a most hopeless tone.v "Get a pizen pump and pump it out!" screamed the Sucker, in a frenzy, his eyes fairly starting from their sockets. "Q! gracious—what'll I do ?—it's got hold of my innards already, and I'm dead as a chicken !—do eoinethiug for me, do—don't let the infernal seatoad eat me afore your eyes." " Why don't you put some of this on it ?" inquired the wag, pointing to a bottle of strong pepper-sance. The hint was enough—the Sucker upon the instant seized the bottle, and, desperately ■ wren thing out the cork, swallowed half the contents at a single draught. He fairly squealed from its effects, and g;tsped and. blowed, and pitched and twisted, as if it were coursing tlirough him with electric effect, while at the I same time his eyes ran a stream of tears. ;At j length, becoming a little composed, his waggish adviser approached, almost bursting with suppressed laughter, and inquired— i " How are you now, old fellow —did you kill it?" ■ . ' " Well, I did, hoss—ugh o-o-o—my innards. If that ister critters-dying agonies didn't stir a 'rupt'on in me equal to £ small earthquake, then 'taint no use savin' if?—it squirmed like a sarpint when that killin' stuff touched it; hu'!" arid here, with a countenance of suppressed agony and present determination, he paused to give foi-ce to his words, and slowly and deliberately remarked, " if you git two chickens from me for that live animal I'm d -d!" and seizing his seal skin he vanished. The shout of laughter and the contortions of the company at this finale would have made a spectator believe they had all been swallowing oysters alive.