VISIT OF THE COMET TO "MR. PUNCH."

Lyttelton Times, Volume VIII, Issue 531, 5 December 1857, Page 4

VISIT OF THE COMET TO "MR. PUNCH."

I . (From the preface to Vol 32.) ; Punctual (like American fashions) to : French time, which is rather faster, especially on the TuiUeries' o'clock, than that of England, His Serene Highness the Comet, duly arrived on the appointed date. As other foreign illustriousnesses are some- ! times. attended by a scent of consumed » cigarsy H. S. H. was accompanied by an )> oaoux as of biiraed^out planets. His head

in a wide-awake, and his tall enveloped in asbestos continuations, H. S. H. hastened to l-eport himself under St. Bride's. "What's brought yov?" said Mr. Punch—whose maxim, debeilare tuperbos, is ever before him. "Why, I was prophesied/ replied the Comet humbly, "arid I did not like to disgrace Science, who has been so fortunate in all her predictions of late years." "True," replied Mr. Punch, more graciously." "Very true. George Stephenson was never to drive a railway car more than eight miles an hour —Steam across the Atlantic was impossible —the Crystal Palace must crunch up by vibration, or be blown to sea by the winds—and now the telegraph to America will not carry a message, andthe Great Eastern is an ark to which no bird will bring a dividend. You are right. Science has been happy in her auguries, and she foretold you. You are welcome. Sit down, if your arrangements permit that attitude." The Comet, severing asunder his glittering tail as easy as one of Peter Wilkins's Flying Indians adjusted her graundee, took a chair. " May I ask what news is stirring ?" said H. S. H. - S "In our Earth?" asked Mr. Punch. "Well, none. |Fhe four continents are at peace—". ■ I "Eh?" said the Comet. "I took China, America, and Algeria in my way, and gunboats were throwing shells, Filibusters were engaging regulars, and Zouaves were driving dark fellows into caves—" "If your Serene Highness had been kind enough to hear me out," said Mr. Punch, "t. was going to add—the four continents, with the exception of Asia, Africa, and America. In Europe we are keeping the peace with great solemnity. Louis Napoleon, setting example, insists on such extreme peace, that even at his elections, his Majesty objects to opposition candidates. Alexander sends the gentle Constantine to count English and French guns, as he would riot own one more for the world—no, nbt for Constantinople. Francis Joseph, tod, has a brother Maximilian, and be is here jto express the ecstacy of Austria.at the prospect of our Prussian Alliance gbeing drawn closer by Hymen." .• ~i k >:^i/i:t;--- '■-:■* ; -:.;:-.■; ■•■ • c- " Tv, feli&i'Affithd^mihe"' said- the Comet, "is a~ hint, which he.; delights to find others can take*":- •■'"■•■=■• ■'■•" Nube—iii a cloud," said Mr. Punch," smiling. " A passable jest from a highness from Cloudlahd, J>ut scarcely bright enoughfor me-^hqweyer—let it go. Then, your Serene Highness, in Belgium, Leopold the Astute, finding the priests flying too frantically at 1, the throat of Liberty, has flogged them-off, for the hour; but she will never walk about in peace, poor thing, until they are chained up as the Belgian people will chain them in the next revolution. Pius the Ninth is making progress—do not start—only through his j dominions, crowning pictures of the Virgin, which wink with pleasure, and actually mutter " t La Salette." The innocent Isabella, again, muses on the sweet joys of maternity, and vows, should she be blessed with a daughter, to make her an example of all the Virtues, to which end baby is to be sent from Spain before she can even see." " And your own Queen ? " " Is troubled, thank Providence, by no greater care than the direction of the baptism of Princess Beatrice, and the consideration) whether at the Handel Festival, the Conquering Hero should come twice." "And Lord Palmerston. I have had an eye on him for these seventy-three years." I had a good mind to appear at his birth, and prognosticate his becomminga great man!" "You are a humbug," said Mr. Punch. " Where was he born ? " The Comet stuttered—arid said it was a food while ago, and the place had escaped im. " He was born at Broadlsnds, you astrological humbug," said Mi 1. Punch, where I hope he will spend many a jolly year yet, especially his Jteform Bill Year, now fixed a 5.1858." " Lord Palmerston a Reformer," said the Comet, looking troubled. " Hem. Well, Ah!" " Don't mutter in that way," said Mr. Punch. "If you know anything, out with it like a man and a Comet, if not, don't be mysterious. Lord Palmerston has promised a Reform Bill for next yeap| and I am going to keep, him up to 2ns work in my Thjrty-ThW VolumeW* "Is the Thirty-Siecon4completei" said the Comet tremulously.

"Complete," said Mr.. Punch. I present you with a copy. Here ■■!" "If a volume of 'Punch* is to be launched, I am sure the world wants no Comet/ cried the individual in asbestos trowsers. " I shall not show." And he bolted through the window into infinite space, taking with him, for the edification of the Solar system,—Volume XXXII.